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TIIK PEOKSTRIAN STARTING. 



The Arizona Limited 



or 



Across the Continent Afoot 



MICHAEL GS HARMAN 



SOUTHERN PUBLISHING COMPANY 

Richmond, Virginia 

1909 






COPYRIGHT, 1909, 

BY MICHAEL G. HARMAN 






RICHMOND 
EVERETT WADDEY CO. 
1909 



To Those Friends En Route Who Materially Assisted Him 
In the Successful Accomplishment of His Long and 
Arduous Undertaking, and to Whom He Will 
Ever Feel Indebted for Their Many 
Kindnesses, the Author Dedi- 
cates This Story of 
His Travels. 



CONTENTS. 

Chapter. Pagk. 

I.— Off for New York 1 

II.— Paso Robles 9 

III. — Guest of the Camarillas 15 

IV. — Journey with a Desert Rat 21 

v.— Ludlow 34 

VI. — Kingman 44 

VII.— The Walker Acts the Good Shepherd 56 

VIII.- — The Departure from Los Cerillos 67 

IX.— The New Boss of the Limited 76 

X. — Contributions from the Youthful Natives .... 86 

XL— Mud— Mud— Mud— We Were in a State of Mud . . 96 

XIL— News of the Limited 107 

XIIL— The Limited Before the Footlights 116 

XIV.— Your Uncle Dudley Was There With the Goods, and 

So Was the Cow 124 

XV. — Heine Makes a Stove 134 

XVI. — Fording the Ohio River at Steubenville 146 

XVII. — How to Make a Comfortable Bed on the Frozen 

Ground 156 

XVIII. — Is Travelling on Three Cents an Easy Proposition . 166 
XIX. — Something About One of the Most Remarkable 

Animals in the World 172 

XX.— The Noble Red Man 175 



INTRODUCTORY OUTLINE. 

San Francisco, Cal., February 4, 1904. 
My Dear Bill: 

Here I am in San Francisco. Surprised, old hoy? 
Yes, I sailed through the Golden Gate three days before 
Christmas on an old lumber tub from Seattle. What 
have I been doing since my arrival in the metropolis of 
the Golden West? Just hearken, Bill, to some few of 
the things: 

I have learned to drink steam beer — a most wonder- 
ful accomplishment ; have tripped the light fantastic in 
the Italian dance halls; have taken in the Cliff House; 
wined at Sanguinettis, and dined at the Poodle Dog. 
Of course I've attended a prize fight; done Chinatown, 
and, as usual, the ponies have done me. 

Bill, I'm going to cut it all and come back to Nature. 
I have decided to take a little walk across the continent 
from San Francisco to Neiv York City, starting ivith a 
single three-cent piece in my pocket. 

Why am I taking a trarnp of nearly four thousand 
miles, courting all kinds of dangers and undergoing 
countless hardships? William Shakespeare several cen- 
turies ago said: 

"All the woi'ld's a stage, and all the men and women merely 
players." 



The times and conditions have changed somewhat 
since Shahespeare's age. Some latter-day genius has 
aptly substituted, "All the world's a graft and all the 
men and women merely grafters." My definition of a 
grafter is one who receives a pecuniary benefit or its 
equivalent, ivithout giving in return therefor honest 
labor. 

I am going to treat myself to a practical course in this 
game of graft. It wouldn't surprise me if Carnegie, 
after he wearies of building monuments to himself and 
giving hero medals, should endow institutions of learn- 
ing with chairs on graft. Don't be astonished if "Snow- 
ball" should come into the library some day and hand 
you a card reading about liJce this: 



Michaef Garter Harman. L.L.D. 

(Long-legged Devil) 

Prolessor o( Grail, University ol Spondulix. 



/ will walk almost due south, following the coast- 
wise Southern Pacific route, J/-75 miles to Los Ajigeles. 
From that point the Mojave and the Great Amencan 
deserts will be crossed to Albuquerque, New Mexico, a 
distance of 900 miles, following the old Sante Fe trail, 
which is paralleled by the Sante Fe railroad. 




EXECUTIVE DEPARTMENT 

iKayor'B ©fftrp 

(Cttg anil (Qount^ of S^n j'ranrtara 

E. E. SCHMITZ, Mayor 



Oity, Jan. 26, 1904. 
Hon. George B, Mc Clellan, 

Mayor of the City of New York. 
Dear Sir:- 

Permlt me to introduce to your favorable 
acquaintance tlie bearer, Mr. Michael Garber 
Hsinnan, a former Virginian, who is about to 
undertake a Journey from San Francisco to New 
York City for the purpose of making personal 
observations of labor conditions en route. 

Any courtesies you may extend him will 
be greatly appreciated by. 

Yours very truly. 



^^^^r-. 



FAC-SIMILE 



XI 

I expect to traverse the trail to Kansas City, Missouri., 
which is 1,000 miles east of Albuquerque ; SOO miles 
further, across Missouri, will land me into the World's 
Fair city. After a rest of a few weeks in St. Louis the 
journey will he resumed to New York, via Indianapolis, 
Columbus, Pittsburg, and across the States of Penn- 
sylvania and New Jersey to Jersey City. 

I was very fortunate in obtaining a letter from the 
Labor Mayor of San Francisco, E. E. Schmitz, to 
Mayor George B. McCIellan of New York, which reads 
as follows: ^See fac simile opposite p.] 

San Feancisco, Cal., January 25, 1904. 
Hon. Geo. B. McClellan, 

Mayor of the City of 'New York. 
Deae Sib: — Permit me to introduce to your favorable acquaint- 
ance the bearer, Mr. Michael Garber Harman, a former Vir- 
ginian, who is about to undertake a journey from San Francisco 
to New York City for the purpose of making personal observa- 
tions of labor conditions en route. 

Any courtesies you may extend him will be greatly appre- 
ciated by, 

Yours very truly, 

E. E. Schmitz, Mayor. 

I have also a souvenir card, which I designed, show- 
ing the route on one side, and on the other, the traveller 
in walking costume. 

Bill, think of the adventures awaiting me, the excite- 
ment attending the constant change of scene, the queer 
characters and interesting people with whom I shall 



Xll 

come in contact. And lastly, how much of God's coun- 
try one ivill he enabled to see and study. Is the picture 
sufficiently alluring to mahe you ivish to accompany 
me? No, nothing would tempt you to leave the Queen 
Bee and the little Bills down in the old Shenandoah 
Valley. 

Wish me luck, old hoy, and looh forward to the time 
when you and I once more will wander down to the 
spring, and talk ahout it all over an old Virginia mint 
julep. 



The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTER I. 

OFF FOR NEW YORK. 

Ill With La Grippe at Palo Alto — San Jose — Twenty Mile Tramp 
in the Rain — A Visit to the Old Spanish Mission at San 
Juan — Sore Muscles and Ligaments — The Adventure at the 
Lehr Ranch — ^A Rousing Reception Accorded the Walker — 
The Gruelling Walk Into King City. 

Monday morning, February 8th, at ten o'clock, I 
started the walk to New York City. The procession 
formed at the corner of Market, Geary and Kearney 
streets, the most prominent corner in San Francisco, 
where quite a crowd had collected. 

I had engaged a fife and drum corps of four pieces 
to head the procession. Next came a jackass carrying 
a sign advertising a horse and mule sale, for which I 
received the sum of seven dollars — nearly enough to 
pay the musicians. The walker brought up the rear 
in tourist regalia. I had selected for the trip a Khaki 
suit and hat and a pair of buckskin shoes. 

Arriving at Valencia street, after a march of a mile 
and a half up Market, to the strains of "Are there any 
more at home like you," the drum corps and donkey 
were dismissed. I made a speech to the crowd collected 
on the corner, briefly stating the object of my journey, 
with the result that fifteen of the cards were sold for 
ten cents each. 



2 The Arizona Limited 

It was raining nearly all day, and I was exceedingly 
glad when the Commercial hotel at Baden was reached, 
where the proprietor entertained me for the night. 

On the morning of the 9th, I awoke with pains in my 
back and head. My temperature was up also. I had 
contracted a cold by doffing my heavier clothing. Palo 
Alto was twenty-two miles distant, but I was determined 
to make it, for my college fraternity, Phi Gamma Delta, 
have a chapter at Leland Stanford, Jr., University. 

The day's walk led me through a beautiful country, 
but my physical condition was such that I could not 
appreciate it. I was heartily received at the chapter 
house, and, as my fever was high, I was put to bed and 
a doctor summoned, who pronounced my malady la 
grippe. Saturday morning the journey was resumed, 
and I hit the pike for seventeen miles to San Jose. The 
walk was thoroughly enjoyed, as it was a lovely day, 
and led through that most beautiful of valleys, the 
Santa Clara, which is deemed one of the most fertile 
spots in the whole world. 

On my arrival at San Jose, I repaired to the Vendome 
hotel, one of the swellest in central California. "Strike 
high if you lose your hatchet," and T. T. N. Y. O. B. 
(through to New York or bust) were my mottoes. The 
manager agreed to entertain me until Monday in ex- 
change for one of my souvenirs. Lick Observatory on 
Mount Hamilton was visited Sunday ; Monday morning 
I sold a few cards, and in the afternoon resumed the 
journey. 



The Arizona Limited 3 

Soon after leaving San Jose it began to mist, in the 
phraseology of the "IsTative Son". We have another 
name for it east of the Rockies. The last four miles 
w^ere traversed in inky blackness, and I w^as drenched, 
but strange to relate, no bad effects resulted. The next 
day Gilroy was made, and the local editor published the 
following : 

"Michael Garber Harman, King of Tramps, put up 
at the Central Hotel on Tuesday. He left San Fran- 
cisco February 8th, with a three-cent piece and no bank 
checkbook. He has been feasted and lodged at the best 
hotels en route. Harman is a tall young Virginian, 
about twenty-nine years of age, tough and lean, and full 
of ambition to reach his destination in New York." 

Wednesday morning, the 17th, I left Gilroy for Sal- 
inas, a distance of thirty-seven miles by rail. The route 
selected by me was shorter by several miles, led by the 
picturesque old town of San Juan; while there a visit 
was paid to the old Spanish Mission. 

Seven years before the Declaration of Independence 
Junipero Serra, a godly and pious monk of the Order 
of Saint Francis, entered San Diego and established the 
first of the twenty-one missions which extend along the 
coast as far north as San Francisco. It was at the in- 
stance of the King of Spain that these Missions were 
started, for he wished to encourage emigration to that 
part of his domain. In the building of the missions 
most of the labor was performed by the Indians under 
the directions of the Fathers. The tribes of the Pacific 



4 The Arizona Limited 

Coast were peaceably inclined. For more than half a 
century these missions flourished, and they became 
enormously wealthy. The end of it all was the secu- 
larization of the mission properties by Santa Anna. 
Over half of them are now in ruins. I quote a passage 
from a book entitled, "Over the Santa Fe Trail" : 

"Reluctantly will the visitor tear himself from the 
encompassing charm of the roofless arches and reminis- 
cent shadows. They are a dream of the Old World, 
indifferent to the sordidness and turbulence of the N'ew ; 
one of the few things that have been spared by the re- 
lentless past, whose habit is to sweep the things of yes- 
terday into oblivion. One can almost hear the echoes of 
their sweet bells ringing out to heathen thousands the 
sunset and the dawn." 

A young lady conducted me through the Mission and 
pointed out objects of interest. Among other things 
was a great stone fountain, hewn from solid rock, and 
from which over seven thousand Indians had been bap- 
tized. In the church, fifteen feet from the floor and 
jutting from the side, is the pulpit from which the first 
Father preached the Gospel to the Indians in fourteen 
dialects. 

There is also a queer-looking affair which resembles in 
outward appearance a modern street organ. When the 
crank is turned it emits a funny, tinkling sound. It 
was used in the early days to call the Indians to work 
and to worship. 

In the afternoon I faced toward Salinas, which lay 
twenty miles distant from San Juan and over a moun- 



The Arizona Limited 5 

tain. The going was rough, owing to the recent rains, 
and as my muscles were very sore, walking was painful. 
I arrived in the night, dragging my left leg which was 
as stiff as a poker. 

The journey Thursday morning was started in peg- 
leg fashion, as it was impossible for me to bend the leg 
at the knee-joint. 

Just out of Salinas I overtook two young fellows 
hoboing it to Los Angeles. One of the boys hailed 
from Selma, Alabama, and was of a good family. At 
Choi as I grafted a dinner at the hotel. On coming out 
I found my companions were vegetarians — one was 
eating a raw turnip and the other a carrot. However 
an opportunity offered at the table, and I filled my 
pockets for them. 

On the 18th I left Gonzales, expecting to spend the 
night at the Lehr ranch, twenty miles distant. On 
reaching the ranch, much to my chagrin, no one was at 
home but the Chinese cook, who was shelling beans. 

"Is Mr. Lehr at home?" I asked. 

"ISTuh," was the laconic reply. 

"Where is he, and when will he return ?" 

"King C ity — yesterd ay-to-d ay-to-morrow — dunno. ' ' 

For imperturbability the palm goes to the Chinks. 
After several vain attempts to obtain further informa- 
tion from my pig-tailed friend, I turned to continue 
the journey when a farm laborer was espied coming out 
of the house. I presented my card ; told him who I 
was and what I was doing. He looked at the heroic 



6 The Arizona Limited 

hieroglyphics on the card and then looked me over from 
head to foot. Then he deliberately turned his back, 
locked the door and started across the prairie. He 
evidently took me for a dangerous character or a green 
goods man. During the whole proceeding he didn't 
venture a remark. 

Was up against it good and strong for the first time. 

King City was fourteen miles distant: it was four 
fifteen P. M., and I was so hungry, tired and sore that 
I could hardly stand. 

On the road I met Mr. Lehr driving home. He 
deeply regretted my reception at his place and wanted 
me to return and spend the night, but I told him I'd 
push on to the town. Ascertained that the only house 
between that point and King City was that of a Mr. 
Talbot, a West Virginian. 

A rousing reception was accorded me — eleven dogs — 
that's all. I think every breed was represented in the 
bunch. 

With knapsack and mackintosh they were kept at bay 
until Mr. Talbot arrived on the scene of action. 

"Mr. Talbot," said I, at the same time presenting him 
with one of my cards, "I'm on a walk across the conti- 
nent." 

"You are in a bad business," he replied. 

Didn't sound very encouraging, but I came again 
good and strong. 

"Mr. Talbot, whether this is a foolish undertaking is 
a question. To me, just now, its merits are of second- 



The Arizona Limited 7 

ary importance. Have another which is of absorbing 
interest, viz: supper. I'm sadly in need of an hour's 
rest and of some supper to enable me to cover the re- 
maining nine miles. Can I get it ?" 

"You can/' he replied. 

We sat down to one of those old Virginia meals — 
beefsteak, hot biscuits, good old apple butter and coffee. 
Metaphorically speaking, I waltzed up one side of the 
table and do-\vn the other. How I did enjoy that meal ! 
My hunger appeased, I jollied the whole family a bit. 
Turning to a blushing country maiden, in a supremely 
confident manner, I remarked : 

"I know what you do for a livelihood." 

"What ?" she answered, in a surprised tone. 

"You are the school-marm." 

I had hit the nail squarely on the head. The girl 
blushed; laughed. In her confusion she managed to 
say: 

"How did you know?" 

"Having traveled quite extensively," said I, "in the 
past nine years, and having made a study of human 
nature, all that is now necessary for me to tell one's 
vocation is to see the expression of the eye." 

Mr. Lehr had told me she was a teacher. That settled 
it; the whole family looked upon me as a magician. 
Talbot invited me to spend the night, and I believe I 
could have remained a week, had I so desired. 

The walk to King City will never be forgotten. The 
night was very dark, and I staggered over the road at 



8 The Arizona Limited 

two miles per hour. Was several times on the verge of 
a hysterical breakdown — the result of the excruciating 
pain from my turning ankles on the rough roadway. I 
felt if the Vendome hotel had been one hundred yards 
further, I couldn't have walked it. 

A former Kentuckian, the proprietor, cordially re- 
ceived me. He gave me a drink, of which I was sadly 
in need. 

Ten minutes later I was on the feathers. 

San Francisco, 183 miles — liew York, 3,527 miles. 



The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTER II. 

PASO ROBLES. 

A Klondike Millionaire Marvels — A Hotel Proprietor Wins With 
His Socks On — San Luis Obispo — Through the San Marcus 
Ranch — A Sudden and Unwelcome Bath — Meet Two Ladies 
From the Bailiwick of the Sacred Codfish — Santa Barbara. 

Sunday I made San Miguel, one of the original 
Spanish settlements, which contains one of the Missions. 

The following day pushed on to the famous health 
resort, the Hotel El Paso de Robles, where a cordial re- 
ception awaited me ; the manager personally showed me 
to a room, and seemed to exert himself to make my stay 
pleasant. Maybe I wasn't luxuriating; eating, sleep- 
ing, resting, bathing and spinning yarns with the other 
sick millionaires. 

All the wealthy, you know, don't lead the simple life 
a la Teddy. A large percentage of the guests were 
there to be cured of gout, rheumatism or some nervous 
disease, originated or aggravated by high living. Hot 
mud or sulphur baths are given. 

When taking my hot sulphur bath the massage artist 
and myself fell to discussing the walk ; among other 
things I told him of the trouble I was having with my 
feet and legs. He gave me a massage of an hour; an 
alcohol massage and cocoanut oil rub. I entered the 
bath-house feeling like one of those old skates at Ingle- 
side, and came out a Derby winner. 



10 The Arizona Limited 

A Klondyke millionaire was astonished. 

"Do yon mean to assert that the massager gave you all 
that for nothing ?" 

"IsTo," answered I, "for he was presented with a pic- 
ture card." 

"What do you think of that?" he ejaculated. 

"Young man, when you told me of this journey of 
yours, I doubted your ability to make it, but I do so 
no longer. Even the idle rich can't afford all that in 
one day." 

February 23rd I passed up the good thing at Paso 
Robles. 

Upon my arrival at Santa Margareta, I found that 
the proprietor had retired at seven P. M. There is very 
little doing on Broadway after sundown. I dug him up 
and he finally made his appearance in a pair of six-cent 
socks. He wore also a spinach on his chin. A good 
stiff talk was n. g. I was compelled to go down into 
my pocket for the first time since leaving Frisco and pay 
for lodging and breakfast. The old fellow's argument 
was unanswerable : 

"You see, partner, in the first place, you are a 

fool to take any such walk as that, and in the second 

place, I'd be a fool not to get fifty cents out of you 

since you happened by here. You can't do me any good 
advertising, for no one ever comes by Santa Margareta 
unless compelled to, and I keep the only hotel in town." 

The next day I reached San Louis Obispo and stopped 
at the Ramona Hotel. During the afternoon I took a 



The Arizona Limited 11 

ramble around the city. It's an attractive city of eight 
thousand population, and is api^arently full of business. 

Four hard days' walking through the Arroyo Grande 
valley landed me at the Donahue ranch, two miles south 
of Santa Ynez. 

The 29th I left Santa Maria to visit the new oil fields. 
Soon after starting it commenced to rain. 

It is not often that it rains in California, but when it 
does, there is no time for anything else. It starts with 
a gentle drizzle, increasing gradually until it pours in 
torrents. 

The wells are located on hills and are rendered almost 
inaccessible by rain, as the soil is of red clay. I accom- 
plished what I set out to do, but it was a very wet and 
tired traveller that reached the next village and lodged 
in a miserable shack, kept by a Syrian. Monday I was 
on the road for a tramp of forty miles into Santa Bar- 
bara, through the San Marcus ranch and over the Santa 
Ynez mountains. Had my first adventure twenty min- 
utes after leaving Donahue's. Came to a swift moun- 
tain stream seventy feet wide and two deep, approxi- 
mately. I pondered for some moments as to the best 
way to get across without wading the ice-cold water. 
Below the fording the stream branched into four forks, 
and by the aid of sticks and rocks, three of the four 
were crossed successfully, but, alas ! met my Waterloo 
on the fourth. The trunk of a tree, on which I was 
crossing, turned, and down splash ! I went fiat on my 
back. Everything went under but my head. To add 



12 The Arizona Limited 

insult to injury, when pulling up the bank by some 
shrubbery, it broke, and down I went again — head and 
all this time. 

The first eighteen miles led me through the San Mar- 
cus ranch of sixty thousand acres, which teems Avith 
cattle as wild as deer. Among my earliest recollections 
are the soft, limpid eyes of the domestic cow. There 
was nothing soft, or limpid either, about the eyes of 
those range cattle. While passing a herd of several 
hundred, the bull espied me and immediately got busy. 
He came slowly towards me, with head lowered, and 
now and then pausing to toss dirt over his back. His 
wives and children followed in his wake. Your Uncle 
Nat had his eye peeled for just such a contingency, and 
chased over to a tree. Mr. Bull kept coming and your 
uncle kept climbing. 

Sitting in the forks, I thanked the Lord for having 
a tree so conveniently situated. Picture my anxiety 
when the cows surrounded the tree and I became the 
cynosure of two hundred pairs of eyes as cold, expres- 
sionless and merciless as glittering steel. 

No water, no food, and the likelihood of no one pass- 
ing for a week. The question is, thought I, which can 
go the longest without water — the cows or myself. The 
cows had it on me slightly, for they could eat and I 
couldn't. Mr. Bull, I presume, wanted to show off be- 
fore his wives and youngsters, for he valiantly strutted 
back and forth, bellowing, with his tail curled, as much 
as to say: 



The Arizona Limited 13 

"Am I not a peach? Don't ever make eyes at that 
big spotted bull with the other herd after this. Didn't 
I make that long, slim skate take to the tall timber? 
Huh ! just let me get at him." 

For an hour I tried to conjure up some scheme to 
stampede them. Tried hallooing, but the cows seemed 
to like my voice, for they only drew the closer. Ah ! an 
idea. 

I held my knapsack in one hand and mackintosh in 
the other, and when the valiant Mr. Bull was directly 
under me, both Avere dropped simultaneously. The 
former landed on his back and the latter over his neck. 

The stampede was instantaneous and complete. Wow ! 
down through the meadow went the herd, the valiant 
defender leading, then the cows, and the poor little 
calves bringing up the rear. 

Old cattlemen in Santa Barbara told me I was ex- 
ceedingly lucky in getting through alive, as the range 
cattle are very much afraid of a man on horseback, but 
not at all so of one on foot. 

The entire walk through the San Marcus ranch of 
twenty miles was accomplished without meeting a sot^I. 
I didn't get at all lonesome, though, as the scenery was 
beautiful and the woods alive with animals and birds. 

A pack of six coyotes crossed the road seventy-five 
yards ahead of me, and a number of times were seen 
loping about at no great distance. Early in the after- 
noon the ranch house was reached. N^o one was at 
home but the old Spanish cook, who was unable to talk 



14 The Arizona Limited 

in English, and as "savvy" v^^as the limit of my Spanish 
vocabulary, you can imagine the brilliancy of the con- 
versation. However, she understood my signs and 
prepared me a dinner of pork, prunes, flatcake and tea. 

Later in the afternoon I met two ladies from "classic 
Boston," who had driven out from Santa Barbara. They 
evinced a good deal of interest in my tour, but were 
greatly mystified by my slang expressions, which I used 
profusely, for fun, of course. In describing my arrival 
into King City, it was expressed like this: "My off- 
side pony was stiff, and my nigh one sore and done to a 
frazzle, but when your Uncle Dudley hit up the straw, 
it was all off with the big tramp." 

The walk down the mountain proved a lovely journey. 
The excellent road winds 'round and 'round the moun- 
tain. Away off to the left can be seen the city of Santa 
Barbara, situated on the bay twelve miles distant, and 
stretching beneath you for miles and miles are orange 
and lemon groves and other luxurious vegetation. 

When I stumbled rather than walked into the Potter 
hotel, after having traversed forty miles, exhausted and 
hungry, you can imagine the sensation created among 
the brilliant assemblage in evening dress. 

San Francisco, 370 miles — 3,340 miles ]S[cw York. 



The Arizona Limited 15 

CHAPTER III. 

GUEST OF THE CAMARILLAS. 

A Visit to a Drunkard's Ranch — A Meeting With Two Kindred 
Spirits — Los Angeles — In Sore Straits — My Friend Attends 
a Bargain Sale — The Journey Resumed — Pasadena — "Old 
Scissors" — The Lucky Baldwin Ranch. 

Wednesday morning found me on the road to Ven- 
tura, twenty-nine miles distant. I was loth to leave 
Santa Barbara, and am firmly resolved some day to re- 
turn to this land of orange and lemon groves — this city 
of sunshine, flowers and perpetual summer. 

The roadway led me along the bay, and what with the 
exquisite scenery and the many driving, riding and 
motoring parties, there was something worth seeing 
happening every minute. Sampled the oranges several 
times. Are they good ? 

Go out to California and pull one of those big, sweet, 
juicy fellows off the tree, back up against the tnmk and 
eat it. I bet the next thing you'll do will be to pull 
another and still another, until a peck, more or less, is 
consumed. 

Arrived in Ventura late in the afternoon, where I 
was nicely received by the hotel proprietor. 

March 3rd the walk was to Camarillas. I was in 
imminent danger of lodging in the fence corner and 
boarding at the creek. The city boasts of three houses, 
and not one of them would entertain me. However, I 
learned that several miles further on lived a wealthy 



16 The Arizona Limited 

Castilian ; and knowing it to be the last opjDortunity in 
eight miles where a night's lodging conld be procured, I 
gave him a talk right from the heart. He tumbled. 
Both he and his wife were the personification of cordial- 
ity. He possesses five thousand acres, and plants it 
all in lima beans. Ventura county raises more beans 
than any country in the world. 

On March fourth had a long walk of thirty-seven 
miles to Calabasas. Stopped at noon at a drunkard's 
ranch. Both he and his wife are brandy-drinkers. 
They have three children, a boy and two girls, who are 
daily witnesses to their fearful debaucheries. No one 
was found at the home but a deformed dwarf, the cook 
and general utility man. The old fellow told me the 
story. For weeks at a time neither father nor mother 
draw a sober breath. When drunk they have an insane 
desire to separate their belongings. Consequently the 
daily fights. 

The children for the past two years had not attended 
school, but have lived in the filth and squalor of the most 
wretched home I had ever seen. They are quite weal- 
thy, and, judging from their pictures, evidently came 
from a good English family. 

I made Calabasas in time for supper. A few minutes 
after my arrival two men walked into the hotel. They 
were going to San Francisco, and from thence to the 
far East as war correspondents. 

Reached Los Angeles at six o'clock, and the "Exam- 
iner" headed its article the next morning, "Walked 
thirty miles in time for dinner." 



The Arizona Limited 17 

You doubtless remember that passage in Mark An- 
tony's oration over the dead body of Caesar : "Oh, what 
a fall was there, my countrymen," et cetera. My fall 
to the ten-cent eating dumps from such famous hostel- 
ries as the Vendome, El Paso de Robles and The An- 
geles, was co-equal with Caesar's. 

Don't think for a moment that we dined regularly, 
even at these cheap joints. Sometimes it was once, 
again twice, and, if it was three times, we esteemed 
ourselves the "Darlings of the Gods." 

A Chicago newspaper man is the other person of 
"we." He lost his money playing the ponies, and I 
had only two-forty when I hit the town, so we pooled 
our interests during my stay in the city. Occasionally 
around the hotel lobbies a picture card was sold to an 
Eastern "sucker." Sometimes I thought the aforesaid 
suckers knew that I was in need of a meal, although 
nothing but big money was ever talked. 

My eighty-cent Ingersoll repeater was up with one of 
the "most popular restauranturs" for five ten-cent meals, 
but as it wouldn't run, he called in his ticket. Once, 
after we had gone twenty-four hours without our daily 
ten-center, Chicago and myself decided something just 
had to be "did." Chicago was delegated a committee 
of one to make a "touch" in Pasadena, where he had a 
friend stopping. Late in the afternoon in he came, 
staggering under a load of parcels. "Groodness!" 
thought I, "he has gone temporarily deranged and 
bought out a whole grocery store." 

This is what he unwrapped: 



18 The Arizona Limited 

Six pairs of ladies' fancy hosiery, 

Eight lace collarettes, 

Four large magnifying glasses, 

N'ine quires of blue writing paper. 

Chicago had attended a bargain sale, and was "as 
tickled as the mother of a baby with a new tooth." 

I stood it all until he produced from the last package 
four of the largest, longest and ugliest paper snakes I 
ever saw. The trash represented one hundred meals — 
yes, it was too much ; I lifted up my face and wept. 

Los Angeles is a very remarkable city. From a popu- 
lation of 11,000 in 1880 it has become the second city 
west of the Rockies, with a population of 180,000 souls. 
And what a cosmopolitan place it is — people from every 
section of the globe are numbered among its population. 
The parks and avenues are wonderful, both abounding 
in semi-tropical vegetation and shaded by the eucalyptus 
and the pepper. 

After a four-weeks' stay in Los Angeles, the trip was 
resumed on April second. A local paper published 
something about my projected tour across the Great 
American Desert with a three-cent piece, which drew 
quite a crowd to the City Hall to see me start ; or, as one 
man expressed it, "to see the man who was that big a 
fool." My top-knot was bedecked with a Mexican straw 
sombrero, elaborately trimmed with silver braid. It 
was very becoming to my style of beauty. 

Walked down Orange avenue in Pasadena, considered 
by many the most beautiful in the world. How allur- 
ing and seductive is this Southern California ! When 



The Arizona Limited 19 

I find that heiress I have been searching for lo, these 
many years, she will be allowed (don't you think it 
exceedingly magnanimous in me?) to select our future 
residence from one of three places, viz. : Santa Barbara, 
Los Angeles or Pasadena. Each is so altogether charm- 
ing and attractive that it would be impossible for me to 
decide which is the most so. 

Walked through the Lucky Baldwin ranch, the home 
of some of America's greatest thoroughbreds. Baldwin 
has divided a portion of it into lots, and is building the 
town of Arcadia ; it is appropriately named, certainly. 

Late in the afternoon met quite a character in the 
person of one Frederick Cassion, occupation, scissors- 
grinder, formerly of ISTew Orleans ; he was a Louisiana 
Tiger in the Civil War. 

"Yes, sir ; so you are from the South, sir ?" he rattled 
on in his thin, piping voice. "From Virginia, you say, 
sir? JSTice place, sir, is Virginia, sir. ISTear Winches- 
ter, sir ?" 

"I live further up the Shenandoah Valley, at Lex- 
ington," answered I. 

"Know where it is very well, sir; the place where Lee 
and Jackson are buried, sir — Virginia is a nice place 
to be buried in, sir." 

"And a good place to live, too," I added. 

"Why do you wear glasses, sir," inquired the old man, 
"are you near-sighted, sir ?" 

"My trouble," said I, "is astigmatism — that is, my 
eyes do not focus without a strain. These lenses are 
ground especially for them and correct this natural de- 
fect." 



20 The Arizona Limited 

"Ah, sir, I see, sir, you are well graduated, sir, for 
one coming from Virginia, sir." 

Dig number two for the Old Dominion. 

"Scissors" and myself walked for a couple of hours 
together. He said he spent his winters in California 
and the summers in the East, where he could make more 
money, but that the wintry winds of the East were 
highly detrimental to his delicate mechanism. We were 
talking about the war when his practiced eye spied a 
vacant shed situated in an orange grove, which he said 
looked good to him for the night. 

I was traveling in the San Gabriel valley, which, by 
means of irrigation, is developing into a very rich sec- 
tion of California. 

The following is an extract from the San Demas 
Eagle : 

"Michael G. Harman was in town last Sunday on his 
way to New York, a-foot. He started from Frisco and 
intends to see the country to the best advantage. The 
two things distinguishing the gentleman are his great 
height and his great hat. The latter caused one of our 
young hopefuls to lisp, 'Gimme ride on your somrero.' " 

San Francisco, 515 miles — 3,195 miles New York. 



The Arizona Limited 21 

CHAPTER IV. 

JOURNEY WITH A DESERT RAT. 

The Unmitigated Nerve of a Hobo — A Terrible Night in Cajon 
Caiion — The Walker Enters the Desert — The Mouth of the 
Valley of Death — Professor George Lamont Webster, the 
Desert Poet Song-writer, Dramatist, Inventor and Financier. 

At San Bernardino I purchased a second-hand canteen 
for fifteen cents, in which, as we say down in old Vir- 
ginia, to "tote" my water. 

Overtook north of San Bernardino a prospector, or 
"desert rat," as they are called in the far West, packing 
from Yuma, Arizona, to Barstow, California. Two 
burros packed his outfit. 

He was found to be quite well educated and very en- 
tertaining. In conversation he said : 

"For twenty years I have been roving over this desert 
country of eastern California, Arizona and l!^evada in 
search of gold. Was engaged to marry a girl in Ver- 
mont when I came west to seek my fortune. I am, as 
you see, still seeking. The last communication received 
from her was fifteen years ago — an invitation to her 
wedding." 

"Do you ever contemplate returning home?" I in- 
quired. 

"ISTot unless I strike it rich," he answered, "and then 
only for a time. Guess my bones will be laid on these 
desert wastes. You see, partner," he continued, "this 



22 The Arizona Limited 

wild, free life of the prospector wholly unfits one for 
the conventionalities of the East." 

"Have you ever found any gold in your long search ?" 
I asked. "Yes," he replied, "but only a thousand or 
so, when the claim petered out." 

"Don't you ever become discouraged ?" was the next 
enquiry. 

"At times, yes; but then," he added with a laugh, 
"the dearest and sweetest word in the English language 
is 'hope'. Hope is to the prospector what religion is to 
a woman." 

A grand and sublime exhibition of unmitigated nerve 
came under my observation at a way-station called Ken- 
wood. The Desert Rat was watering and unpacking his 
burros, and I was taking a short rest before starting on 
the last ten miles to the Summit. 

There was also a hobo doing the rest act. We heard, 
several miles distant, one of the immense Santa Fe 
engines climbing the terrific grade to the Summit. 

"I'm going to board that train," said the 'bo, and 
down the track he went for a hundred yards or more, 
and was lost to view in the undergrowth bordering the 
track. The train, a passenger one, didn't stop at Ken- 
wood, but pulled by very slowly. 

Where do you suppose our 'bo was ? Listen ! Stand- 
ing on the observatory platform of a private car, leaning 
gracefully against the door-sill, smoking a cigarette and 
viewing the passing scenery. 

"Surely," said I, "that is our friend of a few minutes 
ago on that private car." 



The Arizona Limited 23 

"It most certainly is," replied the Desert Rat, "what 
is it these fellows won't do." 

A railroad agent advised me to make a short cut 
through Cajon canon to the Summit. It was nearly 
sundown when the canon was reached, and common-sense 
should have kept me on the railroad track, but it didn't ; 
maybe I haven't any — if I have, none was exercised. 
Ere a mile was covered, the caiion was wrapped in inky 
blackness ; nothing was discernible but the tops of those 
great perpendicular walls of the caiion, against the star- 
lit sky. Time after time I fell sprawling over large 
boulders which the trail, if it could be called such, was 
strewn with. Again and again I wandered out of the 
trail into the underbrush. The going was very heavy 
— sinking into the sand up to my shoetops. 

Finally I lost the trail completely, and, after several 
vain attempts to regain it, accepted the inevitable, to 
camp in the caiion and await daylight. Crawled around 
on the ground to gather a few twigs to start a fire. The 
caiions get intensely cold at night. I was very hungry, 
not having tasted food for twelve hours, and nearly per- 
ishing with thirst. The fire had died to a bed of coals, 
and evidently I had been dozing for some time, when I 
was aroused by a terrible roar in close proximity — a 
mountain lion — which reverberated from one caiion wall 
to the other. Was I scared ? Oh, no ; not at all ; could 
feel myself turn from purple to green and from green 
to purple ; the blood froze, and my heart stopped beating 
it seemed to me for an hour. The only weapon of de- 
fense carried was a double-edged hunting knife with an 



24 



The Arizona Limited 



eight-inch blade, placed in my leggings. Involuntarily 
my hand sought the knife; Caesar's ghost and seedless 
persimmons, it was missing ! It had slipped from its 
place in one of my numerous falls. 'Twould have been 
of little service except for the effect on my courage, for, 
in an encounter with, a wild beast unless a vital point 
is reached at the first stab, it is useless. 




The Arizona Limited 



25 



Soon an answering roar was heard at some distance 
from the camp. I knew it was the lion's mate, and soon 
I would have two surrounding the camp instead of one. 

I was oblivious to hunger, cold, thirst and sleep. One 
thought absorbed me — body and soul — could I keep the 
fire going until daybreak? I knew full well that my 
safety depended on that alone. I gathered all the sticks 




26 The Arizona Limited 

and twigs within a radius of ten feet ; was afraid to stray 
further. The occasional roars of the beasts alone broke 
the intense silence of that gloomy cailon. Every time 
I heard a noise I'd add a new stick to the fire to make 
the blaze larger; and pray to the Lord. It's strange 
what queer thoughts one has in times of imminent dan- 
ger. Wondered if they'd come with their mouths open, 
and if they did, could I scare them away by thrusting a 
brand in the mouth or the eye; burn them a bit, you 
know. 

The lions were distinctly heard crossing the canon 
both above and below the camp. Thought several times 
I saw the glare of their eyes by the camp-fire light, but 
it may have been only my overwrought imagination. 

'^0 doting mother ever watched more anxiously over a 
beloved child than I did over that fire. An hour before 
the break of day my wood supply was exhausted, and it 
was necessary to take a short excursion for a supply, 
which was obtained some twenty-five feet from the 
camp ; expected to be nabbed every step of the way, but 
was unmolested. JSTo doubt the lions had sought their 
lair, as they hadn't been heard for several hours. 

When morning came I felt a thousand years old, but 
retraced the route and found my knife. After a walk 
of six miles, arrived at a stationhouse where I received 
a much-needed breakfast. 

The night following was passed on the floor of a sta- 
tionhouse. In the morning I practically invited myself 
to breakfast with the agent who seemed reluctant to dis- 
pense his hospitality. Was at first inclined to be indig- 



The Arizona Limited '2i^ 

nant, and start out hungry, but thought better of it and 
decided to give vent to my indignation at a more oppor- 
tune moment. 

After passing the Summit I v^as on the Desert proper. 
The fragrant flowers would no more revive the weary 
walker, nor could he recline under the friendly shade of 
an orange tree and have his hunger appeased and palate 
tickled by the juicy fruit. I felt very badly at leaving 
the most beautiful country in the world behind me, with 
eight hundred miles of barren alkali wastes in front. 
For the flowers I had the sagebrush — for the cultivated 
people, the desert rats and degenerate red men. It's a 
treacherous and dangerous country, and it has been said 
of it that "a crow must carry his rations" as he flies 
across. I had no idea of flying, neither did I carry any 
rations, and seventy-three cents was all the money I 
had ; but I felt supremely confident I would reach Albu- 
querque on schedule time. 

Saturday morning, April ninth, I arrived at Barstow 
and ate luncheon at the railroad restaurant. I have quite 
a weakness for large, juicy beefsteaks — and had one. 
On leaving Barstow, I for the first time faced due east- 
ward. In the afternoon I passed Daggett, which is 
situated at the mouth of the Valley of Death, so named 
because of its deadly peril to travelers. Was very thank- 
ful it was only necessary for me to pass, and not 
traverse it. 

It was rather late, when entering the station at 
N"ewberry, which consists of a station house and water 
tank, I was greeted by a vision, not a lovely one, but a 



28 The Arizona Limited 

vision nevertheless. It was Professor George Lament 
Webster, the "Desert Poet," in all the habiliments of 
night fireman and telegraph operator on a hot night in 
the desert, viz. : a dirty balbriggan shirt, a pair of blue 
overalls, tennis shoes, and a four-weeks' growth of red 
beard. 

His fiery red hair was a foot long, more or less. The 
Professor was certainly a peach for looks. 

He was very cordial in his greeting: 

"Sit right down and rest yourself," he said, "you 
know I'm a literary genius." 

I at once knew he was a character. Soon he produced 
a printed copy of a poem published by a St. Louis con- 
cern. The reproduction of the title page will give you 
some idea of the richness of the context : 

"The Great Poem, 

MILLEE, 

The Companion Poem, 

Milloo. 

Copyrighted 1903 by George Lament Webster, 

Author of the Beautiful Songs, 

Sweet Mamie McLain, 

^Now she's mine, the village belle, 

Pray tell them you heard that I was dead. 

Sporting play: 

HAEDING KNOX PEIZE-FIGHTER, 

The Comedy — How Mr. Carter got out of it." 

The poem is very pathetic. The professor, while 
reading it to me in his most impressive style, was moved 
to tears. Milloo is a parody on Millee. 



The Arizona Limited 29 

"It's all very beautiful and pathetic, Professor," said 
I, at the same time wiping away the tears which were 
standing on my cheeks like dewdrops on a full-blown 
rose on a July morn, "but tell me why you had Millee 
and Milloo published and bound together ? It seems to 
me it rather mars Millee. Possibly it was to accentuate 
the extreme pathos of the latter ; am I right ?" 

"In a way, yes," was the reply. "Millee is unques- 
tionably the greatest poem since Gray's Elegy in a 
Country Churchyard. Whenever a really great poem 

or song is written, some d d fool comes along with a 

parody. I anticipated him, and wrote it myself." 

"Now," he continued, "I am so busily engaged on 
many large enterprises that I haven't the time to push 
this poem. You must handle it for me. When you 
reach St. Louis have some beautiful lady recite it with 
illustrated pictures. She'll become famous and be known 
forever afterwards as the woman who recited Millee. 
When you go through Kansas, gather a troupe, and stage 
at the World's Fair the comedy, "How Mr. Carter got 
out of it." 

"But, Professor," interrupted I, "do you think the 
rural districts of the Sunflower State a good place to 
gather theatrical timber?" 

"No trouble at all. Tell them we'll make them stars 
for life." 

Happened to open casually the copy of "How Mr. 
Carter got out of it," and the first passage that caught 
my eye was this : 



30 The Arizona Limited 

"What are you doing there, Katie ?" 

"Oh, father, don't bother now. I am singing and 
playing the beautiful songs written by Professor George 
Lamont Webster." 

"Are you not," enquired I, "going to let me stage the 
sporting play, 'Harding Knox — Prize-fighter V If I'm 
going to dabble in theatricals, I might as well go the 
limit." 

"N'o, I think not," said he, thoughtfully; "I'm re- 
serving that to play myself at some future time." 

"Professor, what are these immense enterprises that 
you spoke of ?" 

"I'm promoting a railroad from Denver to Los An- 
geles," was the reply. 

"What effect," I asked, "will that have on the Salt 
Lake and the Santa Pe roads ?" 

"What effect will it have ?" he repeated slowly ; "the 
former will be down and out, and the Santa Fe won't be 
worth a , west of Albuquerque." 

He continued, "I am promoting what is to be known 
as the George Lamont Webster Consolidated Mining 
Company, with an authorized capital of fifty millions. 
I have also a patent medicine, invented by myself, 
'George Lamont Webster's Hair Specific,' which will 
grow hair on a billiard ball." 

"That's all the gold mine you need, Professor," I 
added. "Grow John D. a little bunch of whiskers, and 
a cool million is yours." 

"An excellent idea, Harman. I'll give you a box and 
when you reach Cleveland, give it to the old man and let 
him try it." 



The Arizona Limited 31 

"And, in addition to the other propositions, I'm the 
greatest mechanical genius of the age. Have invented 
a rotary steam engine which will revolutionize the me- 
chanical world. This company will be known as 'The 
George Lament Webster Engine Company,' You un- 
derstand, Harman, I'll under no circumstances accept a 
subordinate position in any of my enterprises. I must 
be president of them all." 

"Quite right you are. Professor," said I. "But the 
desert is no place to financier enterprises. Go to Wall 
street, New York, and beard 'the lion (J. P.) in his 
den.' " 

"I was a man of large affairs in Texas ; why, once, I 
had the hay market all but cornered when my partner 
put me on the bum. Thank God, the scoundrel is now 
cutting logs in the swamps of Texas at a dollar and a 
half per." 

My couch was made on the counter in the station. 
The last thing remembered was the Professor, standing 
by my side, singing in a low, soft tone, "Pray tell them 
you heard I was dead." 

I was. 



32 The Arizona Limited 

I inspired the following choice bit of poetry, which 
the Professor produced during my oblivious hours : 

MY FRIEND MIKE. 

The first I saw of my friend Mike, 
Was out on the desert one dark night. 
And he was long and lean of shank 
As he walked up to the water tank. 

Now Frisco to York is quite a way 
The trip, you know, is not made in a day, 
He started out with just three cents 
But plenty of courage and good sense. 

To walk all the way, the sights to see, 
And write for the papers, or a book maybe ; 
To gain coin and health as well. 
Mayhap a BRIDE, one can never tell. 

Altho' quite tired from his long walk 

He was cheerful, and I enjoyed his talk; 

But one question of his jarred me out of my seat : 

Where could he find a place to wash his feet! 

That feet could be washed I had forgotten for years 
Mem'ry called up the picture of feet washed with 

tears. 
And dried with strands of beautiful hair 
From the head of a woman surpassingly fair. 



The Arizona Limited 33 

Sleep on, friend, your journey's but begun; 
Before you lies fame, wife and fortune; 
Rest for your feet and brain, you need, I know. 
Also a wholesome breakfast before you go. 

Altho' we meet on these desert sands 

We may meet again in better lands. 

'The Call of the Wild' has no charms for me, 

And I long some beautiful city to see. 

Somewhere fortune waits for you and me, 

Then, when life is what it should be, 

And bright lights, music and lovely women hold 

sway. 
We'll pledge our friendship anew in that better day. 

San Francisco, 637 miles — 3,073 miles ISTew York. 



34 The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTER V. 

LUDLOW. 

Death by Thirst the Most Horrible of All — How a Novice Mis- 
judged Distances in the Desert — A Night Walk — An At- 
tempted Hold-up Frustrated — Intense Heat at Needles — 
Cross the Colorado River — Grafting Meals in the Desert — 
Kingman. 

On April ninth I walked to Ludlow. The night 
operator conducted me to a box-car where a luxurious 
couch was constructed out of gunny sacks. No Vander- 
bilt or Astor, on his down, slept a better sleep or enjoyed 
it more thoroughly than did the pedestrian. Guess I'd 
be sleeping yet had the night operator not banged on 
the car, and informed me the agent desired my company 
at breakfast. At the word "breakfast," the walker was 
alert. There is not a word in Webster's Unabridged 
that will make a long-distance walker "sit up and take 
notice" quicker. I was on the job in five minutes by 
the watch, and it was ham and eggs. On a long walk, 
for a stayer, they can't be beat in a hundred years. 

The next day journeyed to Bagdad. This section of 
the desert is situated only a few hundred feet above the 
sea level, and the weather was intensely warm. The 
amount of water one consumed was appalling. When 
walking my throat was parched all the time ; the alkali 
is like powder, it's so fine, and lodges in the nostrils 
and throat. At times it is impossible to swallow with- 
out the aid of tepid water from the canteen. In the 



The Arizona Limited 35 

desert, to see that one's water supply is sufficient is of 
primary importance. This had been impressed on me 
by the stories of the old-timers in the country. 

If a person is in distress a train must stop and pick 
him up; it is against the law for a train to put one off 
except at a water tank. A railroad man of twenty 
years' experience said: 

"One of the peculiarities of a man dying of thirst, 
after his tongue begins to swell and he gets delirious, 
is to disrobe by piecemeal. Whenever an engineer on 
his lookout sees a pair of shoes here, a hat there, and, 
a little further on, a coat, the crew is notified to keep 
a sharp lookout— for there's a man dying of thirst in 
the desert. And," he continued, "the chances are that 
within a mile or so (they go quickly when they get de- 
lirious) the poor devil will be found, naked and down 
on his knees, digging in the sand for water, with his 
fingers all broken and bleeding. Of course when a man 
is that far gone it is next to impossible to save him." 

To illustrate how quickly one goes in the extreme 
weather, a man told me he had known of numerous cases 
where the victim had been within a quarter of a mile of 
water and succumbed before reaching it. 

When Bagdad was reached the manager of Fred Har- 
vey's entertained me at supper. Gave him a photo- 
graph of myself, and he must have liked the cut of my 
jib, for he invited me to breakfast. It was only neces- 
sary to throw a little jolly into these fellows, and nine 
times in ten they would tumble. 



36 The Arizona Limited 

It was with no regrets that at five o'clock I left my 
couch ; even the softest spot on the floor grows hard after 
a few hours. 

Six o'clock fouud me hitting it up to Danbj. 

After traversing fifteen miles arrived at a side-track, 
where I found a commissary car of a large steel gang. 
Far be it from me to pass anvthing like a cook-car. 
Found the commissary, and, at his solicitation, decided 
to spend the day with him, and walk the remaining 
twenty miles to Danby after sundown. 

He and I were sitting in the doorway of the car, en- 
deavoring to keep cool in a temperature of something 
over a hundred degrees in the shade, when I observed as 
follows : 

"After the sun disappears, suppose we step over to 
those moimtains and make a hurried investigation — 
they look interesting and we may find a gold mine." 

It was a horse on me. He lay back in his chair and 
howled with delight. 

"How far do you think those mountains are from 
here ?" he enquired. 

"A couple of miles," was my reply. 

"Multiply that by six and you have the distance." 

Noticing the incredulous look on my face, he con- 
tinued : 

"It is simply impossible for a novice properly to 
judge distances in this atmosphere." 

Left the camp at five o'clock for the night walk to 
Danby. How diiferent from any other night stroll in 
my recollection! Hitherto every few minutes some 



The Arizona Limited 37 

evidence of animal life would be manifested. The 
croak of a frog, bark of a dog, sound of horses' hoofs on 
the roadway, or a halloo — something that would let you 
know you were not alone in the world. But out here 
in the desert it was different. Several times I paused 
and listened, but not a sound emanating from one of 
God's living creatures could I catch. Even the monoto- 
nous call of the whip-poor-will would have been welcome. 
The stillness of death reigned. N^othing appeared in- 
viting or attractive ; even the mountains arose tall, bare 
and forbidding, on the horizon of this country accursed 
by the Almighty in his wrath. The feeling of loneliness 
and solitude is indescribable. 

You can imagine how startled I was when upon 
rounding a sharp curve I saw a camp-fire something like 
a hundred yards from the track. I knew from the way 
it was burning that it had but lately been replenished, 
but because of its glare could discern no person. 

It was fortunate that it was there as I was getting 
dopy, and it thorouglily aroused me for an adventure I 
was to encounter a few minutes later. Half a mile east 
of the fire is the side-track called Cadiz, six miles west 
of Danby. Just as I was opposite the side-track I heard 
two men talking, and saw them walking rapidly west- 
ward. I stopped dead in my tracks and listened. Could 
tell by the sound that we were on the same side of the 
track, so I gently crossed over, pulled my frog-sticker 
and prepared for action. As it was only starlight, had 
my suit been of dark material they would have passed 
without noticing me. My uniform and Mexican som- 
brero, however, attracted their attention. 



38 The Arizona Limited 

They stopped directly opposite me with a start, and, 
for the period of ten seconds, peered intently at me. The 
interval was sufficient for me to make up my mind, if 
need be, to fight to a finish, for I knew they were hoboes, 
as no baggage was carried (an almost infallible sign). 

They separated as though to surround me, and started 
to cross the track. 

''Hands up !" one of the men called. 

"Halt !" came from me in a ringing tone, and I was 
surprised to find no tremor in it. Stay on your side 
of the track or I'll fire." 

They halted all right. The 'bos were sufficiently 
close to see the glitter of steel in the starlight, but, of 
course, couldn't discern that it was not a revolver. One 
of them asked : 

"Have-er-you saw-er-a young fellow walking west to- 
night ?" 

"ISTot a soul has been 'saw' for fifteen miles," was my 
reply. 

"Could you give a fellow a bite to eat or a drink of 
water from the canteen ?" he next enquired. 

The same old game to take you off your guard. 

"ISTo, I'm neither a perambulating water-tank nor 
travelling commissary for the public. Now move, and 
lively, too." 

I let their footsteps die completely out before resum- 
ing the journey, at a lively rate, to Danby. 

The agent at the last-named point told me had seen 
the 'bos loafing around the water tank in the afternoon, 
and they were desperate-looking characters. Had the 



The Arizona Limited 39 

wind been from the west instead of the east, they would 
have had the drop on ME. They'd have got between two 
freight cars (there was a string of them on the siding), 
cracked me on the head with a coupling pin, taken what 
I had, dug a hole in the sand and — well, 'twould have 
been the end of little Willie. 

The next morning while performing my toilet in the 
waiting-room, which consisted of lacing my shoes and 
adjusting my eyeglasses, I overheard the night operator 
informing the agent of my arrival. 

"Some fool seeking cheap notoriety," was his com- 
ment. 

He was dead easy, though. At the end of a ten-min- 
utes' jolly I was feasting round his festive board. 

April thirteenth reached Needles. In the afternoon, 
on rounding a curve, saw the tovsm situated on the banks 
of the Colorado river. "Gee !" thought I to myself, 
"but the old boy must have been going some to-day. 
Another hour will find me in the city." 

It was just four hours by the watch before it was 
reached. I was twelve miles distant when the town was 
first observed, and I thought it four. Passed the night 
at a hotel and occupied an inside room, with the ther- 
mometer registering one hundred and three degrees at 
seven P. M. ISTeedles is reckoned the second warmest 
town in the United States — Yuma, Arizona, being the 
first. 

The Santa Fe depot is a very lively and interesting 
place. 

The Mojave squaws are quite skilful in making nov- 
elty beadwork. All day long they squat around on the 



40 The Arizona Limited 

platform, arising only to go to the train windows to dis- 
pose of their wares to the suckers bound east or west. 

In Topock spent the night with an old prospector who 
had opened a general store there. At sundown we went 
over to the banks of the river, made a fire and cooked 
supper. 

''Guess you'd like to know," said the old man, "why, 
when I have a house with a stove in it, I come out here 
to cook, but I have been cooking and living in the open 
air so many years that victuals don't taste when cooked 
on a stove like they do out here." 

It was with deep regret that I terminated my journey 
through wonderful and beautiful California with the 
crossing of the Colorado river. The Californians are 
very progressive, hospitable to a degree, and generous 
to a fault. They encouraged me when despondent, 
housed me when I applied for shelter, and fed me when 
hungry ; not once, but many times. My treatment at 
the hands of the Californians will ever be green in my 
memory. 

Not "a corner in my heart," but a great big space 
will be reserved for Californians, and everything per- 
taining to California, for all time. 

It may be interesting for you to know just how these 
people in the desert are worked for meals and lodging. 
They must be handled with consummate skill, for as a 
rule there is only one family at a station, and if turned 
down it may mean no supper and an additional walk of 
a dozen miles. 



The Arizona Limited 41 

Before leaving Topock I ascertained that a Kansan 
was stationed at Francione, was married — no children — 
who had only been in the desert three weeks. All the 
information I wanted ; knew he'd be dead easy. On my 
arrival at the last-named point found the agent standing 
in the doorway of the car, which was used both as an 
office and residence. 

I came up smiling. "This is Mr. (we'll call him) 
Jones, isn't it ?" On his answering in the affirmative, I 
continued : "Am very glad indeed to meet you, sir. Al- 
low me to present you with one of my cards. I am on a 
walk from San Francisco to New York." 

"Come into the car and rest awhile. I am curious to 
know who told you my name," he replied. 

"There is no mystery about that, Mr. Jones. The 
agent at Topock happened to mention it casually; said 
he talked to you frequently over the wire," was the reply. 

"Yes, the desert is so lonesome that we poor devils 
learn to know each other quite well, although we'll prob- 
ably never meet personally." 

"It is a terrible country and on the completion of this 
journey it will be dear old Kansas for me in the future," 
said I, with the most innocent expression in the world. 

Jones covered the intervening space in one leap, which 
by actual measurement was fourteen feet, grasped me 
by the hand and exclaimed : 

"Great Scott, man, are you from Kansas ?" 

"Great Bend, Barton county," I answered (was thor- 
oughly familiar with that town, as a month had been 
spent in that vicinity the year previous.) 

"I'm from Wichita," he said. 



42 The Arizona Limited 

Then it was my turn to jump fourteen feet, more or 
less, crack my heels together, grasp him by the hand and 
exclaim : 

"This is certainly a remarkable coincidence, old fel- 
low, that we two worthy scions of the Sunflower State 
should meet in this way in the great desert." 

In a few minutes he trotted in "Estelle," and it was 
up to your "Uncle Dudley" to throw a bouquet. 

"Jones, you should be ashamed to bring this lovely 
sunflower out here to droop midst the sagebrush and the 
cactus." 

It reached the spot. "Estelle," metaphorically speak- 
ing, "put the big pot in the little one," for we were soon 
called to partake of the best dinner I had eaten since 
entering the desert. 

Who will say that this fabrication was harmful ? I 
thereby received a good dinner and Jones and his wife 
spent an enjoyable two hours. When they return home 
they'll tell their friends how a man from Kansas, walk- 
ing from San Francisco to New York, dined with them, 
and of the jolly good time we had together. 

The same old game was worked every day. Nearly 
every State in the Union had been visited by me, and I 
could talk intelligently about them all. If a man was 
from Illinois I was from the same ; if he was from Okla- 
homa, so was I ; should he hail from Missouri, you had 
"to show" me. Then, again, the debt was on their side 
of the ledger, 'Tis true my meals and lodging were 
given me, but in return for them I was called upon to 
recite anecdotes of my travels, relate adventures, answer 



The Arizona Limited 43 

a multitude of questions, and appear animated and in- 
terested when, as a matter of fact, I was so worn out and 
sore that the floor (no beds those days) was the proper 
place for one who had a walk the next day in front of 
him of, possibly, thirty miles. In other words, was 
called on every day to give a dollar s worth of chin-music 
for a twenty-five cent meal. 

San Francisco, 848 miles — 2,8G2 miles N^ew York. 



44 The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTER VI. 

KINGMAN. 

The Indian School at Truxton — Williams — The Grand Canon of 
Arizona — Flagstaff — The Most Delightful Sensation in the 
World — A Narrow Escape From Death at the Canon Diablo — 
A Cheerful Man With Three Wives and Eighteen Children — 
The Petrified Forests— The Walk With a Swedish Hobo— The 
Confusion of Tongues. 

At Kingman I stopped at the Commercial Hotel. The 
town is the center of a great mining district, gold and 
copper being found in large quantities. The sheriff of 
the county is a former Alabamian; before I left he 
loaded me down with fruit and tobacco. He conducted 
me through his office which is decorated with souvenirs 
taken from the real "bad men,;" a type that is rarely 
found now except in fiction. 

After I crossed the Colorado river and ascended the 
plateau, I "swapped the devil for a witch." In the 
California desert it was the terrible heat ; in Arizona it 
was the horrible wind, which blew each day with in- 
creasing velocity. However, my Mexican sombrero, 
which was tied down like grandmother's sunbonnet, 
afforded my face great protection from the sand. 

April eighteenth I reached Truxton, where is situ- 
ated the new Indian school for the Walapais and other 
tribes. By means of irrigation the superintendent has 
created a veritable Garden of Eden. His orchard and 
garden produce nearly every fruit and vegetable known 



The Arizona Limited 45 

in the United States. Of course the beauties of the 
spot are accentuated by its barren surroundings. 

The doctor had been battling for six weeks with an 
epidemic of measles, and in the course of conversation, 
he said: 

"When the children are six years of age they are 
brought here and housed, which is very detrimental to 
their health. They have very delicate constitutions 
and are susceptible to all infectious diseases. Several 
of the children with the measles have already died, and 
eight of the little chaps are hopelessly ill in the hospital 
with complications of tuberculosis in various forms.' 

"You remember the old proverb," he continued, 
" 'you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.' We 
can bring them here, give them an education, teach them 
how to sew, cook, to be carpenters and farmers, but we 
cannot prevent their lapsing into a semi-barbarous con- 
dition on their return to the reservation, which with 
few exceptions they invariably do. They are a race of 
degenerates, and it's only a question of a few years 
when they will be exterminated by tuberculosis." 

The doctor took me into the hospital where I saw 
those eight swarthy little warriors lying side by side, 
and ranging in age from eight to twelve years. The 
doctor touched the terrible places on their bodies and 
not one of the eight emitted so much as a cry or groan. 
But the agony they were suffering was clearly discerni- 
ble in the great black eyes turned on the doctor, which 
plainly said : "I know you'll help me if you can, but 
if you cannot I'll die before I say it hurts." 



46 The Arizona Limited 

With all the Indians' savagery, degeneracy and 
treachery, there is one trait in their character which is 
most admirable, the dominant one, and one that it 
would be well for his white brother to emulate. I mean 
the attribute of self-containment. 

"The conclusions that I draw from your remarks, 
doctor, are these : That the government is endeavoring 
to regenerate a degenerate race by the means of educa- 
tion, and that the process as pursued now is detrimental 
to their health." 

The doctor answered "Yes." 

"Do you not think, doctor," I asked, "that if all sen- 
timentality was eliminated — I mean by that the idea 
of making a Twentieth Century lady and gentleman 
out of the Indian— and the children were raised in their 
homes on the reservation, and schools were established 
there, that better all 'round results could be obtained ?" 

"Have no doubt of it," he replied. 

On Tuesday, April nineteenth, my objective point 
was Seligman, Arizona, a distance of forty-three miles, 
which was accomplished against a fierce sou'east wind. 
At Picacho the foreman in charge of a well-drilling 
crew inquired if I could remain long enough for the 
"Chink" to cook me a nice beefsteak. What do you 
think of that? 

"Old man," I replied, "when the word steak is men- 
tioned this old horse is warranted not to run — stands 
without hitching — 'fetch on the flannel cakes.' " 

Seligman was not reached until eleven P. M., the 
last ten miles having been walked in the night. 



The Arizona Limited 47 

April thirteenth the walk was through a country that 
registered over a hundred degrees in the shade. The 
twentieth the walk led me through a blinding snowstorm 
into Ashfork. Was it cold ? Maybe it wasn't. The 
season was certainly rushed with a khaki suit and a 
straw sombrero. 

April twenty-first I reached Williams and was a 
guest of the Grand Canon hotel. The famous Bill Wil- 
liams mountains loom up in close proximity, and here it 
is that you take the branch to visit the Grand Canon 
of Arizona. I thought it a pretty big gulch; here is 
what another lobster thinks of it : 

"An inferno swathed in celestial fires; a whole cha- 
otic under-world, just emptied of primeval floods and 
waiting for a new creative word; a boding, terrible 
thing, unflinchingly real, yet spectral as a dream, elud- 
ing all sense of perspective or dimension, outstretching 
the faculty of measurement, overlapping the confines of 
definite apprehension. The beholder is at first unim- 
pressed by any detail; he is overwhelmed by the en- 
semble of stupendous panorama, a thousand square 
miles in extent, that lies wholly beneath the eye as if 
he stood upon a mountain peak instead of the level 
brink of a fearful chasm in the plateau whose opposite 
shore is thirteen miles away. A labyrinth of huge ar- 
chitectural forms, endlessly varied in design, fretted 
with ornamental devices, festooned with lacelike webs 
formed of talus from the upper cliffs and painted with 
every color known to the palette in pure transparent 
tones of marvelous delicacy. E^ever was a picture more 



48 The Arizona Limited 

harmonious, never flower more exquisitely beautiful. 
It flashes instant communication of all that architecture 
and painting and music for a thousand years have 
gropingly striven to express. It is the soul of Michael 
Angelo and of Beethoven." 

The walk to Flagstaff, thirty-four miles, was simply 
fearful. The wind blew with such a velocity all day 
long, and raised such clouds of sand, that at times it 
was impossible to discern objects fifty yards distant. 
From Los Angeles to Williams the major portion of the 
journey was walked on the right of way of the railroad 
company. From the last-named point clear to Albu- 
querque the track was ballasted with lava cinder, which 
is sharp as broken glass, and death and destruction to 
shoe leather. 

This necessitated my getting right out in the desert 
and piking along in sand at times nearly to my shoe- 
tops. 

I crossed the Arizona Divide on April twenty-fifth 
at Riordan, when I was more than seven thousand feet 
above the sea level. That night I stepped aside to let 
the California Limited by, going west. In the rear 
compartment of the observatory car was seen, smoking 
and laughing, a jolly party of men. A great wave of 
loneliness swept over the tired and weary traveller, and 
for the first time since leaving San Francisco he felt 
his heart sink within him and a dying of that enthus- 
iasm which had hitherto enabled him to surmount all 
obstacles. 

On reaching Flagstaff, or ^^Flaggy," as it is termed 
by the Indians, I repaired to the Commercial Hotel, 



The Arizona Limited 49 

where I was very nicely received by the proprietor. If 
there ever was a fright in this world I was one. The 
host was responsible for my having experienced the 
most delightful sensation in the world. Do you want 
to know what it was? All right, but one must know 
the conditions precedent. Listen, "these are them :" 

One must have walked thirty and odd miles in sand 
up to his ankles — against a forty-mile per hour wind 
which filled the atmosphere with sand and alkali. Fur- 
thermore, he must have gone twelve hours without food 
— his throat and mouth must be so parched and dry as 
scarcely to be able to articulate or swallow; then, and 
then only, is he prepared to experience the most de- 
lightful sensation in the world. Washing the alkali 
from one's throat ivith a cold bottle of Budweiser. That's 
all. It can't be beat in a thousand years. 

When he handed me the bottle I clutched it with both 
hands; leaned against a post for support; closed my 
eyes; turned the bottle upside down and let her go. 
Before the bottle was half emptied my sinking heart 
resumed its normal position; when two-thirds down all 
the old-time enthusiasm had returned, and when emp- 
tied to the last drop I was ready to walk to New York 
and back again. 

FlagstafP was the gateway to the Grand Caiion before 
the line from Williams was built; even now the journey 
can be made by stage. The town is situated in a very 
rich belt of timber and minerals. The Lowell Obser- 
vatory is situated here, because of the pure atmosphere 
for which Flagstaff is noted. 



60 The Arizona Limited 

Saturday night was passed at Winona, where I, not 
metaphorically but actually, hit up the feathers. My, 
but it was a shock to my system ! As no permanent 
injury resulted, such as heart failure, brain fever or 
spinal meningitis, the next morning I was early on the 
road to Dennison, where I arrived after a hard drill of 
thirty-one miles. 

Found the operator in charge a fine fellow — and his 
bride of six weeks a still finer one — for she prepared a 
dandy supper of hot biscuits and apple butter. 

At the Canon Diablo I had a very narrow escape 
from death. 

This is what a well-known descriptive writer says 
about the caiion : 

"It is one of those inconsequent things that Arizona 
is fond of displaying. For many miles you are bowled 
over a perfectly level plain, and without any prepara- 
tion whatever, save only to slacken its pace, the train 
crosses the chasm by a spider-web bridge, two hundred 
and twenty feet high and six hundred feet long, and 
then spreads over the selfsame placid expanse. 

"In the darkness of night one might unsuspectingly 
step off into its void, it is so utterly unlooked for." 

Different persons along the route had repeatedly 
warned me to be careful not to be caught on the bridge 
by the train. The station called Caiion Diablo is situ- 
ated about a mile east of the canon. When the western 
wall of the caiion was reached Sunday afternoon smoke 
was observed curling heavenward. After a wait of 
possibly ten minutes I started across, thinking that it 



The Arizona Limited 51 

was smoke from a train that had already crossed. Im- 
agine my terror when at the middle of the bridge I saw 
the train bearing down upon me. To save myself I had 
the choice either to swing over the chasm by an arm and 
leg or to run for it. I chose the former, for in running 
a misstep meant certain death. There was no railing, 
just a stringer laid along the outer edge, and to it I 
crawled, wrapped my right arm and right leg around it, 
and, like a member of the fair sex shooting at a mark, 
closed my eyes, and over I went, suspending my body 
in mid-air. The train was within a hundred yards 
when I suspended myself, but in that brief space of a 
few seconds I thought of all kinds of contingencies 
that might happen. "Suppose a lump of coal should 
fall off the tender and light on my cocoanut, or that the 
engine should squirt hot steam when opposite me?" 
If either had happened 'twould have been all over with 
the big tramp. The vibration was something terrific; 
though I was sticking to the stringer like a sick kitten 
to a hot brick I thought every moment my hold would 
be loosened and I'd be dashed to the abyss below. After 
the passage of the train I pulled myself over on the 
bridge and sat there until I regained my equanimity. 

April twenty-sixth I reached a Mormon settlement, 
Joseph City, and ate luncheon consisting of a can of 
peaches and crackers at a man's store who is the proud 
possessor of three wives and eighteen children. As a 
rule one of those sweet responsibilities has a tendency to 
sober one — but gracious me, how a man can be jolly 
with three passes comprehension! He was, though, 



52 The Arizona Limited 

and he could crack a joke and enjoy one with the best 
of them. He was "lucky on the draw," I guess. 

A visit was paid the petrified forests at Adamanta. 
There have been many theories advanced as to the origin 
of these wonderful specimens of petrified wood. I quote 
from one descriptive writer on the subject : 

"Long ere ISToah fell adrift with the heterogeneous 
company of the ark, or Adam was ; perhaps even before 
the ancestral ape first stood erect in the posture of men 
that were to be, forests were growing in Arizona, just 
as in some parts they grow to-day. And it befell in 
the course of time that they lay prostrate and over them 
swept the waters of an inland sea. Then the sea van- 
ished, the uncouth denizens of its deeps and shores be- 
came extinct, and craters belched forth volcanic spume 
to spread a further mantle of oblivion over the past. 
Yet somewhere the chain of life remains unbroken, and 
as fast as there came dust for worm to burrow in, mould 
for vegetable to sprout in, and leaf for insect to feed on, 
life crept back in multiplying forms, only to retreat 
again before the surge of elemental strife after a cen- 
tury or after a thousand years. So, to return to our 
long buried forests, some ten thousand feet of rock was 
deposited over it, and subsequently eroded clean away. 
And when these ancient logs were uncovered, and, like 
so many Van Winkles, awoke — but from a sleep many 
thousand times longer — to the sight of a world that had 
forgotten them, lo ! the sybaritic chemistry of nature 
had transformed them every one into chalcedony, topaz, 
onyx, carnelian, agate and amethyst." 




AX INDIAN MAIDKN. 



The Arizona Limited 53 

On making Pinta, called at the Henning ranch and 
found the family gathered round the festive board. An 
invitation was extended to me to join the gathering. 

In discussing the tourists Mrs. Henning, who was a 
highly educated and cultivated woman, said : 

''The average Easterner is ignorant of the prevailing 
conditions in the West. They expect everything to be 
'wild and woolly' and that the primary function of the 
West is to furnish entertainment and delectation for 
the tourist. 

"Last year the Presbyterian preachers/' she con- 
tinued, "when on their excursion to California, were 
delayed here for an hour, owing to a breakdown. On 
hearing a commotion in the front part of the house, and 
on coming from the kitchen to ascertain the cause there- 
of, I met a large number of these eminent divines march- 
ing through the house sightseeing. Did they knock? 
Oh, no, it is not necessary in the West. Just turned 
the knob and walked in. 

"Gentlemen," said I, "you are evidently laboring 
under a misapprehension. This is no Bosco eat-'em- 
alive show, but a private residence. Will you be so 
kind as to withdraw ?" 

On leaving Pinta I was joined by a Swede who was 
'boing it to Albuquerque. He asked if there was any 
objection to his accompanying me, and I told him no, 
provided he could keep apace with me. Every few 
steps he would flinch, and upon enquiring the cause the 
poor fellow displayed a hole in the bottom of each of 
his shoes about the size of a half-dollar. Several pieces 



54 The Arizona Limited 

of soleleather were produced from my knapsack which 
he trimmed and carefully placed over them. 

I unconsciously swung into that long stride which 
rarely nets me less than three and a half miles per hour. 
The Swede was scarcely five feet in height, and being 
further handicapped with wornout shoes, was with great 
difficulty keeping up with mc. As we passed the section 
house at Xavaho, the boss, who evidently had been ob- 
serving us coming down the track for some time, said, 
addressing the Swede : 

"Hey, there, partner, if you try to keep up with that 
slim-jam you'll be out of all your clothes before night." 

I was very glad he made the remark, for my day's 
companion was being treated very ungenerously. He 
was taking two steps to my one and the sweat was rolling 
down his face in streams ; he carried his hat in one hand 
and coat in the other. 

At Chambers, which consists of a section-house and 
quarters for the Mexican laborers, we rested for a while 
and had our luncheon — which, by the way, was exceed- 
ingly light for two hungry men — only a few crackers. 
Simultaneously there came from opposite directions two 
persons. One, a young Mexican — they are a very cu- 
rious people — and the other, a Navajo squaw, walking 
in her bare feet and carrying her baggage in a shawl 
which was hanging down her back and supported by her 
head. 

The squaw, speaking in the iSTavajo dialect, addressed 
a remark to the Mexican, Swede and American. The 
Mexican undertook to explain in Spanish to the Swede 



The Arizona Limited 55 

and American, what the ISTavajo wanted. Then the 
Swede "butted in" in Swedish to ascertain what the 
Mexican and N^avajo were talking about, in order to 
enlighten the American. And the American ? Well, 
he told all three, in plain, good old English, to go to 
the devil. 

Every one talking at the same time, and all in a differ- 
ent lingo. It is not necessary to go back to the Tower 
of Babel for the confusion of tongues; you can get it 
any day in the week right in Arizona. 

At Houcks, where the night was passed, I found the 
agent in bed with lumbago, and incapacitated. I re- 
paired to the kitchen and cooked supper. Gave my 
friend, the Swede, two immense sandwiches and some 
coffee, and we both crawled in behind the boiler where, 
to say the least, we didn't suffer with the cold. 

San Francisco, 1,173 miles — 2',537 miles ISTew York. 



56 The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTEE VII. 

THE WALKER ACTS THE GOOD SHEPHERD. 

Gallup — The Feeding of a Hungry Multitude — Fort Wingate — 
Attacked by an Indian's Dog — Laguna — A Fast Walk to Rio 
Puerco — 'Twas the Woman Who Did It — "It Never Rains 
But it Pours" — A Meeting With "Chicago" at Albuquerque — 
Los Cerrillos — Tim — The Arizona Limited Express — The As- 
sets — How the Prairie Schooner and Harness Were Made — 
Carrie Nation and Mark Twain. 

In the forenoon of April twenty-ninth a little angora 
kid, possibly a week old, was seen standing on the track 
bleating most plaintively for his mamma. The mother 
while feeding had evidently secreted her yonthful son 
under the friendly shade of a cactus plant, with instruc- 
tions to await her return ; the shepherd ran mamma off 
without counting the youngsters; the pangs of hunger 
got the better of Willie, and so he was found making a 
reconnoissance of the situation. The coyotes would 
have picked him up when it became dark. 

As little Willie had never seen a long-distance walker 
in full regalia before, he turned tail and ran (who can 
blame him?) as fast as his poor weak legs could carry 
him, but was captured after a short chase. The best the 
walker could do for little Willie was to offer him his 
thumb to suck. 

The pedestrian incumbered with a goat? Huh ! 
After carrying the youngster for three miles, a flock of 
goats was seen feeding at some distance from the track 



The Arizona Limited 57 

and Billy was carried over and turned loose midst the 
flock. The walker paused in his mad career across the 
continent to watch his protege's next move, and was 
amply repaid. The perseverance shown by that young 
William goat in grafting a good square meal was most 
creditable. The kid no sooner touched the ground, than 
boldly and without a moment's hesitation he made his 
play for dinner. His every action expressed the follow- 
ing sentiment : "There's a good dinner in this flock of 
goats for a rustler, if he is a stranger, and I'm going to 
get it or know the reason why." 

The first I^anny he tackled, when the discovery was 
made that her own offspring was being robbed, turned 
and viciously butted him over. The youthful ram, how- 
ever, arose and with a bleat and a shake of his head made 
for the next. After experiencing almost as many fail- 
ures as did Robert Bruce before his kingdom was attain- 
ed, he finally came to an old Nanny that took compas- 
sion on the motherless waif. 

Has it ever been your good fortune to see a young 
goat going after his dinner ? The walker had never 
witnessed any action so eloquently expressive of genuine 
satisfaction and contentment as was manifested by the 
shakes of little Willie's tail while engaged in that most 
delightful of occupations. 

, Made Gallup, or "Gallupy," as it is termed by the 
Indians, late in the evening of the twenty-ninth ; too 
late to obtain supper. The next morning the manager 
of Fred Harvey's said he'd be delighted to give me a 
meal after he had fed three trainloads of Methodists en 
route to California. 



58 The Arizona Limited 

A swell chance, well I guess, yes, when I saw them 
alight from the cars. Yon know what the brethren and 
sisters can do to fried chicken, et cetera, under ordinary 
circumstances. This occasion was an extraordinary one, 
for the trains had been delayed and the contingent 
hadn't had a morsel for ten hours. 

To alleviate my feeling about the matter, I pulled 
the long dirk out of my leggings as the brethren and 
sisters were leaving the dining-room to make way for 
the next train, and with a fierce expression on my no- 
wise handsome physiognomy, commenced whetting it on 
my shoe, now and then feeling the edge with my thumb. 
Furtive glances were mine in abundance as they sidled 
by, and I heard one sister say: 

"Just look at that wild cowboy ; isn't he picturesque ? 
He's whetting his knife, too — and that savage expres- 
sion — I just know he's going to do something horribly 
wicked. Murder some one with that terrible knife, 
probably. Oh, Doctor," she continued, turning to an 
eminent divine in close proximity, "won't you please 
go and remonstrate with that benighted creature?" 

The Doctor came, and from him and the aggregation 
that followed him the "benighted creature" got a dollar 
and a half of good United States. 

In fact, the old fellow became so interested in some 
of my stories that he lost his train (which was the first 
section), and had to take the second. He made a game 
run for it (or pretended he did). I believe he wanted 
to shake his good dame for a brief space, anyway. Too 
late ! The train disappeared in the distance, with his 



The Arizona Limited 59 

wife waving and signaling frantically to him. I'll 
wager, from her gesticulations, that she wasn't singing, 
"Here we go around the bend, good-bye, my lover, good- 
bye." 

In taking a short cut across the desert to Tort Win- 
gate, an army post, I lost my way, and for more than an 
hour wandered about trying to regain it. When, how- 
ever, I had abandoned hope of finding the fort, and 
was endeavoring to locate the railroad track again, I 
accidentally struck the trail which led me to the fort. 

There I remained as the guest of an army officer until 
the morning of April 30th, when I left for Thoreau. 
When several miles east of Gaum, came upon an Indian 
and his boy harnessing their team of bronchos, prepara- 
tory to breaking camp. Imagine my surprise when 
within fifty yards of the wagon I saw a vicious-looking 
brute of a dog leap from under it and make for me on 
a dead run. He meant business, too. But "lor chile !" 
I had become so accustomed to dogs on this journey that 
unless he was at least the size of a yearling calf he held 
out no terrors. 

Fortunately he was caught just right on the point of 
the jaw, with an uppercut delivered with my boot. I 
thought that dog never was going to stop turning somer- 
saults backwards. 

When he did finally land, however, he tucked his tail 
between his legs and scooted. Guess he's running yet ; 
at any rate he was when last seen. The strange part of 
it was that neither of the Indians made the slightest at- 
tempt to arrest the brute when he was running towards 



60 The Arizona Limited 

me, but when they saw Ficlo describing a series of hy- 
perbolical paraboloids they both laughed very heartily. 

In Thoreau there were quite a number of Navajo 
Indians gathered at the store, and among them was one 
of the most expert silversmiths of the tribe. While 
there he turned in a dozen souvenir silver s^^oons, ham- 
mered from Mexican silver dollars. 

The merchant told me that all the silversmiths of the 
tribe belong to one family. The smith then ordered 
two cans of cherries and a bag of ginger cakes, and he, 
his squaw and an invited guest, a young buck, all squat- 
ted on the floor for the feast. The men were each 
armed with a spoon with which they fished out the 
cherries. Did the squaw have a spoon ? 

Way, nay; there's nothing like that in the Indian's 
family. 

She sat by her lord and master waiting patiently for 
the Great Spirit to move a cherry her way, which wasn't 
very often. 

That night I slept in the store on a couch constructed 
of those Navajo blankets which this tribe of Indians are 
so skilful in weaving. 

On May first, in the walk to Grants, New Mexico, I 
crossed the Continental Divide, which is something like 
seven thousand feet above the sea level. The following 
day made Laguna, where one of the largest and most 
interesting of the pueblos is situated. 

Left Laguna May fourth in fine spirits, intending to 
pass the night at Rio Puerco. Early in the day the 
fickle goddess called "Luck" played me false ; the oper- 



The Arizona Limited 61 

ator with whom I intended lunching was in Albuquer- 
que. IsTothing was dreamed of but a hearty reception 
from the agent at Rio Puerco, for I carried a letter of 
introduction from a friend of his. However, as I neared 
the station, having completed, as I thought, the fastest 
day's walk of the journey, thirty-two miles in eight 
hours, a ^'greaser" was observed sitting on a hand-car. 

''Where are you going?" he asked in fairly good 
English. 

"I'm on a walk from San Francisco to New York 
City," was the reply. 

"Keep moving, then," was his rejoinder. 

"I don't want to walk the entire distance in one day, 
partner; I intend to spend the night here and continue 
to-morrow." 

"You can't stop here to-night," he said, "for I have 
strict orders to keep every one moving on the right of 
way." 

I then went to the agent with my letter of introduc- 
tion from his friend, and would have fixed matters all 
right had not his wife, with several dirty brats at her 
heels and one in her arms, "butted in." 

"No," she snapped, "you cannot stop here. Why 
don't you work for your living like decent people ?" 

Saw that her case called for heroic treatment. 

"Madam," said I, "I don't ask for anything to eat, 
although thirty-two jniles have been covered since break- 
fast, but I do ask that you allow me to remain in the 
station until morning. It is eleven miles to Sandia 
and I'm tired and hungry and in no condition to cover 
the distance in darkness. 



62 The Arizona Limited 

"The Creator, madam," I continued, ''bath made the 
world and the people thereon, and He in his wisdom, 
to avoid monotony, constituted men differently. We 
have the rich and the poor, the wise and the foolish ; the 
fools are subdivided into harmless fools, vicious fools, 
and darned fools, and I am unfortunately lined up with 
the last. 

"Who knows, madam," with a dramatic gesture, "but 
that the very babe nestling at your bosom may be, in 
the future, in need of shelter and food ? Who knows 
but that he may be a wanderer over this very desert, 
tired, hungry and — ". 

"He ain't going to be no bum, so there !" she retorted. 

The spiteful old cat jumped out of the office as sud- 
denl}' as she had popped in. 

The two deputy sheriffs, after the disastrous ending 
of my peroration, escorted me to the bridge and said 
"hike !" 

Ere two miles had been covered it became pitch dark. 
The section men had been aligning the track and had 
stakes driven on each side and in the center of it, which 
stood sufficiently high for me to dash my feet against 
them. When the next siding was reached I decided to 
await the rising of the moon at twelve o'clock. To add 
to my discomfort the canteen was empty and I was 
nearly famished for water. Owing to the trouble at 
the station I had forgotten to refill it. ]\Iy leggings 
and shoes were removed, and with the knapsack on the. 
ground for a pillow, I endeavored to cover a six-foot 
carcass with a four-foot mackintosh. Was awakened 



.gvr* 



&,. 



0,1* 






-4^ 







---- V^^ 



'-v 




^'^a^^ 



2%:"^^ 
'^>^ 



F.Vr-SlMll.KS KN KOUTK 



The Arizona Limited 63 

by a Santa Fe freight pulling in on the siding. I knew 
it was then twelve, for there was a big moon rising ap- 
parently out of the desert. Was so cold that it was 
impossible for me to lace the shoes and leggings. I 
climbed into the engine and took a good long pull of 
ice water, sucked through a glass tube from a keg, and 
then related to the engineer the adventure at Rio Puerco. 

"Pretty tough, old man," he said, "we'll take you into 
Albuquerque if you care to ride." 

I did not for two good reasons. Primarily, I started 
to walk to I^ew York, and riding would not be walking. 

Then, again, since leaving Los Angeles, I had kept 
a daily stamped record, signed by the agent at each sta- 
tion on the Santa Fe, certifying that he saw me walk 
into and from his station. Any one following the re- 
cord closely would detect the flaw in the record — sixty- 
six miles being an almost impossible day's walk in the 
desert. 

After the Limited passed the journey was continued 
to Sandia, which was reached in the early morning. At 
eight A. M. the pedestrian was aroused by a "rapping, 
a gentle tapping at my chamber (a box-car) door." A 
member of a well-drilling crew did the rapping. I re- 
paired to the cook-car where a good meal was disposed 
of, and it tasted mighty good, for I hadn't eaten a morsel 
for twenty-six hours. 

On the afternoon of May fifth, walked into Albu- 
querque, and one of the first people I laid eyes on was 
"Chicago", the boy who attended the bargain sale in 
Los Angeles. He had received a postal dated April 



64 The Arizona Limited 

twenty-second from Flagstaff, which told him I was up 
with mv schedule. He had stopped off that morning, 
on his way to the ""Windy City," expressly to see me. 

Called at the office of the Albuquerque Morning Jour- 
nal and quote in part from their write-up : 

"Michael Garber Harman, who is on his way across 
the continent from San Francisco to Xew York on foot, 
is in the city and will remain for a few days. 

""He made the trip to this point from Los Angeles 
in thirty-four days, which is a most remarkable feat of 
pedestrianism when one considers that he is a tall, 
slightly-built Virginian who has previously confined 
himself to the practice of law and newspaper work.'' 

Called upon the superintendent of the Albuquerque 
division of the Santa Fe. 

"Mr. Harman," he said. ""I want to congratulate you 
on reaching Albuquerque in safety. I expected every 
day to hear of your being knocked on the head and 
killed. The whole road is lined with desperate charac- 
ters, owing to the recent strike troubles." 

"You don't mean to say, Mr. Shepherd, that you 
knew where I was each day of the journey T' I replied. 

"Most assuredly. Every agent was instructed to re- 
port to me not only your arrival, but also your depar- 
ture. A railroad superintendent should keep posted 
about every one on the right of way.'' 

My idea was to get a letter from him which would 
insure me a more cordial reception from the deputy 
sheriffs than that received at Rio Puerco. However, 
he declined, giving as his reason that neither he per- 



The Arizona Limited 65 

sonally nor the road eared to encourage a journey 
fraught with so many dangers. 

During my stay in Albuquerque I was the guest of 
the Alvarado hotel, which is by far the most impressive 
structure in the city. The building is three hundred 
feet long, and of the Spanish Mission style of architec- 
ture. In the curio room is to be seen the finest collec- 
tion of Indian relies and products in the West. 

May ninth, when walking into Los Cerrillos, X. M., 
I was greeted by a man that I had formerly met in 
Azusa. Cal. Tim and I held a conference with the fol- 
lowing results: 

"That an outfit, to be known as the Arizona Limited 
Express, be organized ; the same to be taken through to 
the World's Fair, and from thence to Xew York ; that 
only jackasses be connected with the said Arizona Lim- 
ited Express in any capacity; that Tim attend to the 
mechanical engineering department ; and the pedestrian 
assume the onerous responsibilities of conductor, grafter, 
and 'chief cook and bottle washer.' " 

The assets of the Arizona Limited consisted of one 
dollar and twenty-three cents and a few carpenter's 
tools owned by the aforesaid Tim. Xo better place 
could have been found to fit out an expedition of this 
kind. Los Cerrillos was once a very prosperous town, 
the center of an active mining district, but owing to a 
strike, which had extended over a period of several 
years, it was almost deserted. Jrnik of every descrip- 
tion was scattered over the town. 

In a reconnoissance I found a fairly good pair of 
wheels on an axle, the remains of a spring wagon. They 



66 The Arizona Limited 

were appropriated to form the nucleus. Then the pole 
was dug up, trimmed and fitted to the axle. We made 
a good set of whiffletrees from shovel handles which we 
wired together and to the axle. Goods boxes furnished 
ample material for the cart's body. 

The next thing, and a very important one, was the 
motive power for the prairie schooner. A man gave 
me a spotted burro (called pinta in New Mexico) pro- 
vided he could be found. 

We searched very diligently for our burro over the 
adjoining hills for several hours, but the pinta must 
have received a Marconi, for it was entirely in vain. 
However a local physician swapped us a brown jinny 
for two carpenters' planes, and a saw was traded a Mex- 
ican for a mouse-colored burro. We were next stared 
in the face with the harness proposition. A large roll 
of old rubber belting was discovered at the mill, from 
which, with the aid of straps, buckles, et cetera, picked 
up here and there, two sets of breast-strap harness were 
made, which we padded with sheepskin. The bits of the 
bridles were of twisted wire; the blinds, of the uppers 
of old shoes ; and clothesline rope served us for checks. 

From her contrary disposition and because her smash- 
ing propensities were so beautifully developed, the 
brown j inny was dubbed Carrie Nation ; the mouse-col- 
ored jack received the appellation Mark Twain, named 
for a particular friend of mine. 

San Francisco, 1,422 miles — 2,288 miles New York. 



The Arizona Limited 67 



CHAPTER VIII. 

THE DEPARTURE FROM LOS CERRILLOS. 

Apache Cauon in the Glorieta Mountains — Stranded in the Desert 
at Blanchard — The Triangular Express — Surprised in An- 
other Quarter by Carrie and Mark — Las Vegas — Teddy 
Roosevelt Joins the Limited — The Camp at the "Lake" — A 
Visitation From the Stork — Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts 
— The Plot Thickens — Grover Cleveland and Joan of Arc 
Added to the Cast. 

A goodly portion of the town's inhabitants congre- 
gated to see us make the start, and kindly remembered 
to bring some useful articles along. For sometime we 
were kept busy storing away knives, forks, a pan, kettle, 
meat, coffee, sugar and various other necessities. One 
of the residents had a hotel that wasn't working, and 
his donation was two army blankets and a quilt. One 
young man brought a star-spangled banner. With the 
same floating to the breeze, and amid the cheers and 
best wishes of those kind, hospitable westerners, the 
prairie schooner weighed anchor and sailed out of the 
harbor of Cerrillos on its long and adventurous cruise 
to IsTew York City. 

In the afternoon of May 13th we traveled in the 
Glorieta mountains and words are inadequate to ex- 
press the wretchedness of the road. It was fearfully 
rocky and some of the ascents were almost perpendicu- 
lar, requiring the combined efforts of all the members 
of the Limited to get the schooner to the top. The 



68 The Arizona Limited 

camp was made in Apache canon, a beautiful spot near 
a well, where we had an abundance of firewood and 
good water. 

During the night we were surrounded by a pack of 
coyotes which rendered the night hideous with their 
infernal cries. They were very bold, and on several 
occasions came within ten feet of our bed. 

We passed Pecos, four miles from which are situ- 
ated the ruins of the ancient Aztec city where Monte- 
zuma is said to have been born. Sunday afternoon. 
May fifteenth, we came to a small town called Ribera, 
situated in a fertile valley. 

We filled our water vessels, as we contemplated camp- 
ing at Blanchard where there was no water. It was 
only a side-track for the Sante Fe. The camp was 
pitched in a cluster of scrub pines (a cheerful one it 
was) with a big blazing camp fire and Tim and me 
lolling around on the blankets; we smoked our pipes 
and dreamed dreams of the future, with no premoni- 
tion of the catastrophe that was hovering over us. 

The next morning, while I was cooking breakfast, 
Tim came rushing into camp bearing the fearful tid- 
ings that: 

AT THE DEAD HOUR OF NIGHT AND UN- 
DER THE COVER OF DARKNESS CARRIE 
NATION HAD ELOPED WITH MARK TWAIN! ! 

We were in quite a predicament; camped six miles 
from water, very little food on hand and with less than 
a dollar in the exchequer, and our motive power gone 
off on a lark. Both Tim and I were of the opinion 



The Arizona Limited 69 

that Mark Twain would never have dreamt of leaving 
his kind masters had he not been seduced by Carrie 
Illation. Tim started for Ribera, thinking that they 
had probably taken the back track to water, while I 
scoured the adjoining woods in search of the recreants. 
My search was in vain, and upon returning to camp I 
observed the westbound California Limited pull 
into the siding to let the eastbound pass. Three 
gentlemen and a lady, who were standing on the plat- 
form of the observatory car, were astonished to see a 
tall apparition in an outlandish costume emerge from 
a cluster of pines, carrying a tin pail in one hand and 
a coffee pot in the other, and charge the train on a 
dead run. However a few words sufficed to explain to 
the California Limited the unlucky situation of the 
Arizona Limited. One of the gentlemen had the porter 
fill both vessels with fresh water. Then the said ap- 
parition produced several souvenirs, which he disposed 
of for two bits each. 

Tim returned to camp late in the afternoon with no 
tidings of the straying burros. The country was in- 
habited by Mexicans whose reply to every inquiry was, 
"no savvy." This made the search doubly hard. Not 
until noon the next day were Carrie and Mark found, 
grazing on the banks of the river nine miles from camp. 

When preparing to break camp at Blanchard a 
strange cavalcade arrived there. In the van was a cov- 
ered wagon driven by a woman, and to it was hooked 
an aged pair of white mules; strung out behind the 
wagon for a hundred yards were fourteen specimens of 



5. 



70 The Arizona Limited 

horseflesh — the poorest I ever saw. A man and woman 
on horseback formed the rear guard. The man said : 

'^My wife, sister-in-law and myself have been on the 
road for two years. When Henry county, Missouri, is 
reached this summer our travels will have constituted 
a complete triangle, the three sides of which, from Mis- 
souri to Seattle — from the latter point to Los Angeles 
— and from the last-named city to Missouri, equal an 
aggregate of more than six thousand miles." 

"I trade horses," he continued, "and my wife and 
sister-in-law make wire jewelry which they dispose of 
in the small towns en 7'oute." 

We very gladly abandoned Blanchard to the Trian- 
gular Express, pushed on to within eight miles of Las 
Vegas, and camped near the Mexican settlement called 
Ticolote. Before retiring to the luxurious couch of 
pine boughs, I carefully set the breakfast under a 
nearby pine tree. At daybreak my slumbers were dis- 
turbed by a noise in close proximity, and on peeping 
over the blanket what do you suppose was the tableau 
presented- to view? Mark Twain was playing roly-poly 
with a can of syrup in his endeavor to master the 
combination to the top ; Carrie Nation, the old bat, was 
standing with both front feet on my sombrero and chew- 
ing the dish rag. They had eaten the oatmeal, box and 
all, the loaf of bread, mouthed the meat, and turned 
over the coffee pot. The consequences were that the 
trip into Las Vegas was made on empty stomachs, but 
the conductor and engineer found consolation in an 
excellent meal upon their arrival. 



The Arizona Limited 71 

A livervman kindly took care of the team for us 
during our stay, and we occupied the hay-mow. In the 
evening we ate dinner at the Plaza, and the following 
morning lined up at the festive board of the Castaneda. 
The breakfast was a dandy. For mortals following the 
ordinary vocations of life to have consumed the food 
would have been an impossibility. The menu consisted 
of oatmeal and cream, cornbeef hash and two poached 
eggs, a sirloin steak, frog legs on toast, buckwheat cakes, 
and a pot of coffee. 

Tim, against the advice of every one consulted, traded 
our wheels for a lighter set ; I was at the time skeptical 
about their being able to stand the wear and tear of the 
rough western roads. 

The Limited reached Watrus, X. M., May twentieth, 
and you can imagine our surprise at finding the Trian- 
gular Express encamped at the stream just east of the 
town. We had intended stopping only for luncheon, but 
six burros were seen grazing along the east bank of the 
stream. 

"Tim," said I, "don't you think that handsome drab- 
colored burro would make a good leader for Carrie and 
Mark?" 

''Splendid," was the reply. 

Grabbing a rope and followed by Tim and the boss 
of the Triangular, who assisted me in cornering the 
bunch, I succeeded in lassoing the jack. Then the fun 
began. He was a magnificent specimen of the burro 
about three years old, and evidently had never been 
handled before. 'Round and 'round he went kicking 



Y2 The Arizona Limited 

up his heels and braying, with Tim and me both swing- 
ing on for dear life. Finally we managed to get him 
to a tree where he was tied securely. He was such a 
strenuous bit of mule flesh that he was named Teddy 
Roosevelt. The remainder of the day was spent in 
manufacturing for the latest acquisition a new set of 
harness. During the afternoon two boys visited the 
camp and one of them claimed Teddy as his property, 
alleging that he was a present to him from his uncle but 
as the burro was so wild he had turned him loose in 
the desert. 

Everyone was very busy all the afternoon. Goheim 
had traded four of his old plugs for a sorrel stallion 
that had never had a strap on him, and he was engaged 
in making a contrivance with which to tether him ; Tim 
worked all the afternoon on Teddy's harness ; the ladies 
were making wire jewelry; and I was making goo-goo 
eyes at the sister-in-law. 

We attempted a short cut to Raton which resulted 
very disastrously. After wandering over the plains of 
New Mexico for the greater part of three days we 
arrived much to our chagrin in Wagon Mound, the 
point we intended avoiding. We had driven forty 
miles to accomplish twenty-five, the distance by the 
regular trail. The journey, however, was not without 
incidents, some of them anything but pleasant. Satur- 
day, May twenty-first, the Limited broke camp and 
started for Springer, via Old Fort Union, an abandoned 
army post, where we arrived at noon. 

Soon after leaving the fort our troubles began ; 
every few miles the road would fork and it was an 



The Arizona Limited 73 

impossibility for a stranger to determine the correct 
route; we could only guess and as luck would have it, 
in one instance we guessed wrong. After travelling 
several miles on the wrong trail a native directed us to 
the lake where we were to camp. I hurried on ahead of 
the schooner, for an electric storm was brewing; some- 
thing unusual for Kew Mexico. Made the "beautiful 
lake" just as the shades of night were falling, and was 
disgusted to find a muddy, stagnant pool of water, with 
a dead cow standing in the middle of it. The poor 
brute had evidently stuck in the mud when she went in 
to drink, and being unable to extricate herself had died 
in her tracks. As the brink was reached a flock of wild 
ducks arose with a squawk and disappeared in the 
gathering darkness. Then a silence and gloom settled 
over that desolate spot, the most desolate I had ever 
seen, occasionally broken by the distant roll of thunder 
and flashes of lightning. I was rudely awakened to 
our serious predicament by a few drops of rain; we 
hadn't anticipated it and were caught thoroughly un- 
prepared. Found two 'dobe walls standing on the bank 
of the pool, and in the angle I decided to camp, for I 
knew they would afford us some protection from the 
wind and rain. 

Some wood was hurriedly gathered and when Tim 
arrived a bright camp fire was burning. While he un- 
hitched the burros and hobbled them I put some chip- 
ped beef and coffee on the fire for supper. Just before 
the chipped beef and flour gravy was done Tim, while 
driving a stake in the 'dobe wall, over which he intended 
spreading some canvas to afford protection from the 



74 The Arizona Limited 

rain, dislodged a lump of 'dobe the size of a man's fist, 
and splash ! it fell into the skillet. All -we had for sup- 
per was coffee and some stale bread. 

The entire outfit, horse, foot and dragoons, could 
have been purchased for fifteen cents that night. I 
seriously doubt if there were two more wretched mor- 
tals in the whole world. For seven long hours the 
travellers sat huddled together wrapped in two army 
blankets, tired, hungry, cold and so drenched that the 
water was running do^\ii their spinal columns in con- 
tinuous rivulets. The rain ceased in the early morn- 
ing and we rolled up in our wet blankets and slept 
soundly until daylight. 

While I prepared breakfast Tim went in search of 
the burros. He returned shortly, carrying in his arms 
a queer little long-eared brute, closely followed by 
Carrie Nation, the proud mother. He was the cutest 
little devil you ever saw; a jack, broAAii like his mother 
and with a snow-white belly. The youngster was, of 
course, the centre of attraction, and when Teddy in a 
very gentlemanly manner went up to look him over and 
offer Carrie hearty congratulations, the old hag re- 
sponded with a resounding whack in his short ribs. He 
was given the euphonious appellation of Epamiuondas- 
Alcibiades-Pytts. 

Had we been in a good camping place the whole day 
would have been spent in rest, but we made a short 
move in the afternoon. 

We hauled the baby in the wagon and Carrie fol- 
lowed along behind. The day following the advent of 



The Arizona Limited 75 

Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts we met a rancher who 
invited ns to dinner, and afterwards accompanied us in 
search of another burro. We shanghaied a jinny, about 
the size and color of Teddy, with a beautiful little jinny 
colt by her side, possibly a week old ; she was a beauty, 
nearly white with black trimmings. The mother was 
named Grover Cleveland — old Grover always was right 
much of an old wonum — and the colt was called Joan of 
Arc. 

In a couple of hours we had the extra set of harness 
made, and we hooked up the four — the two old dames 
Carrie and Grover at the wheels and, in the lead, Teddy 
and Mark. The time we had getting them started! 
Grover was continually braying for Joan of Arc and 
Carrie wanted to go by the shortest route to her baby 
Epaminondas who was jumping about the prairie like 
a jack rabbit, having just found out what his legs were 
for, and the leaders several times became entangled in 
the whiffletrees. However, we finally got the team 
strung out and headed for Wagon Mound which we 
reached late in the afternoon. 

San Francisco, 1,5C9 miles — 2,141 miles ]!^ew York. 



76 The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTER IX. 

THE NEW BOSS OF THE LIMITED. 

The Trail Lost Again — Through Raton Pass — An Encounter With 
a Bear — The Photographs of the Limited — Encounter the 
Triangular Express for the Last Time — The Bloom Cattle 
Company's Ranch — A Serious Predicament — 'Twas Solomon 
Who Said, "Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child" — La Junta. 

May twenty-fourth, we travelled to Springer, a dis- 
tance of twenty-three miles; considering that the team 
was practically nnbroken and the age of the babies, we 
did splendidly. Do you want to know who was the real 
boss of the Limited ? Why the baby, of course, Epa- 
minondas-Alcibiades-Pytts. 

He was just like any other baby, his every whim had 
to be humored. On becoming leg weary he refused to 
travel ; the schooner would be halted, a nice couch con- 
structed out of blankets and comforts, and the young 
gentleman laid veiy gently thereon, where he'd rest 
calmly and snooze peacefully — just like any other baby. 
The journey was resumed very carefully, and all the 
large stones and ruts were avoided in order not to dis- 
turb the slumbers of the young autocrat, until — presto 
change ! Stop ! hold on ! — put on the brakes — whoa ! 
the conductor would yell, all the time a frantic struggle 
going on between him and the youthful Epaminondas. 

"What's the matter ?" the engineer would ask, at the 
same time putting on the emergency brake and coming 
to a sudden halt. 



The Arizona Limited YY 

"Epaminondas wants his dinner; that's all," would 
be the reply. 

There you are again; he's just like any other baby. 
When he wants his dinner he wants it because he wants 
it, and if it isn't given him forthwith and immediately 
if not sooner the very old Harry is to pay. 

The conductor at this time felt the heavy responsi- 
bility laid upon him, and he hoped he'd prove worthy 
of the great trust, and that Epaminondas-Alcibiades- 
Pytts would grow up to be a true jackass in every sense 
of the word ; a credit to his guardian and instructor, 
and a comfort to his mother Carrie. Selah. 

On leaving Springer we very foolishly chose the 
wrong road which was not ascertained until several 
miles had been traversed. We endeavored to regain 
the main trail by cutting across country, which only 
made bad matters worse, for we never recovered the 
trail until we reached Raton. Several times our pas- 
sage was barred by barb-wire fences, but fortunately 
we had a pair of wire pliers ; we simply cut the fences 
and after passing through repaired them. 

The "Raton Range" commented on the Limited's 
visit as follows : 

"Michael Garber Harman, a gentleman who grew 
weary of the limited exercise afforded by a walk round 
the corner to his meals, or of walking under shelter 
when it rained, decided to take a hike across the conti- 
nent for a change. So he left San Francisco with a 
three-cent piece, an extra collar and a cheerful counten- 
ance; he arrived in Raton with the same shirt and the 



78 The Arizona Limited 

■h, 'Z 

same cheerful countenance, but the three-cent piece 
went to buy calves' liver one day when he felt like eat- 
ing something. On his journey he now and then 'ac- 
quired' a biirro, until when he reached Raton he had 
four of the long-eared species attached to a cart." 

As the desert was left behind after we passed into 
Colorado, I quote what Mr. Chas. F. Lummis, an 
authority, says of it : 

"As I have more than once written (and it never yet 
has been controverted), probably no other equal area 
on earth contains so many supreme marvels of so many 
kinds — so many astounding sights, so many master- 
pieces of i^ature's handiwork, so vast and conclusive an 
encyclopaxlia of the world-building processes, such im- 
pressive monuments of prehistoric man, so many tri- 
umphs of man still in the tribal relation — as what I 
have called the Southwestern Wonderland. This in- 
cludes a large part of j^ew Mexico and Arizona, the 
area which geographically and ethnographically we may 
count as the Grand Caiion region." 

May twenty-eighth the journey was through the Raton 
mountains, a spur of the Rockies. The scenery in the 
pass was wild, rugged and very beautiful and the trip 
proved thoroughly enjoyable. It was to be a long time 
ere we encountered another range of mountains. The 
next to be travelled were in far off Pennsylvania — the 
Alleghanies. We halted at Dick Wooton's abandoned 
house near the summit long enough to explore it. Here, 
for years, that veteran collected toll from every schooner, 
stage and cavalcade bound for the West. 



The Arizona Limited 79 

In the afternoon, when nearing the Colorado line, I 
had walked some distance ahead of the team and on 
rounding a sharp curve came suddenly upon a bear. 
He was just in the act of crossing the trail when he 
espied the pedestrian. ]^ow if I was a mighty hunter 
like our honored President, the only T. R., I'd write : 

''When bruin observed me he arose on his hind 
quarters, and with a mighty growl, rushed to the en- 
counter. I coolly and calmly awaited the assault. 
When sufficiently close for me to feel the bear's hot 
breath fan my cheek, I raised my deadly rifle, glanced 
down the glittering barrel, took unerring aim at his 
bloodshot eye and fired. Bruin fell pierced through 
the brain. 

"Then I boldly walked up, placed the stock of my 
rifle on the ground, grasped the barrel firmly with the 
right hand, and with the left foot on the carcass, ad- 
justed my eye-glasses, grinned and rang for the pho- 
tographer." 

Or if a Nature Faker it would be about like this : 

''With a terrible roar (both roaring) we rushed to 
the fearful encounter ; after a sanguinary conflict last- 
ing thirty minutes (taking out for the intermission 
when one or the other called 'time'), I managed to 
break the bear's strangle holt and, getting my famous 
tail grip, dashed his brains out against an adjoining 
tree. Though my clothes were torn to tatters, my flesh 
clawed to ribbons and I bleeding from every pora, I 
cut his throat, skinned him, cut off a piece of his meat, 
and had fresh bear steak for supper." 



80 The Arizona Limited 

But as a matter of fact, I ran like the devil and so 
did the bear. I venture to say that neither the famous 
hunter nor the Nature Faker could have distinguished 
himself more in making tracks than did we, the bear 
and myself. 

We were both bent on putting as much daylight as 
possible between us, and in the shortest time. 

May twenty-ninth, Trinidad, Colorado, was made 
and the camp was pitched in a beautiful grove of trees, 
bounded on one side by a stream. Having saved a few 
dollars, I had a photographer take some pictures of the 
Limited. One represents the whole outfit, all looking 
their sweetest and best; the calm, dignified demeanor 
of Grover Cleveland was very marked, and the solici- 
tude of the young mother, Carrie Nation, was really 
touching to a degree. This picture was traded or 
sold as: 

A RARE COLLECTION OF ASSES. 

In the other I was the central figure; on my knees, 
with one arm encircling Epaminondas-Alcibiades- 
Pytts and Joan of Arc with the other. This picture 
was called: three jacks. 

East of Trinidad the Limited encountered the Trian- 
gular Express again. Ever since the first meeting at 
Blanchard there was quite a rivalry existing as to the 
relative speed merits of the two expresses. The ques- 
tion had been debated more than once around the camp 
fire. When the Triangular forged ahead, Goheim, 
shaking me by the hand, would say: 



The Arizona Limited 81 

''It's good-bye, this time, for sure; it is too much to 
expect those little jack rabbits of yours to keep pace 
with my horses." 

Whenever the Limited repassed them, Tim and I 
were always particular to bid all the members a final 
adieu. 

"Your horses can travel faster than the burros," I 
would say, "but you are obliged to stop and rest your 
animals, while we travel seven days a week." 

When they met again the leader always had some 
hard luck story to tell, which accounted for his slow 
progress. 

Epaminondas refused to ride after he reached the 
age of four days, and Joan of Arc always scorned the 
schooner as a means of transportation. 

At Thatcher we camped on the Bloom Cattle Com- 
pany's ranch, which is one of the largest in the West. 
We arose at the break of day, and ate breakfast with 
thirty-five cowboys around an immense camp-fire. We 
had steak, liver and bacon, coffee, and bread baked in 
a Dutch oven. The cowboys had been engaged in round- 
ing up several thousand head of wild horses. They 
brand the colts, catch what saddlers they want, and 
turn the remainder loose on the range. Each cowboy 
requires five saddlers. The company had on their 
range fourteen thousand head of cattle and two thou- 
sand horses. 

The expected happened four miles from the station 
called Bloom, while travelling a hillside road which 
had been badly washed by recent rains. Our left wheel 



82 The Arizona Limited 

on the schooner went down. Tim made a trip to the 
woods and cut eight cedar saplings which were used to 
brace the wheel on each side of the hub. 

''Now," said Tim, "the wheel is stronger than when 
it came from the factory." 

I had my serious doubts about it, however, and said 
nothing. They held for just one mile when down it 
went again; for keeps this time — the spokes having 
broken oif in the hub. 

"Tim," said I, "we are in a bad predicament. If 
no wheels can be procured in Bloom, I'll return to 
Trinidad and have Goheim bring a pair out with him." 

In about ten minutes I returned to the schooner with 
a buggy wheel under each arm. If the angel Gabriel 
had descended and, placing one foot firmly upon 
the water and the other on the land, had sounded those 
clarion notes calling forth sinners to repentance, the 
surprise on Tim's face couldn't have been greater or 
more ludicrous. 'Twas truly remarkable that within a 
hundred yards of the breakdown an old buggy had been 
found which had been demolished in a runaway, and 
the rear wheels the only parts any good. They 
were tried on our axles and wouldn't fit. What next ? 
It is all very simple if you know how. A surgical 
operation was performed on all four wheels, the boxings 
of the old ones were inserted in the ones we had found 
and, after bracing them on each side with the saplings, 
the Limited resumed the even tenor of its way. 

We were now travelling in a beautiful farming coun- 
try, rendered so by irrigation. What a treat it was to 



The Arizona Limited 83 

travel again in a country alive with Nature, after so 
many hundreds of miles over the wastes of the Great 
American Desert ! 

Epaminondas-Alcibaides-Pytts inherited at least one 
of the objectionable qualities of his eccentric mother, 
Carrie Kation. 

I mean the contrariness, do-as-I-want-or-not-at-all 
attribute, which the old hag had developed so remark- 
ably. Joan of Arc, Epaminondas and myself walked 
immediately behind the schooner, forming a sort of 
rear guard as it were. In case any pots, pans or kettles, 
or any of the miscellaneous articles with which the said 
schooner abounded, were jarred loose while she sallied 
joyously over the bounding prairie, we would be Johnny 
on the spot to pick them up. ITow Joan of Arc, like the 
little lady she was, no matter how tired, trotted by my 
side contentedly; but not so the juvenile Master Pytts, 
who had grown very worldly-wise in his twelve days on 
terra firma. 

"What's the use," he soliloquized, "in my piking 
directly behind that crazy rig all day, and having that 
long-tall gazabo punch me in the short ribs whenever 
he feels like it, and with that little stuck up thing, Joan, 
too? She told me that her mother (Grover Cleveland) 
told her not to get too intimate with me because my 
mother wasn't nice, but was a masher or smasher I for- 
get which. Besides when a choice bit of thistle is seen 
growing on the roadside, I can try my new teeth 
thereon. What's the odds, Bill, anyway?" 



84 The Ai'izona Limited 

It all happened by my catching Master Pytts star 
gazing, one day, fifty yards in the rear of the schooner. 
Upon my hallooing for him to come on he deliberately 
planted himself firmly in the center of the highway, 
lopped his ears in a most insolent manner and refused 
to budge, as much as to say: 

"Fll come when I get d good and ready." 

We continued for several hundred yards thinking 
he'd follow, but on looking back found he hadn't 
changed his position. 

The Limited was halted and the pedestrian was ap- 
pointed a committee of one to return and persuade the 
young Master Pytts to rejoin us. When I arrived 
within fifty yards of him he started back to New 
Mexico. 

"All right," his movement indicated, "I'll cut loose 
from this bunch of bums and shift for myself. To the 
land of my birth will I go, where society is not so 
exclusive nor masters so exacting." 

However, with the kind assistance of some people 
who helped me corner the young rascal, his bright and 
ingenious scheme was nipped in the bud. I forthwith 
proceeded to make preparations to persuade our young 
friend to return to his first love. A halter was made 
from some tar rope, and slipped over his head; then 
four long, tough and keen switches were cut from a 
neighboring tree. 

Had a moving-picture apparatus and a phonograph 
both been in operation while the persuading process was 
being enacted, my future, that is financially, would 



The Arizona Limited 85 

have been assured. Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts 
was a very busy little jackass for a few minutes. Very 
busy, indeed ; in fact he performed pjodigies. He 
broke the half-mile record for the ass, he invented 
divers plunges, leaps and jumps hitherto unknown to 
the species, and as for music, he emitted every note 
knowa to the "Tennessee Mocking Bird" from high C 
down to "Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep." 

June fourth we arrived in La Junta and immediately 
plunged into the gayeties of a street fair which was in 
progress there. 

We did quite a nice business selling our photographs. 

San Francisco, 1,754 miles — 1,956 miles New York. 



86 The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTER X. 

CONTRIBUTIONS FROM THE YOUTHFUL NATIVES. 

The Strenuous Life « la T. Roosevelt, Esq. — Caught in a 
Storm — Over the Kansas Line — Joan Hearkens to the Young 
Scamp and Philosopher Epaminondas — Goodbye to the 
Prairie Dogs — Ignorance Displayed by the Residents Con- 
cerning the Roads — The Limited Suffers a Deep Bereave- 
ment — A Narrow Escape — Raided by Stranded Harvesters — 
Hutchinson. 

Sunday, June fourth, the camp was made near Las 
Animas. While Tim was unhitching the burros and 
I unpacking the cooking utensils and dishes, a bunch 
of boys from the neighborhood arrived at the camp and 
were greatly interested in the burros, especially the 
young ones. 

"Now, Clarence," said I, singling out a youngster 
and putting a tin pail in his hand, "go and tell mamma 
that there are two real nice men camped on the roadside 
who would like some milk — fresh-from-the-cow pre- 
ferred — for their coffee and oatmeal." 

"And you, Eeginald, see if mother hasn't a few 
fresh eggs she can spare in the glass bowl on the cup- 
board ; and Percy," I continued, addressing another 
hopeful, "take a scout around the pantry and bring any 
choice morsel that may grow stale if not consumed be- 
fore morning — anything, Percy, like pies, cakes or 
tarts will be most acceptable." 



The Arizona Limited 87 

"As for the rest of you boys, two can bring some 
water, and the remainder wood for the camp-fire. Then 
you'll have the entire evening to admire Epaminondas 
and Joan." 

Shortly Clarence arrived with some milk, Reginald 
with eight eggs, and Percy brought an apple pie almost 
as large as his diminutive self. Out of such raw ma- 
terial a most palatable supper was concocted of eggs 
scrambled in new milk, bread, coffee and the pie for 
dessert. During the evening a number of the relatives 
of our juvenile friends came to the camp, to view the 
wonderful aggregation of asses from the far West. 

The next morning I awoke with a severe attack of 
lumbago, contracted from sleeping on the damp ground 
which, coupled with the sore Achilles tendon in the left 
heel, almost had the walker incapacitated; however, I 
managed to limp along, with the aid of a cane, twenty- 
two miles to the Dudley ranch. 

If the strenuous life, as advocated by the Honorable 
T. Roosevelt, Esq., has for its foundation stone the 
word "action" — something doing every minute — then 
we were certainly the leading exponents of it in those 
days. I am going to particularize on one day's journey 
of nineteen miles, which will give a fair idea of the im- 
mense amount of work this going to housekeeping and 
breaking up every day entailed. It's astonishing. 

6:30 P. M. The Limited arrived at the Dudley 
ranch. 

To 7 P. M. Tim unhitched, hobbled and fed the 
burros, while I unpacked the cooking utensils, dishes 
and provisions and went to the well for water. 



SS Tlie Arizona Limited 

To S P. AI. We gathered the -wood, made the lire, 
washed the dishes and cooked supper. 

To S.30 P. M. The supper was disposed of. 
To 9 P. M. The dishes were again washed and everv 
thing stored carefully for the night. 

To 9.15 P. M. The bed was made on the ground 
alongside the schooner. 

9.30 P. M. Taps. 

4.30 A. M. Reveille (a duet by Mrs. Xation and 
Grover Cleveland). 

To 5 A. M. Cooking utensils and dishes again un- 
packed and fire made. 

To 6.30 A. M. Breakfast cooked — eaten — dishes re- 
washed and schooner packed. 

To T A. M. Team hitched up. 

7.15 A. M. Camp broke. 

To 11.30 A. M. Ten miles accomplished. The 
burros unhitched, harness removed, and each given 
a quart of oats. A fire lighted, coffee made for iim- 
cheon, dishes again washed and re-packed. 

'2 P. M. The journey resumed. 

6 P. M. Made camp two miles east of Lamar. 

A right strenuous program for twenty-four hours 
per day and seven days per week. 

Jime ninth we travelled to Holly where we made 
ourselves perfectly at home in au empty Santa Fe box- 
car on the siding near the station. The railroad like- 
wise figured in the entertainment of the burros, for they 
occupied one of the company's bull pens. 

Eight miles east of Holly we came to a stream which 
above the ford widens iuto quite a body of water. Into 



The Arizojia Limited 89 

the very center of it did Epaminondas lead Joan of Arc, 
where they halted. 

"^STow. Joan, we'll make those bnms wade in after 
us," said Master Pytts in the burro dialect, "for it's per- 
fectly outrageous at our tender age to be compelled to 
walk every day. Why the day I was bom they threw 
me into the schooner and hauled and jostled me alx>ut 
until my poor mother Carrie Xation was distracted with 
grief. And ere you. Joan, were five days old the skates 
shanghaied K>th you and yotir mother, and none of us 
will ever see dear old Xew Mexico again." 

We hallooed, coaxed and threw stones, but the little 
asses refused to budge. 

Epaminondas continued. "See the long, tall one in the 
long, tall hat throw stones. Joan — how cleverly I dodged 
that one — and isn't he mad though { Look at the other 
one swear and fume ; it's better than a play. Xow the 
tall one is wading in after us and see the water come up 
arcnmd his knees. Oh I Joan, he has that blacksnake 
whip, too — don't let him get within striking distance 
darling, or we'll be murdered. Xever, if I live to be a 
thousand, will that lambasting he gave me in Colorado 
be forgotten." 

The Limited reached Svracuse, Kansas, at stmdown 
on the seventeenth of Jime, and. as usual, quite a 
crowd collected. 

The proprietor of a hotel, with a long spinach on his 
chin, inqtiired : 

'•Have you b<^ys had supper T' 

"Xo,** I answered. 



90 The Arizona Limited 

"Take the burros 'round to tho stable and come to the 
hotel," he replied, ''for you two are about the biggest 
pair of fools that ever passed through Syracuse, and I 
want the honor of entertaining you during your stay." 

We had seen the last of the prairie dogs. For hun- 
dreds and hundreds of miles these little fellows had 
furnished diversion for me. On arriving at the out- 
skirts of a dog town the marshal (there is always one or 
more on guard), sitting on the rim of his dwelling, regis- 
tered his most emphatic disapproval of the invasion of 
the sacred preciucts of the city by a vigorous barking. 
When within about fifty yards of the marshal he would 
disappear, and the last glimpse of Mr. Prairie Dog, as 
he disappeared down his hole, showed a defiant shake 
of his bushy tail which said all too plainly, "Catch me 
if you can." However he doesn't stay down long, for in 
a few minutes he will bob up again, having made his 
way through one of their innumerable subterranean 
passages (the ground in a prairie dog town is a verit- 
able honeycomb) and continue his barking. 

The prairie dog is an extremely Avary animal. As he 
sits perched on the rim of his hole he invariably tumbles 
into it when shot. I investigated the prevalent but 
erroneous impression that the prairie dog, owl, and rat- 
tlesnake occupy amicably the same apartment. 'Tis 
true that an owl is frequently seen sitting on the ground 
close to a prairie dog's hole, but it is an abandoned hole. 
It is also true that the rattlesnake is often seen in the 
vicinity of a dog town, but Mr. Rattlesnake is there for 
a purpose, and a deadly one too. On the menu a young 



The Arizona Limited 91 

prairie dog occupies the same relative position to the 
rattlesnake as does the diamond-back terrapin, the gem 
of the Chesapeake, to the Metropolitan clubman. On 
the approach of their deadly enemy Mr. and Mrs. Prai- 
rie Dog skiddoo, leaving the children to be devoured 
by the reptile. Should Mr. Rattlesnake, however, after 
the custom of snakes, take his after-dinner siesta, the 
chances are he will have paid dearly for his meal. The 
bereaved relatives and friends of the young dogs, know- 
ing this weakness of the reptile, set to work energetically 
to close every avenue of escape, and Mr. Rattlesnake 
awakes to find himself entombed alive and rattles his 
life away in impotent rage. 

One night, near Garden City, our bed was made 
under a big tree in the yard adjoining a ranch house. 
We were awakened in the night by a terrible wind and 
rain storm. The rain came down in torrents and be- 
fore we could dress everything was soaking wet. By 
the aid of the almost continuous flashes of lightning we 
gained the shelter of the barn, where in the hay-mow, 
and wrapped in the wet blankets, the remainder of the 
night was passed. 

June fourteenth, while travelling eastward by what 
was known as the prairie road, unluckily for us we met 
a cowboy who said there was no water to be had for 
fifteen miles and that we should take the trail via 
Pierceville. Imagine our dismay on reaching the town 
to ascertain that the cow puncher was m-istaken about 
the scarcity of Hg O on the prairie road, and that we had 
travelled six miles further than was necessary. A 



92 The Arizona Limited 

cheering bit of news which had a tendency to sweeten 
the disposition of two of the members, at least, I don't 
think. 

Really it was appalling, the ignorance the people dis- 
played about the roads of their own community. One 
can readily understand how a man living in Kansas 
wouldn't know or be expected to know anything about 
the roads in Maine, but he should certainly be able to 
direct you intelligently in his own county. 

Smith says go that way ; Jones this way ; Brown will 
tell you to go neither by Smith's nor Jones's route, but 
that his is the shortest and best. Smith will tell you 
there is heavy sand on Jones's road; Jones is positive 
that the schooner will go to pieces on Smith's rocky 
road; Jones and Smith will unite in condemning 
Brown's trail because of the hills. All three have lived 
in the county all their lives and travelled each of the 
roads not scores but hundred of times. There you are, 
make your choice; one is fine, the other two execrable. 
Is it any wonder that the Arizona Limited wandered 
around the prairies like the children of Israel in the 
wilderness ? 

On the trip to Howells we were again victimized by 
a rancher who misdirected us, and it was truly a tired 
aggregation that arrived there at ten o'clock P. M., 
especially the rear guard; I was still suffering a good 
deal with the sore ankle. We were too weary to cook 
any food, so, after feeding the burros, we munched at 
a loaf of bread and retired for the night. 



The Arizona Limited 93 

Saturday, June eighteenth, we reached Dodge City, 
Kansas, where the Limited remained for a day as there 
was some repairing to be done to the schooner. 

One morning near Mackville, Tim went in search of 
the burros and in a short time returned driving five 
ahead of him. 

^'Where's Mark Twain ?" I inquired. 

"I couldn't find him," answered Tim, ''he must have 
strayed further than the others, or possibly some one has 
stolen him," 

We were inclined to believe that the latter fate had 
befallen him as he was a kindly disposed brute and 
would allow anyone to do with him as he pleased ; pull 
his ears and tail or tickle his heels, having a disposi- 
tion essentially different from Teddy or Mrs. I^ation. 
It must have happened about like this. Mark, no 
doubt, tired of feeding on insipid bluegrass and white 
clover, thought he'd cross the railroad track and search 
for a choice morsel of thistle, when his attention was 
attracted in the distance to what appeared to him to 
be a full, large, red desert moon. 

Alas ! poor Mark. 

The mistake was fatal ; he mistook an on-rushing 

headlight of the engine for the moon. We found him 

where he fell, with his back broken. 

This was the noblest burro of them all. 

All the others, save only he, did that they did, in envy of each 

other ; 
He, only, in a general honest thought and common good to all, 

made one of them. 
His life was gentle and tlie cactus so mixed in him 
That Nature might stand up and say to all the world, 
This was an ASS! 



94 The Arizona Limited 

So it devolved upon the strenuous Teddy alone to 
lead the two old dames and their babies across the 
plains of the Sunflower state. 

One afternoon during a heavy rainstorm the Limited 
sought shelter under a tree. Situated at some little 
distance from us was a barn, and thinking it would 
afford better shelter Tim suggested that we go to it. 
However, I thought it better to remain with the team 
under the tree. Ten minutes later the barn was struck 
by lightning and entirely consumed. It certainly seems 
that we are guided by the kind hand of Providence in 
these matters, for repeatedly we had sought the shelter 
of barns in inclement weather and had never come to 
harm. 

Near Hutchinson one morning, while cooking break- 
fast, we were raided by a band of stranded harvesters. 
These men had been lured to the rural districts of 
Kansas by vivid newspaper articles which promised 
large returns for being Knights of the Pitchfork for a 
brief space. However, it had been raining daily and 
the poor fellows had neither work nor money. Fifteen 
of them, desperate with hunger, surrounded our camp ; 
and had I not once been, in my bright, brilliant and 
checkered career, a harvester myself, they'd have cleaned 
out the Limited, food, blankets, cooking utensils and 
all. No matter how low a man may fall there is gen- 
erally a sense of gratitude left for one who tries to 
help him. I didn't wait for the men either to ask for 
or say they'd take something to eat, but took the initia- 
tive and invited them to breakfast. The larder of the 



The Arizona Limited 95 

Limited was quite well supplied at the time, so I set 
the whole business before them and soon they had sev- 
eral camp-fires burning and were cooking bacon and 
eggs on tin and old shovels, and making coffee in tomato 
cans. 

San Francisco, 2,104 miles — 1,606 miles New York. 



96 The Arizona Limited 

CHAPTER XI. 

MUD— MUD— MUD— WE WERE IN A STATE OF MUD. 

A Credulous Rube — Newton — Repeated Breakdowns — A Night at 
"Clovercliff" — The Glorious Fourth — The Angel of Death 
Again Visits the Limited — Held Up in Quenimo by Higb 
Water — Tlie Pedestrian Leaves the Schooner for a Time — 
Old Friends in Shawnee — Kansas City — Albertus Babe Kel- 
ley a Back-Avoods Philosopher and Hermit — A Hot Appetizer. 

June twenty-eighth we arrived near Newton, Kan- 
sas, but how we got there is a muddy story, sure. For 
the week previous we were in mud and the mud in us ; 
the Limited fairly revelled in mud — slept in mud — 
walked in mud — and ate in mud. There was mud in 
the blankets — mud in the cart, and Tim and I were 
cakes of mud. 

We could no more avoid it than could the Egyptians 
escape from their plagues. What kind of mud was it ? 
Kansas mud ; the very stickiest, nastiest and blackest 
in the world, and why the State wasn't named mud I 
don't know. We met a man, who had mud in his head 
instead of brains. I^o ? A fact, nevertheless. While 
slushing through the rain one afternoon, we met Steve 
Peppercorn driving west in a buckboard. He was so 
astonished at seeing such an aggregation on the high- 
way, that he stopped and asked: 

"Where are you going, partner, with them little 
asses ?" 



The Arizona Limited 97 

"We are travelling," answered I, "overland to St. 
Petersburg, in Russia, from Japan." 

"Gosh!" exclaimed Steve, "that's furdern K. C. 
ain't it?" 

"Yes," I continued, "about five hundred times as 
far. You know these are among the rarest animals in 
the world — Japanese mules they are, from the private 
stud of the Emperor of Japan. We are taking them as 
a present to the Czar." 

"By Gosh!" ejaculated Steve. 

We left him standing in the road with his mouth 
agape, swallowing Kansas rain, and trying to assimi- 
late it all. Guess he'll be talking and telling his neigh- 
bors, "bout them Japanese mules what he saw," for the 
next decade. 

Since Mark Twain had taken his unexpected depart- 
ure for mule heaven we decided to replace the tongue 
in the schooner with a pair of shafts, and work the 
burros three abreast. Soon after we left Hutchinson 
we came to a grove of saplings opposite a farm. We 
pitched the camp, went into the woods and cut two 
saplings, and worked faithfully on the job the entire 
day, finishing at nightfall. 

One night was i)ass(Hl in a man's corncril) where we 
afforded the rats and mice quite a diversion, for they 
were running and hurdling us all night long. June 
twenty-ninth the Limited managed to cover seventeen 
miles in ten hours, camped near a farm house where, as 
usual, the couch was made in the hay loft. Supposed 
when New York was reached, from continuous habit, 



98 The Arizona Limited 

I'd seek out a livery stable instead of a hotel. On the 
road west of Florence the schooner sank in mud holes 
up to the axles three times. We sat on the roadside, 
patiently waiting for a team of horses to come along and 
extricate us. The burros are as game animals as ever 
looked through a collar, but because they are so diminu- 
tive, and possessed of such small feet, they'd sink right 
up to their bellies. We would unhitch them, one would 
grab the burro by the ears and the other catch him by 
the tail, and thus pull him out. 

At this stage of the journey a good deal of time was 
consumed in repairing breakdowns. The schooner and 
harness were not made to withstand the many hard pulls 
and jerks to which they were subjected. We expected 
three or four repair jobs a day, but when it came to 
mending the strenuous Ted's trace or Carrie's breast 
yoke a dozen times, more or less, in a day's journey, it 
grew monotonous. We would never have gotten through 
without the baling wire and wire pliers — both were in- 
dispensable. The latter is the most useful little imple- 
ment imaginable, not only for all kinds of repairing to 
both schooner and harness but also around the camp fire 
while cooking a meal it was a very handy tool to lift 
pots, pans and kettles on and off the fire. 

One afternoon, after a hard day's travel, we hove in 
sight of a very beautiful place called ''Clovercliff." It 
is an immense alfalfa ranch of many thousand acres. 
We found the people cultured and refined ; they appre- 
ciated the novelty of the trip, and the whole family ex- 
erted themselves to make the Limited comfortable for 
one night at least. 



The Arizona Limited 99 

While the ''chief cook and bottle washer" made a fire 
preparatory to cooking supper the male member of the 
family, together with twenty or more farm hands, gath- 
ered to see how the trick was done. 

We received donations of eggs, bread, milk and cake, 
and they seemed to enjoy the novelty hugely while we 
enjoyed the cake et cetera. 

After supper Tim and I took a scout to see how the 
burros were faring. What do you think ? In the first 
stall Teddy Roosevelt was occupying, mind you, a great 
big box stall alone, wrapped in the solitude of his own 
originality and chewing away at a bale of alfalfa about 
the size of himself. Carrie and her son Epaminondas 
were ensconced in the next, and the old lady was going 
for a bale as though her very life depended on its being 
consumed before morning. Epaminondas was rendering 
slight assistance by occasionally nibbling a few choice 
straws which ever and anon he'd wash down with a drink 
of milk. And what of old dame Grover ? Had she upon 
entering her apartment with Joan lapsed into innocuous 
desuetude ?" Kot much. They were industriously en- 
gaged on a bale of the same brand. 

July third, after accomplishing eight miles, a heavy 
rain set in, and on arriving at a schoolhouse where the 
fuel house was found open with an abundance of dry 
wood, we decided to spend the remainder of the day in 
placing a covering over the water-soaked schooner. Be- 
sides my ankle needed a rest ; it was not conductive to its 
improvement to have carried along several pounds of 
Kansas real estate clinging to each of my rather dilajii- 



100 The Arizona Limited 

dated shoes as I had been doing for the past three 
weeks. To a farmer in the neighborhood a pair of 
mounted steer horns was given in exchange for some 
hoops and a piece of canvas, which, together with an 
old tent we had secured in Trinidad, formed the cover- 
ing. In the afternoon the sun came out and that night, 
for the first time in several weeks, the engineer and con- 
ductor luxuriated in dry clothing and blankets. 

After the organization of the Limited we, once a 
week, would have wash day ; we would camp some 
afternoon early, make a fire, and put a change of cloth- 
ing in a pot to boil. 

If it was dry weather we'd tie the clothes to a rope 
attached to the back part of the schooner. If it was 
rainy weather we would put them on wet ; 'twas only 
an exchange of the clean wet for the soiled wet. 

On the glourious Fourth we arrived in Lebo, flying 
the Star-spangled Banner — the one given us in Los 
Cerrillos- — where quite an ovation awaited us by the 
celebrators. I gave the crowd one of my choice ora- 
tions which, while it lacked the eloquence of a Patrick 
Henry, was well received, and at its termination I sold 
some souvenirs. No Fourth of July celebration is 
complete without the usual game of baseball. The 
"Strong City Giants" were on hand to struggle with 
the '^Lebo Invincibles," for fame, glory and the bright 
smiles of the rustic beauties who were greatly in evi- 
dence, bedecked in their best bibs and tuckers. It was 
great fun ! There is more real, downright enjoyment 
to be had from a country game of baseball than from 



The Arizona Limited 101 

a National League contest. As is usually the case in 
these games, the features were the player by accident 
catching the ball, and the immense score. The Fickle 
Goddess of Fortune placed the laurel wreath of victory 
on the noble brows of the Leboites. 

July sixth we camped on a hill overlooking the town 
of Quenemo where we learned that it would be impos- 
sible to cross the river for several days, owing to the 
high water which was in the streets of the town. Tim 
and I slept in the schooner in wet blankets, lulled to 
sleep by the incessant pattering of the raindrops on the 
canvas. 

We woke on the morning of the seventh, the rain 
still pouring in torrents, wet, hungry and almost de- 
spairing. Kot one gleam of light marked the horizon. 
This communing with Nature in fair weather was all 
right, for what is more alluring than to camp in a 
picturesque spot, with a bright camp fire burning, and 
after a good meal to loll around on the blankets, smok- 
ing and swapping stories until bed time; and then to 
seek a luxurious couch of pine boughs with the bright 
canopy of heaven for a covering ? But the communing 
business through dripping Kansas was ''a gray horse 
of another color." 

The Limited, at Quenemo, again suffered the loss 
of one of its members. The terrible weather had proved 
too much for Joan of Arc, and the poor little brute 
died of lung fever. When we first noticed that she was 
ailing with a bad cough, she was carried to a stable 
where we worked faithfully over her all one night ; but 



102 The Arizona Limited 

she died the next morning. She was a cute little ani- 
mal, kind and gentle, and all day long she'd walk con- 
tentedly by my side like a big, faithful dog. Joan was 
never so precocious as Epaminondas who'd be here, 
there and everywhere. He'd plough through the mud 
all day long, and when night came would run races 
with himself and kick your hat off to give himself an 
appetite for supper. 

July ninth the water had fallen sufficiently to allow 
us to cross the river, and after starting the team on its 
way I left for Kansas City where I expected to secure 
an advertisement from some big enterprise for the 
World's Fair. Tim said he thought he could manage 
alone for a few days, and we would join forces again 
in Missouri. 

The year previous I had known in Chicago a vocalist 
of fine attainments who, when on the verge of becoming 
a great tenor, contracted typhoid fever and died. I 
walked into his father's store in Shawnee, and both he 
and my friend's widow were delighted to see me. The 
following day was passed resting under the big shade 
trees and talking over old times in Chicago. 

The Sunflower State was at my back when the river 
was crossed into Kansas City, Mo. Why it was so 
called I'm at a loss to understand, for old King Sol 
certainly didn't distinguish himself by any lengthy 
exhibitions while we were traversing it. 

Poor old Kansas ! Her trials and tribulations have 
been many. It appears to me as though the Lord takes 
special delight in chastising her good people — for they 



The Arizona Limited 103 

are good, kind and hospitable; at least we found them 
so. Among my earliest recollections are hard-luck 
stories emanating from Kansas. You may have pos- 
sibly heard the story of the farmer who had gone bank- 
rupt in the State, back in the eighties. The poor devil 
was making his exit from Kansas, as rapidly as a poor, 
worn out, old plug of a horse could travel, with the fol- 
lowing sign in large letters on the wagon cover ; 
"In God we trusted, 
In Kansas we busted." 

But these Kansans are stickers, and the tenacity 
with which they cling to their State is most admirable. 
The Creator has tried blowing them out with cyclones ; 
burning them up with droughts ; beating them out with 
hail ; eating them up with grasshoppers ; and as a last 
resort is trying the drowning process. Guess he'll give 
them up as a bad job if the latter fails. They certainly 
deserve a few peaceful years, at any rate. 

While walking the track, several miles east of Little 
Blue, Mo., I met an old, old man, with a long white 
beard, hobbling along with the aid of a walking stick, 
and carrying a bundle. 

"Where are you going, young man ?" he inquired. 

"I'm on a walk from San Francisco to ITew York 
City," I answered. 

"Walking from San Francisco to New York," he 
repeated slowly; "I wouldn't do that for all the money 
in the world." 

"Oh, it's not so hard after one becomes accustomed 
to it," was my reply. 



104 The Arizona Limited 

"'Yes, it's true. I guess h would bo all right 

after one became accustomed to it," he answered, "but 
come and spend the night with me in my shack up in 
the woods, and I want you distinctly to understand, 
young man, that I'm the only man in Jackson county 
who would extend you hospitality. They are a bad lot 
these Missourians, a very bad lot; and I have been 
here long enough to find them out, over forty years." 

The old fellow was quite a character so I decided to 
accompany him to his lodging up in the hills, situated 
a mile from the railroad. On reaching his rudely-con- 
structed shack, I planted myself on a bench under a 
tree after removing my knapsack. 

"Will you have a drink ?" he called from the interior 
of his cabin. 

"Don't care if I do," was my reply, thinking that a 
little nip of good old Kentucky Bourbon would do me 
good. 

The old man shortly emerged from the doorway with 
two tincups, some sugar and a bottle. He placed him- 
self beside me on the bench to mix the drinks. The 
bottle was labeled "ALCOHOL." 

And he rambled thusly: "My name is Albertus Babe 
Kelly, formerly of Kentucky, and the most serious 
charge for which I'll be compelled to answer before the 
last tribunal is that forty years of my life were mis- 
spent in Missouri. I came here forty years ago, to 
escape being drafted for the war, and have never had 
money enough to return. The very idea of a Kentucky 
gentleman having sojourned here so long is alone 



The Arizona Limited 105 

enough to condemn him to eternal and everlasting pun- 
ishment." 

As he poured the fiery liquid into the cups, he con- 
tinued : 

"A good drink of whiskey cannot be secured any- 
where in Jackson county," and, as he handed me the 
drink he proposed the following toast : 

"Here is to dear old Kentucky, 
The land of the rich blue-grass; 
And to jNIissouri eternal damnation, 
Which is only fit for an ass." 

Of course Albertus Babe would have been mortally 
offended had I balked ; so I was game and down went 
the fiery concoction to the last drop. My, how it burnt ! 

In reply to the inquiry as to why he lived a hermit's 
life, he answered: 

"I am close to Nature here, far removed from the 
lying and deceitful world. With the trees, birds and 
animals for my friends, I am spending my last days 
contented and happy. I earn with my axe, chopping 
wood and splitting rails, the necessities of life, and 
here I will remain until the last call." 

Poor, lonely old man ! Can you imagine a more piti- 
ful sight than a man eighty years of age quitting this 
world for eternity without a single friend ? I cannot. 

The next morning the old fellow insisted on my try- 
ing another of his famous Alcohol high-balls, but 'twas 
nay, nay Pauline — never again for little Willie. Al- 
bertus gave me a cane carved from heart oak and it was 
a peach of a dog stick. 

San Francisco, 2,361 miles — 1,349 miles New York. 



106 The Arizona Limited 

CHAPTER XII. 

NEWS OF THE LIMITED. 

Marauders Disturb the Slumbers of the Pedestrian — The Reunion 
at California, Mo. — Jefferson City — Epaminondas Has His 
Picture "Took" — A Fish Story — An Argument With the 
Ferryman — A Feast of Game and Fowl — The Consideration 
of Teddy— Triumphal Entry Into the World's Fair City— The 
Arizona Limited Makes Its D^but Into Fast Society. 

Jiilj seventeenth the weather was very warm and 
after accomplishing ten miles a halt was made under 
the shade of some oaks which line the Missouri Pacific 
railroad. At four o'clock the journey was resumed to 
Strasburg, which was reached at ten o'clock. As the 
whole village had apparently retired, I spread my blan- 
ket on a trunk truck which was standing on the plat- 
form of the station, and a good bed it was ; a little hard, 
it is true, but then I had become so accustomed to hard 
things on this trip that when anything soft came my 
way it was quite a shock to the system. 

Four A. M. found me up and doing. The same 
policy was pursued as on the previous day; that is, 
walking early and late and resting in the heat of the 
day. Upon my arrival in Warrensburg I repaired to 
a drug store, and there met a party who had two days 
previously seen the Limited pass. They kept my 
whistle wet with divers and sundry soft drinks and I 
spun them a few yarns about the road. 



The Arizona Limited 107 

The nineteenth I walked twenty-five miles into Dres- 
den, where an empty box car was occupied. These were 
strenuous days, and I was forcibly reminded of the long 
walks across the Great American Desert into Albu- 
querque, before the organization of the Limited. While 
reposing on the platform of the railroad station at Syra- 
cuse, I was awakened by hearing two persons convers- 
ing in close proximity: 

" 'Fo Gawd, what is dat a layin' dar ?" 
It was then that I rose on my elbow to see who it 
was that dared 

Beard the lion in his den, 
The pedestrian at his rest. 

Her companion replied: 

''He's jes' takin' res', Lize, come away and lef 'im 
be; he's jes' takin' his res'." 

The next marauder to disturb the pedestrian's rest 
was old King Sol, and I wasn't long in getting busy. 

I left the railroad track and followed the county 
road, and if no one had told me that the schooner had 
passed I'd have known it. How? Because there was 
no other pair of wheels in the world that made such a 
trail ; for describing paraboloids they stood alone and 
apart in a class by themselves. The tracks looked like 
two serpents had crawled the road, side by side. 

On reaching California, Mo., the first thing that 
came within my line of vision was the schooner stand- 
ing at the watering trough. When within fifty feet of 
the outfit what do you think happened ? Epaminondas 
espied me and walked down to meet me and rubbed 
against my leg, as much as to say : 



108 The Arizona Limited 

"Where have you been all this time, old sport, and 
I'm real glad to see yon." The dear little fellow. I 
put my arms around him and he was treated to a real 
good hug. How attached one becomes to dumb creat- 
ures! All the attention, however, was not given to 
young Master Pytts. Teddy's new suit of clothes was 
patted — the burros in my absence had shedded their 
long hair — and Carrie's contrariness was forgotten, 
and only her faithful work remembered in those trying 
days in Kansas. Tim told me that Grover was still 
very sad over her recent bereavement, and that she 
didn't sing the song of the Tennessee Mocking Bird 
with the same expression as of yore. 

At Jefferson City we secured a local advertisement 
from a drygoods concern and invested the money in 
a new stock of pictures. The photographer said that 
the picture of the entire outfit was good, but that the 
one of Epaminondas (we had one of him taken alone) 
lacked animation. 

Said I to him, "You go up to the studio and be 
Johnny on the spot, and I'll guarantee to give you all 
the animation you want." 

Taking the little rascal in my arms, I carried him 
up a flight of stairs and deposited him at one end of 
the studio immediately facing the camera. It was 
truly ludicrous. With every muscle tense, head erect, 
eyes glaring, and ears pricked, our young hero's atti- 
tude indicated the following: 

"Well, what do you think of this ? Surely this is 
the queerest place an ass ever found himself in. Pic- 



The Arizona Limited 109 

tures on the wall, yes, and this stuif on the floor; and 
oh ! what is that terrible instrument facing me ? I 
wonder if my long, tall friend in the long, tall hat will 
allow me to be murdered in cold blood ? 

"If he'll just take me out of here alive, I'll promise 
never to take the studs again, nor will I ever kick at 
him when he twists my tail. Oh ! mamma, mamma, I 
want my mamma ! She'd save her baby boy by smash- 
ing that infernal machine with one kick of her nimble 
heels. And see that man cover his head with a black 
cloth, yes, and he's pointing the muzzle directly at me, 

too. Oh! what will I do — he'll blow me to ." 

Click went the machine and 'twas all over. 

The photograph was a howling success. 

July twenty-fourth, Tim was so ill with cramps in 
his stomach (possibly the result of my excellent (?) 
cooking) that he was unable to continue the journey 
until the afternoon. The man at the west side of the 
ferry said that the boss wouldn't be over until four 
o'clock, when the western mail would be brought over. 
While we wait I'll tell you a fish story. 

If I hadn't had that cherry tree story about George 
Washington hammered into me at an early age with a 
shingle, it would be like this : 

I saw many large fish bobbing around in the river, 
and to while away the tedious hours borrowed a fishing 
line from the man at the ferry. I cast the line and sat 
on the river bank to await results. Possibly half an 
hour had elapsed when I was rudely awakened by a 
terrible jerk ; realizing that I was unable to cope alone 



110 The Arizona Limited 

with the monster of the deep, without a moment's hesi- 
tation the line was wrapped around the trunk of a big 
tree in close proximity. I called lustily for Tim to 
bring Teddy to my assistance. I thought that the com- 
bined efforts of Tim, the strenuous one, and myself, 
might be so fortunate as to bring the immrnse catch to 
terra firma. After tugging vigorously with might and 
main our hopes seemed about to be realized when the 
line snapped and the monster escaped. 

However I cannot tell a lie. The crazy fish bobbed 
all around my line, and nary a bite did I get in two 
long hours. Yes, the fish were left in the Osage river, 
and they can bob around until eternity without fear of 
molestation on my part. 

Four o'clock came and with it the ferryman. I in- 
sisted on his ferrying us over free of charge but he de- 
murred. However his demurrer was overruled by my 
strong arguments in favor of free transportation as 
follows : 

Firstly, that we were affording the people at large 
a good deal of free entertainment, and that it was our 
right to demand help and assistance from the people 
with whom we came in contact. 

Secondly, that his ferry would be advertised far and 
wide throughout the country. 

Thirdly, that we had no money, and if we had he 
wouldn't get any of it as it was needed for other pur- 
poses ; and unless he ferried us across the river we'd 
stay right there and live on the country. 

The last one, as the old nigger says, "fotched" him. 
He couldn't take us over fast enough, for he saw our 



The Arizona Limited 111 

hungry eyes feasting on his nice fat chickens strolling 
'round the barn yard. 

While journeying along the road we scared up a half 
grown rabbit. Hare a la Limited popped into my nog- 
gin, and the thought was no sooner formulated than 
bing! Tim and I were in hot pursuit. I must confess 
had we not worked the flim-flam on poor bro' rabbit he 
would have escaped. When one of us became ex- 
hausted after turning him, the other would take up the 
chase. At length Tim caught the little fellow and he 
was immediately added to the fresh meat supply of the 
Limited. 

Good luck always runs in streaks. Whenever chick- 
ens were caught on the roadside chasing buttei'flies I, 
who pride myself on being prepared for all emergen- 
cies, would let fly at them with a rock. Fortune never 
favored me until one day we came upon four wallowing 
in the dust, when letting fly with a stone one was laid 
out with a smack on the side of the head. Chicken 
fricassee, tourist style for ours, you bet. The funny 
part of it was I threw at one chicken and killed an- 
other. 

Tim and I camped under some trees where, while 
rolling around on the grass, we got full of chigoes. They 
are tiny little insects almost invisible to the naked eye 
which bury themselves under the skin. Then it's 
scratch — scratch — scratch — until a great big sore arises ; 
oh ! it's great fun — for the chigoe. 

July twenty-seventh we pushed on to Gray's Sum- 
mit where that evening we had a beautiful camping 



112 The Arizona Limited 

place in a patch of woods that lines the State road. Hav- 
ing lost the case for my glasses, I put them, when re- 
tiring for the night, on the top of a box of oatmeal, 
closed and carefully covered with a piece of canvas, 
never dreaming that aught would molest them before 
morning. However I failed to reckon with the shrewd 
Teddy Roosevelt who, no doubt, was sleeping with one 
eye open under an adjacent tree and observing the 
whole transaction. 

"Now," thought he to himself, ''after the boss goes 
to sleep under the pale, wan moon, I'll sample a box 
of that wonderful oatmeal that old Carrie says is so 
delicious. I am tired of hearing her harp on that old 
story of the swell midnight lunch she and poor Mark 
Twain had one night doAvn in New Mexico. It will 
be a great joke on Carrie and Grover when I tell them 
about it in the morning." 

Several times during the night Teddy was chased 
away from the schooner, and we couldn't imagine why 
he hung around the rig. The next morning we found 
out; the oatmeal, box and all, had mysteriously disap- 
peared. I felt a sinking of the heart when a few pieces 
of pasteboard were found strewn on the ground. I was 
helpless without the glasses and they cost four times as 
much as the Limited had in the treasury at the time. 
A search disclosed the glasses pushed carefully to one 
side after having been mouthed considerably but un- 
broken; which all goes to prove what a very sensible 
fellow our Ted was. 



The Arizona Limited 113 

"What do yoii think of this," thought T. R., as he 
pulled the top off the box, "here are the boss's glasses, 
and I'll push them to one side for the old boy needs 
them. It will do me no good to break his glasses. If 
that vindictive old Carrie Nation were here she'd 
smash them to even up old scores, but as for me there's 
nothing like that in my mechanism ; I'm above such 
little meannesses of the soul but not too high and 
mighty to enjoy a real good bait of oatmeal." 

July thirty-first we reached the outskirts of St. 
Louis where we decided to camp until Monday. The 
next day my old friend "Chicago" came out to the 
camp, and we spent a very pleasant day. 

August second we entered the city and created quite 
a sensation in the down-town district. It was the first 
large city we had had the Limited in, and by drawing' 
such immense crowds and blocking the streets we nar- 
rowly escaped arrest several times. 

The team was quartered on Grand street at a livery 
stable, and Tim and I slept in the delivery wagons 
under the shed. 

One morning I awoke spinning down Grand street. 
The driver had hitched his horse to the rig and jumped 
on the seat, all unconscious of the prize package he was 
about to deliver at the door of some fashionable west- 
end residence. When aware of the fact he halted and 
allowed me to dress, and I took up my bed and hiked 
back to the stable. 

In looking for employment a call was paid the man- 
ager of Manufacturers' Day, and he engaged the Lim- 



114 The Arizona Limited 

ited to advertise the day in the down-town district of 
St. Louis one day, and the following one to come to the 
Fair grounds as a side attraction. At the Fair an im- 
mense throng congregated around us all day and I 
repeatedly mounted the schooner and regaled our ad- 
mirers with stories of the trip across the western plains, 
and how the entire outfit, cart, harness, whiffletrees, 
bridles and bits, everything but the burros, had been 
manufactured with four tools, viz: a saw, a claw-ham- 
mer, wire pliers and a leather punch. We were cau- 
tioned against selling souvenirs but we worked a game 
in which had we been detected, no doubt, would have 
resulted in our expulsion from the grounds. However 
"there was never a law made that couldn't be fenced," 
and we fenced that one by putting the pictures in a 
gunny sack, and having those who wished one take the 
picture and leave the money. 

An immense platform had been constructed on the 
Plaza on which the carnival was held. Late in the 
afternoon on looking over the list of prizes to be dis- 
tributed I noticed that there were several for the best 
mining outfits, the first being fifty dollars in gold. 
While I went in search of a pick and shovel Tim made 
a minature pack for Epaminondas, and on it tied a 
piece of blanket and the canteen. On the platform 
was a heterogeneous company, surely. There were ele- 
phants, camels, horses. Rubes dressed in the most ridic- 
ulous costumes. Oriental girls, and the Arizona Limited. 

The Rube who took the first prize in his class had a 
white pig three weeks old that was dodging between 



The Arizona Limited 115 

his legs continnallj. The Eiibe carried in his pocket 
a nursing bottle with a nipple on the end, and ever and 
anon he'd give the little fellow a nip of milk which only 
served to whet his appetite for more. The pig would 
grunt and squeal to beat the band ; it was too comical, 
and caused a great deal of amusement to the crowd. 

The judges called your uncle Dudley up and handed 
out fifty sheckels in gold. Rich ! why Rockefeller with 
all his millions never in his life felt half so wealthy as 
did the Limited. 

The Post-Dispatch made, August 7th, the following 
comment : 

"Alcibiades-Pytts, donkey, made his debut in fast 
company in the carnival procession. Alcibiades was 
bom three days before his parent.^ and his master 
started from San Francisco to the World's Fair in a 
prospector's wagon. Alcibiades walked all the way, but 
never did he meet with so many obstacles as he did on 
the Plaza platform. 

"He tried to stay next to his mother, but maskers 
got in his way and the turns were hard to make for the 
little unhitched donkey." 

San Francisco, 2,644 miles — 1,0G6 miles IN'ew York. 



116 The Arizona Limited 

CHAPTEE XIII. 

THE LlillTED BEFORE THE FOOTLIGHTS. 

The Outfit in Litigation — The Xew Engineer — Advertising a 
Commodity in the City — Preparations for Leaving St. 
Louis — A Night With the Mosquitoes — The Rifle Brought 
Effectively Into Action — The Engineer Displays Mechanical 
Attainments of a High Order — An Amusing Incident at 
Effingham. 111.— A Turkey Feast. 

The week following "Manufacturers' Day,'" we made 
efforts to be taken into the Fair as a side attraction for 
some show. The Limited received offers in abundance, 
but none that were pecuniarily advantageous. I then 
signed a contract with a show at the Odeon theatre — 
Kiralfv's "Louisiana Purchase Spectacle.'' We were 
featured in the emigrant scene, which represented the 
Forty-niners crossing the plains to the gold fields of 
before retiring for the safety of the party, and then 
Epaminondas by my side, I'd lead the procession, 
closely followed by the rig driven by Tim ; then came 
the actors and supers. 

After several songs and a ballet, prayer was offered 
before retiring for the safety of the party, and then 
all lay doT\m except Epaminondas and me. We did a 
stunt all by our lonesome. 

I would spread the blanket as closely as possible to 
the footlights, and lay the gun and accouterments be- 
side it ; then I wouhl take Epaminondas in my arms, 
carry him across the stage and put him on the blanket, 



The Arizona Limited 117 

when he would lie down, allowing me to use him for a 
pillow. Epam and I never failed to bring down the 
house. During all the shooting and yelling, when the 
Indians attacked, he would lie perfectly quiet ; but at 
the fall of the curtain he would rise with the other 
actors. Really, I believe he thoroughly appreciated 
being a star, and enjoyed it. 

When our engagement terminated at the Odeon I 
wished to renew it, but I ascertained that Tim was dis- 
satisfied with my management. He was badly advised 
by some idle fellows around the stable, and hid the bur- 
ros and schooner in a private stable; and several days 
elapsed before I found them. Replevin proceedings 
were instituted, and I again had possession of the outfit. 
However before the action came up for trial it was 
compromised by the payment of an inconsiderable sum 
to Tim, and his connection with the Limited was sev- 
ered. 

When the smoke of battle cleared — for you know 
full well that a law suit is a luxury — I was again down 
and out financially. All — every cent. — of the nice stake 
made at the fair and theatre was consumed in the tire 
of angry passions. For several days during the con- 
troversy I went hungry, but the burros had their three 
meals per day. On relating the story to a friend he 
remarked : 

"But it's fine stuff for your book, you know." 

"Yes," was my reply, "fine, indeed, but don't you 
think it preferable to have the dope come in install- 
ments, and give the stomach a treat occasionally ?" 

8. 



118 The Arizona Limited 

The acquaintance of a Virginian was made who was 
on his uppers for fair. He had been working for a 
medicine man who manufactured medicine and sold it 
from a cart in small towns in Illinois and Indiana. He 
made formal application for the position rendered va- 
cant by the elimination of Tim, and after due consid- 
eration he received the appointment of engineer and 
mechanic of the Arizona Limited Express, the emolu- 
ments of his office to be one-third of all he could graft. 
The new official answered to the name of Heine, was 
highly educated and spoke several languages fluently. 

A contract was procured from a large shoe concern 
to advertise their commodity on the streets of St. Louis 
in the business district, and we were also able to sell 
a number of pictures of the Limited, and a button bear- 
ing the name and likeness of Epaminondas-Alcibiades- 
Pytts. Every day at luncheon time we'd go to a Ger- 
man restaurant for lunch, and the old frau, who owned 
the place, would send out a big box of stale bread for 
the burros, of which they were very fond. The old 
lady's si)ecial pet was Epaminondas, and his portion 
was always milk which he drank from a pan held by 
the old dame herself. 

The last few days of our stay in St. Louis were spent 
in preparations for the trip to New York. I was pre- 
sented with the running gear of an old buggy to which 
the body of the schooner, lengthened several feet, was 
transferred. It was a great help to the burros, as it is 
next to impossible to equalize a load on a two-wheel 
cart so not to bear heavily on their necks. Again, the 



The Arizona Limited 119 

boxings of our old wheels were worn to a frazzle and 
could not have possibly lasted more than a couple of 
hundred miles. 

A call was paid "uncle Iky," who kept a three-ball 
shop on Olive street, and negotiations opened for a 
small Winchester that carried a twenty-two, long or 
short ; with this we expected to keep the larder of the 
Limited supplied with domestic fowl as we travelled 
athwart the middle West. Uncle Iky wanted three 
dollars for the rifle ; I offered one, and we compromised 
on two. 

Heine was also a bugler, and a good one too. So to 
have all of his talents utilized, a bugle was purchased 
with which in clarion notes the people could be notified 
of the Limited's coming. 

Monday, September twenty-sixth, we wended our way 
over the Eads bridge into East St. Louis, thereby termi- 
nating the visit that promised so much, started so 
auspiciously, and ended so disastrously. We left the 
city in the same financial condition in which we entered 
it eight weeks previous: BROKE. 

The first night out the camp was made near one of 
the Mississippi's lagoons. It was intensely warm, and 
I lay down on the porch of a chicken house in the 
vicinity. All night long it was a question as to 
whether I'd prefer being smothered to death in a 
blanket or consumed bodily by the mosquitoes. And 
such gallinippers ! For size and viciousness their equal 
had never been seen by me in Jersey, Florida or the 
Dakotas. Heine had had his battles also, for the in- 



120 The Arizona Limited 

terior of the schooner resembled a shambles more than 
anything else. 

The twenty-seventh we accomplished only ten miles, 
owing to the poor condition of the road which rivalled 
the quagmires of the Simflower state, and camped near 
a cornfield which afforded us choice roasting-ears for 
supper and, sad to relate, proved the undoing of Heine. 
He awoke the following morning really ill. Heine 
hadn't had sufficient time to develop the stomach of a 
trans-continental traveller, that is, to be able to digest 
ten-penny nails with the heads on. 

In the forenoon a large and juicy opportunity was 
afforded us to try our Winchester against the real thing. 
A number of young spring chickens were chasing in- 
sects on the public highway — foolish, foolish birds! — 
all unconscious of the approach of their avowed enemy, 
the Arizona Limited Express, with its death-dealing 
weapon. On our approach they never desisted a moment 
from their occupation — for had they not from child- 
hood's earliest hour chased June bugs, unmolested from 
the passing vehicles? — and one proud young cockerel, 
bolder than the rest, halted to take a look at Epaminon- 
das. "He who hesitates is lost." While speculating 
as to whether he had better run from that queer bit of 
mule flesh or treat him with contempt, an eye was 
trained on him, yes, the eagle eye of the engineer of 
the Limited, down the glistening barrel of the Winches- 
ter — Bing! Alas, for poor Master Dominicker who 
lay fluttering on the roadside with a bullet through his 
neck, his bright and brilliant career as a Junebug 



The Arizona Limited 121 

catcher brought to an early and untimely end! A 
fraction of a minute sufficed to yank off his head and 
drop him into a bucket which hung to the rear part of 
the schooner. 

We were travelling on the National Road which 
runs parallel to the Vandalia line — part and parcel of 
the Pennsylvania railroad. I was kept very busy tack- 
ing signs of a tobacco concern of Louisville, Kentucky, 
for which we received the sum of three cents each. 
Before leaving St. Louis the manager put into the 
schooner a bushel of tobacco samples. I thought it good 
business policy to exchange the weed with the natives 
for vegetables, eggs, bread, et cetera. As long as the 
samples lasted the larder was kept well supplied with- 
out foraging. 

One afternoon Mobile jogging along, a most remark- 
able feat was performed by a horse attached to a buggy 
in which were two men travelling west. The horse, on 
perceiving the Limited, broke to one side on a dead run, 
went clear over a two-strand barbed wire fence, drawing 
the buggy after him without upsetting it, and ran 'round 
and 'round a field. Heine and I, of course, thought the 
horse must have been cut badly and, when the man 
returned to the road, I went up to see how the animal 
had fared and to offer our valuable services in making 
needed repairs to the buggy and harness. Would you 
believe it that an examination disclosed not a single 
scratch on the animal, the buggy intact, and not even so 
much as a strap broken on the harness ? 

Saturday, October first, we camped on the outskirts 
of Vandalia where we had many visitors and kept the 



122 The Arizona Limited 

boys busy bringing cakes, pies and milk. In the even- 
ing there was a band concert in the city, and to avoid 
having the burros scare the passing horses, mam'' of 
which were driven by women, they were taken to an 
orchard in the vicinity and tied, with the exception of 
Epaminondas. I disliked making the little rascal walk 
all day and not give him his liberty at night. He was 
driven in the orchard with his mother but didn't remain 
there. 

He strayed out in the middle of the road and nearly 
caused a runaway. All the mule species dearly love to 
wallow in the dust. It was sufficient to scare any horse 
to have a tiny mule, the like of which he had never seen, 
rise up at his very feet like Banquo's ghost. 

October second was a beautiful autumn day, and as 
we had very good roads eighteen miles were covered. 
During the day we came to a hill the descent of which 
was impracticable without a brake to assist the burros 
in holding back the schooner, I borrowed an auger 
from a farmer, and for a bar Heine selected a fence 
rail which he sawed to the proper length. This we 
placed underneath the rig on the pieces connecting the 
front and rear wheels, and immediately in front of the 
latter, and on the rail was tacked the blocks. For rub- 
bers the soles of old shoes were used. Then by means 
of wire, rope and an iron ring, Heine made a pulley 
and attached it to a lever which he had previously made 
and set up in the front part of the rig by the driver's 
seat. By pulling back on the lever with moderate 
strength the rear wheels could be locked so effectively 



The Arizona Limited 123 

that they would drag. Heine was a great mechanical 
genius. 

When driving through the streets of Effingham, Illi- 
nois, we met a party of ladies and gentlemen. 

One inquired, "Is this outfit from Virginia ?" 

Imagine their surprise when I told them we were 
both from the Old Dominion. The announcement was 
greeted by the entire party with roars of laughter. Then 
we were let into the joke and enjoyed it as much as 
they. The Illinois family had some relatives from Vir- 
ginia visiting them and whenever a queer, freaky look- 
ing affair was seen, to twit their Virginia cousins some 
one would ask, "Don't that remind you of home ?" 

We pitched the camp in a brickyard and after tea 
the people we met in the afternoon came down and all 
had a fine time as wood was plentiful and we could have 
a jolly big fire. We spent the whole forenoon of the 
following day at their residence, and when we left they 
loaded us down with good things to take along. 

ITear Jewett the fast Vandalia Express ran into a 
flock of half-grown turkeys and killed four. The poor 
lady to whom they belonged was heart broken over her 
loss, and as she didn't care to use them herself I gave 
her two pounds of tobacco for two turkeys. We had 
shot two chickens during the day with the rifle, so there 
were busy times around the campfire that night pick- 
ing and frying fowls. At one A. M. the job was com- 
pleted and we had a supply of turkey and chicken to 
last several days. 

San Francisco, 2,770 miles — 940 I^ew York. 



124 The Arizona Lirnited 



CHAPTER XIV. 

YOUR UNCLE DUDLEY WAS THERE WITH THE GOODS 
AND SO WAS THE COW. 

Terre Haute — The Pedestrian Bested by a Hoosiei- in an Argu- 
ment — ^The Ways and Means Committee of the Limited Go 
Into Executive Session at Reelsville — Two Adventurous 
Youths Visit the Camp — 111 With Malaria at Plainfield — 
Advertising in Indianapolis — The Speech — A Street Fight. 

October fifth we travelled twenty miles, and camped 
in the edge of a wood. Reveille was sounded by a cow. 
While Heine made a fire, I grabbed a pail, scouted 
around in the gray da^vn, and located the bovine on the 
outskirts of the woods. It had been many years since I 
milked a cow, and at first glance she looked to be a very 
formidable brute. For several moments we regarded 
each other — the cow fiercely and I pleadingly. For a 
brief space I was in a quandary. Shall I, thought I to 
myself, or shall I not ? "To be or not to be, that is the 
question." I disliked very much returning to the camp 
milkless, to be laughed at by Heine, but again I wasn't 
hankering after being kicked into next week, gored and 
possibly killed. Ah! an inspiration. That song my 
dear old grandmother used to sing to us children, back 
there somewhere in the mist of years, arose in my 
memory : ''Say, Tiny, my pretty little cow, stand still." 
My pure melodious voice broke the stillness of that new- 
bom day. The soulful rendition of this melody had the 
desired effect, for before the completion of the third 



The Arizona Limited 125 

stanza "the soft and limpid brown eyes," immortalized 
by the poets, were discernible. That cow was touched 
and deeply too. 

Approaching with the stealth of a panther I gently, 
oh ! so gently, touched her on the right hind leg. Much 
to my relief back went the leg and down went I upon 
my knees — but not to pray. With my head pressed 
against her flank I pulled away for dear life, and de- 
sisted only when a quart of the lacteal fluid had been ex- 
tracted. 

When we were preparing to break camp the old lady 
to whom the cow belonged appeared on the scene with 
pail in hand ; but no Tiny. The cow, doubtless think- 
ing she had done her morning's duty, or possibly to 
escape another song, was grazing in the seclusion of 
some woody dell. 

"Have you seen my cow this morning ?" she inquired. 

"Yes-er-I believe there was a cow-er-'round here 
about daybreak, wasn't there, Heine?" was my reply. 

As the old lady climbed the fence to search for the 
recreant Tiny she muttered : 

"I don't know what has gotten into Tiny ; she never 
acted so strangely before." 

Doubtless there was food for further speculation 
when the milk was measured. However, had we known 
the prank would cause the old lady so much trouble 
we'd have dispensed with milk in our coffee. 

On the sixth, after journeying twenty miles, the camp 
was pitched near a sawmill where the slabs furnished 
us ample fuel for a roaring camp fire as the night was 
quite cold. 



126 The Arizona Limited 

In the morning, before breaking camp, several chick- 
ens came and were picking where the burros had been 
fed. Among them was a bright red cock, a proud, fear- 
less young thing, and thinking he'd adorn the skillet I 
picked up the Winchester and when within twelve feet 
of him levelled, aimed and fired. Gee Whiz ! That 
rooster is running yet. On looking 'round very much 
disconcerted, Heine was rolling over the ground in a fit 
of convulsions at my marksmanship. 

A stop of several hours was made in Terre Haute, 
and we camped six miles east of the city. Quite an 
amusing incident happened with an old gentleman who 
furnished us wood and water. I handed him the button 
bearing the name and picture of Epaminondas-Alci- 
biades-Pytts, with the remark : 

"Here is a photograph of my baby." 

The old fellow looked at it by the light emanating 
from the camp fire and said : 

"What a beautiful child it is. Where is the mother 
now — in San Francisco ?" 

"Grazing out there on the roadside," was my answer, 
"take another peep." 

He did, and "Oh!" was his ejaculation. 

Later in the evening a man, who from appearances 
earned his daily bread by manual labor, came to the 
camp and spent several hours with us. He was far 
above his class in intelligence and conversational powers. 

"Who is going to be the next President of the 
United States ?" I asked. 

"Roosevelt," was his reply, "by an overwhelming 
plurality." 



The Arizona Limited 127 

"Are you a Eepublican ?" was the next inquiry. 

"Yes," he answered. 

"Why?" 

You should have seen the fellow. With flashing 
eyes and upraised arm he exclaimed : 

"I am a Republican because the Republican party 
has for the past forty years been the backbone and 
sinew of the country in both war and peace." And 
continuing he asked,"Why are you a Democrat?" 

"Blamed if I know unless it's because my grand- 
father was one," was my answer. 

Ah! it was the middle westerners of this type that, 
fifty years ago, humbled the stars and bars so frequently 
in the West, and finally brought the Confederacy to an 
end on the field of Appomattox. 

One evening at Reelsville we hurried through sup- 
per and the ways and means committee of the Arizona 
Limited went into executive session to consider several 
momentous propositions affecting the welfare of the 
said Limited. I was chairman of the committee, Heine 
recording secretary, and Epaminondas sergeant-at-arms. 
The little burro always participated in the councils. 

The moment he finished his corn he'd sedately walk 
over to the camp for his dessert, a handful of sugar 
which he would eat from my hand. Very strong on 
sweets was Epaminondas. Did he then leave and spend 
the remainder of his recreation in idleness or in search 
of weeds and thistles ? I^ay, nay. A wise one was 
this youngster in his generation. He appreciated good 
company. Ahem ! He would place himself directly 



12^ The Arizona Limited 

over the camp fire, inhale the smoke therefrom, and 
assimilate the words of wisdom which frequently came 
from the lips of the chairman and the secretary. Ahem ! 

The following is an extract from the minutes of the 
meeting : 

"Chairman Harman, sitting on a fence rail, promptly 
at eight o'clock P. M., called the committee to order 
by tapping, gently rapping, on a tin pan with a spoon. 
The secretary, Heine, was present in his usually dis- 
graceful attitude of reclining on a blanket. Sergeant- 
at-arms, Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts, was on hand 
prepared to administer a simultaneous right and left 
uppercut to the jaw of any intruder on the delibera- 
tions of the august body. After the pros and cons of 
several propositions had been discussed Heine was 
called to the rail, and the chairman offered the follow- 
ing resolution: 

"WHEREAS, there has been a serious falling off in 
the proceeds of souvenirs, the sale of which constitutes 
the main support of the Arizona Limited Express, and 

"WHEREAS, wintry weather is approaching and it 
is necessary to procure a tent and a stove to afford pro- 
tection and comfort to the engineer and conductor of 
the said Limited, and 

"WHEREAS, the Chancellor of the Exchequer re- 
ports only one dollar and seventy cents in the treasury 
and it is necessary that heroic measures be adopted : 

"RESOLVED*^: That the said conductor be and he is 
hereby ordered by this committee to prepare a speech 
concerning the journey, the same to be declaimed by 
him vociferously on the street corners, roads and at all 
available public places. 



The Arizona Limited 129 

''And that the said engineer is ordered to make a 
board which will show oiT to advantage the souvenirs, 
and is further ordered to pass it among the benighted 
natives and use all possible means to separate them 
from a portion of the good United States. 

''i\.nd the said Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts must 
look cute on all occasions when on exhibition, and eat 
everything poked at him by the boys ; with the single 
exception of barbed wire which might cause serious 
complications." 

''The resolution was passed unanimously by the 
committee, without amendment. 

"(Signed) M. G. HARMAN, Chairman. 
"By the Secretary, Heine." 

When Plainfield was reached October tenth at three 
o'clock, I was too ill to continue. Heine unpacked the 
schooner and made a bed in it to which I went, sore and 
aching. The following morning the nature of the dis- 
ease was disclosed. Malaria, that malignant enemy of 
man, had me in its toils for fair. Did I shake ? Ask 
Pleine. The old schooner rocked, creaked and 
groaned like an old bark in a gale at sea, and the cow 
bell swinging in the rear of the schooner kept up a con- 
tinual ding-dong. It was contracted either in St. 
Louis or on the night we encamped in the Mississippi 
river bottom. 

All day long I lay in the schooner while Heine went- 
to Indianapolis for some medicine, and to get employ- 
ment for the Limited for a few days. Late in the 
afternoon he returned with some medicine and the glad 
tidings that a local concern would give us employment 
for four days. 



130 The Arizona Limited 

Late in the afternoon two youths from Indianapolis, 
Cyril and Marmadiike, put in an appearance at the 
camp. Cyril carried a small rifle on his shoulder, and 
Marmaduke was ''totin' " a chicken which they asked 
us to cook. The following is the gist of the youngsters' 
story. Having become weary of school and desiring an 
adventurous life in the *'wild and woolly," they had left 
Indianapolis the previous afternoon, with no money. 
Their sole reliance to supply them with sustenance was 
placed on the rifle. The night was passed in a hay barn 
and in the morning they awoke very hungry. Cyril, 
the Nimrod of the combination, shouldered his rifle 
and went in search of game. He drew a bead on a 
chicken somewhere down the road, but after killing it 
the same proved a white elephant on their hands, as 
neither of the boys could make a camp fire or prepare 
the fowl. After wandering around all day they fortu- 
nately came across us. Heine and I regaled them with 
hard luck stories of the road, and when we suggested 
paying their carfare back to the city they gladly ac- 
cepted. I think their experiences will hold them for 
a while and that Marmaduke and Cyril will be content 
to remain a few years more on the paternal roost. 

In pursuance of the order of the ways and means 
committee, the speech was prepared and delivered vari- 
ous and sundry times while in Indianapolis. It ran 
about like this: 

"Ladies and Gentlemen : On the eighth day of Feb- 
ruary of the present year I left San Francisco, Califor- 
nia, on a pedestrian tour across the United States to 



The Arizona Limited 131 

New York City, starting with a single three-cent piece 
in my pocket. After encountering almost insurmount- 
able obstacles, endurance and perseverance landed me 
in your beautiful city yesterday. 

"Fifty miles east of Albuquerque, N. M., the Ari- 
zona Limited Express was organized, and it does not re- 
quire a close examination to perceive that both schooner 
and harness are hand-made. The former engineer and 
myself accomplished this feat with the aid of four tools, 
viz: a saw, a claw-hammer, wire-pliers and a leather 
punch. Ladies and gentlemen, the Limited is not noted 
for speed, nor have we ever taken a prize in a beauty 
show, but I assert without fear of contradiction that 
there are more varieties, kinds, sizes, shapes and colors 
of asses connected with it than can be found in any 
other aggregation in the world. 

"Permit me, ladies and gentlemen, to make you ac- 
quainted with the individual members of the Limited. 
On the nigh side stands Teddy Roosevelt, the embodi- 
ment of strenuosity. It is needless to add he is vio- 
lently opposed to race suicide among the burros, and, 
furthermore, he is DEE-LIGHTED on all occasions, 
but especially so when a member of the audience pur- 
chases his photograph. 

"In the centre is Grover Cleveland. It requires not 
a close examination to disclose the fact that Grover is 
a jinny. But old Grover always was right much of an 
old woman, hence the name. Grover is a great ducker, 
she vetoes vehemently any liberties taken with her 
business end, and one of the engineer's chief duties is 



132 The Arizona Limited 

to prevent the old dame from lapsing into innocuous 
desuetude. Grover drinks very little water, 

"On the off side will be found our old friend Carrie 
Nation. If you don't believe it, walk up and take a 
look at the original Carrie N^ation hatchet attached to 
her bridle. Our Carrie possesses all the eccentricities 
of her notorious namesake, but especially are her smash- 
ing propensities wonderfully develoi^ed. 

"Now you are about to be introduced to the most 
wonderful little ass in the world. Yes, even more won- 
derful than Balaam's ass which argued with the said 
Balaam for an undeserved licking. Epaminondas-Alci- 

biades-Pytts is no talker but he's one h of a walker. 

He is the foal of Carrie JSTation and was dropped on the 
twenty-first day of May at Fort Union, N. M. He 
started on his walk the next day after his birth, and 
when ten weeks of age he hiked into St. Louis, a distance 
of twelve hundred miles. Epaminondas, in addition to 
his walking feat, took a prize of fifty dollars in gold at 
the World's Fair on the sixth of August, and a week 
later made his debut before the footlights in Kiralfy's 
Louisiana Purchase Spectacle, where he immediately 
became a star. 

"The next ass on the program is Heine, the efficient 
engineer of the Limited. He has enjoyed his highly 
honorable and lucrative post a short time only, having 
joined the Limited in St. Louis. 

"But, ladies and gentlemen, the most colossal ass of 
all yet remains to be introduced. (At this point the 
speaker gracefully removes his sombrero, and smilingly 



The Arizona Limited 138 

bows to the right and left) — myself — the conductor and 
originator of the Arizona Limited. He feels a delicacy 
in enumerating and dwelling upon his many accom- 
plishments, so will leave them to the vivid imaginations 
of his highly intelligent audience." 

There was usually some fresh guy in the audience 
who thought because he was in his home town we could 
be insulted with impunity. While standing on Wash- 
ington street, in Indianapolis, a man started to pick a 
row. Several times he was cautioned, when his re- 
marks became obnoxious, to leave us alone, and that if 
he persisted there surely would be trouble. He finally 
called me a liar. I removed my glasses and landed on 
his jaw. However, before either he or I could do any 
serious damage, Heine emerged from the back of the 
schooner like a catapult, and was on him. One blow 
of his fist was all-sufficient. When Mr. Fresh Guy 
came to his senses he found himself lying in the mid- 
dle of the car track, with a lump on his cheek the size 
of a hen's egg. The sympathy of the crowd was with 
us, and several gentlemen gave us their cards and said 
they'd be glad to testify in court in our favor, if ar- 
rested. 

After purchasing a tent and some photographs of the 
Limited we left the city on October sixteenth. 

San Francisco, 2,227 miles — 783 miles Kew York. 



134 The Arizona Limited 

CHAPTER XV. 

HEINE MAKES A STOVE. 

A Catastrophe Narrowly Averted — A Runaway Accident — Mala- 
ria — In a Lunatic Asylum at Columbus — A Bunch of Rol- 
licking, Frollicking Girls — With the Red Devils — The Pedes- 
trian Gives a Driving Lesson — The Limited Runs Amuck of 
a Virago — ^A Brilliant Geographical Scholar — In Which the 
Sheriff of Cadiz County Involuntarily Assumes the Role of 
Acrobat. 

After procuring a tent and some pictures, the treas- 
ury of the Limited was so depleted that there was not 
sufficient money to purchase a stove. When we wanted 
anything we never let a little thing like lack of money 
hinder us. The Limited needed a stove, just had to 
have one. So we got a roll of sheet iron and a box of 
rivets, and on reaching Knightstown, Ind., a local tin- 
smith was asked if he would lend us his tools which he 
very surlily refused to do. However, nothing daunted, 
we repaired to a blacksmith's shop, and the proprietor 
allowed us to work there. In the short space of five 
hours Heine with my assistance, designed, cut out and 
riveted the parts together. It was a bully stove, with 
lids on the top, and the nicest little oven imaginable, 
and sufficiently large to accommodate a plump western 
fowl. Three tools only were used in its manufacture, 
viz: a hammer, cold chisel and anvil. 

October twentieth the Limited passed through Rich- 
mond, Ind., and while there the proprietor of a livery 



The Arizona Limited 135 

stable gave us four horse blankets to cover the burros at 
night. The camp was made at a schoolhouse just over 
the Ohio State line. At this camp we came near losing 
another member, but luckily it was prevented. The 
burros had been allowed to graze in the yard for a time, 
but before retiring the three old ones were tied to the 
boughs of a large tree in close proximity to the tent. 
During the night we were aroused — such a braying 
was never heard. Thinking some animal was interfer- 
ing with the brutes, I rushed forth in my stocking feet 
and found Epaminondas lying on the ground, while 
Teddy was on his knees, holding the small jack by the 
throat and choking the life out of him. Ted's hold was 
broken after he had been belabored with the rifle. 
Epam came very near taking the short route to burro 
heaven. For several moments after Teddy's grip had 
been broken, the little burro rolled over the ground, 
gasping for breath and trying his level best to bray. 
What intelligent brutes these burros were. Old Carrie, 
knowing full well that her youngster was being killed, 
was struggling with might and main to break her tether, 
and at the same time braying loudly for help. Grover 
Cleveland, purely out of sympathy, joined in the chorus 
with her sweet, resonant voice. 

On the twenty-second of October we made the thriv- 
ing town of Dayton, the place made famous by the 
National Cash Register. Ever since leaving St. Louis 
we had been searching for a nice dog, and a man at the 
last-named point presented the Limited with a beautiful 
fox terrier. "It never rains but it pours." A man 
named Cooper asked: 



136 The Arizona Limited 

"Don't you want a companion for your dog ?" 

"Trot the dog out and let's have a look at her," was 
my reply, "this is a very select bunch of asses, and you 
can't palm off on the Limited just any old thing." 

He returned bearing a very funny little creature. 
She was the embodiment of many breeds — in other 
words a mongrel — a mixture of black and tan, pug and 
what not. She looked so forlornly pitiful, and as she 
had no home, the gentleman having found her that 
morning crouched at his door, we gave her a berth. The 
fox terrier was named Daytonia in honor of the city, 
and the mongrel was given the appellation of Cooperina. 

One morning, east of Springfield, I went into a hay 
loft to lie down until a chill passed off. x\fter several 
hours, on returning to the rig, I found Heine and a 
farmer picking up the remnants of a buggy which were 
scattered around the road. The following was Heine's 
account of the accident : 

"After feeding the burros I climbed into the 
schooner and commenced a letter. So engrossed was I 
that the first intimation I had that anything was ap- 
proaching was a terrible crash. On looking out, two 
men were observed crawling from beneath a capsized 
buggy, and one inquired of the other : 

"Are you hurt ?" 

"No," was his reply, "but dog-goned scared." 

"And," Heine continued, "a short distance from the 
buggy, the horse, a treacherous broncho, was lying flat 
on his back in a ditch, kicking and struggling franti- 
cally in the endeavor to extricate himself. We were 



The Arizona Limited 137 

puzzled for a time as to the best method to get the 
animal up, for it was dangerous to go near him. Finally, 
one of his hind legs was lassoed, and the four of us 
dragged him out." 

The weather was cold and a drizzling rain had set 
in, and how I was enabled to accomplish that last six 
miles of the day's journey into West Jefferson, God 
alone knows. My temperature rose to such a degree 
that my brain became addled, and the only incident of 
the walk remembered next day was Heine and I scrap- 
ping; he wanted me to get into the rig and I wouldn't. 

How peculiar is this disease called malaria. One 
may be walking along feeling all right, when presto! 
a change. Cold chills run up and down the spinal 
column, very slight at first, almost imperceptible. 
Presently a slight shiver will be felt — then a big one — 
a shake — many shakes — harder and harder they become 
until the teeth begin to rattle, and finally he is shaking 
and racking from head to foot as though his very body 
will go to pieces. Presto ! another change. The chill 
gradually lessens in its intensity. The body begins to 
ache — the victim feels stretchy and tired, oh ! so tired — 
the throat becomes parched — the brain muddled, and the 
feet are as though leaden weights were attached to 
them; every step is a herculean task. The fever usu- 
ally abates after a few hours, when the victim feels well 
though weak, and is very hungry, for while the attack 
is on food in any form is nauseating. 

October twenty-seventh when approaching Columbus, 
Ohio, we saw an imposing structure situated some dis- 



138 The Arizona Limited 

tance from the pike, and stopped and asked a funny 
little old man what it was. He replied that it was the 
State Asylum for the Insane. He told us that he him- 
self had been a boarder for twenty years. He said if 
I'd go up with him he would introduce me to the au- 
thorities and I could get some medicine. I left Heine 
in charge of the Limited, and Luny and I marched up 
to the main entrance, opened the door and walked in. 
In the hall we met the steward. 

"Mr. Blank," said my nutty friend, "I have found 
my long lost brother; he's sick and wants some medi- 
cine." 

The expression on the steward's face was truly ludi- 
crous. A few words of explanation sufficed, the medi- 
cine was procured and Heine and I passed the re- 
mainder of the day as a guest of the steward. 

In Columbus the burros were quartered in a stable 
immediately in the rear of the five and ten-cent store. 
At noon a number of girls, having read in the papers 
of our adventurous journey across the continent, came 
down to see the schooner, burros, and incidentally, of 
course, the engineer and conductor. What a merry hour 
we had ! Away back in muddy Kansas people com- 
menced writing their autographs both on the in and 
outside of the canvas covering the schooner. After our 
fair visitors had scribbled their names, a hike back to 
the store was taken, and each returned with a souvenir 
with which they decorated the interior of the rig until 
it resembled a booth in a church fair. 

One little girl, God bless her! presented me with a 
tiny skillet with the remark: 



The Arizona Limited 139 

"I was so sorrj to hear that you have malaria, Mr. 
Harman. I brought this small skillet, for sometimes 
when you are feeling badly and only want an egg you 
can use this." 

I was so touched by this act of kindness that she was 
presented with a photograph of Epaminondas-Alci- 
biades-Pytts on the spot. The fellow that gets that girl 
will be a lucky dog. However, the chances are she will 
hook up with a brute of a man incapable of apjDreciating 
God's choicest creation — a woman with a heart of pure 
gold. 

One venturesome young lady fell head over heels in 
love with Teddy Roosevelt and insisted on riding the 
strenuous one. We tried to dissuade her, for the only 
way that feat could be accomplished was to grasp his 
ear with one hand and his tail with the other, and hold 
on for dear life. Teddy was a bucker from your heart. 
If he failed to dislodge the rider by bucking, he'd lie 
down and roll him off. However she was game, and 
with Heine on one side of her and me on the other, we 
started down the alley with Ted bucking at every jump. 
How the other damsels shrieked with laughter. When 
opposite the stable door Teddy with a supreme effort 
threw the lady, and fortunately she landed in my — 
shall I say reluctant? — arms, where she rested for a 
brief moment, palpitating and panting against my 
manly heart — oh, fudge ! 

The Limited joined the Red Devils on Saturday, 
October twenty-ninth. A Cincinnati concern, which was 
putting a brand of tobacco on the market, had a big 



140 The Arizona Limited 

parade with a number of men on horseback dressed as 
red devils. A ten dollar williara induced us to partici- 
pate. 

"I won't dress you fellows up as devils," said the 
manager, "for no suggestion of mine could make you 
look more like the devil than you do now." 

We wandered around the streets all day at the tail 
end of the procession. Heine drove, and blew the bugle, 
while I, wrapped in a red blanket, Indian fashion, with 
Epaminondas by my side, followed behind the schooner. 

While travelling just east of Columbus, we met a fel- 
low taking his best girl out driving. From the Lizzie 
fashion in which he was holding his lines I knew that 
he was no horseman, so Heine was told to stop and lead 
the horse by. However before the latter could reach the 
nag, he commenced to back, and the man deliberately sat 
there and allowed the horse to upset the buggy and 
throw both the occupants out. After the buggy had been 
righted, and the occupants picked up and dusted off, I 
inquired : 

"In the name of common sense man, why didn't you 
lay the whip on him ?" 

"I was afraid he'd jump," was the astonishing reply. 

"Jump ! I guess he would jump," was the rejoinder, 
"that is what a whip is for. I'd rather he would jump 
twenty times than have a beautiful young lady thrown 
out into the dusty road when dressed in her best bib 
and tucker." 

I jumped into the buggy, gathered up the lines and 
called to Heine to turn the horse loose. When within 



^^ %^ : I Walking From 
^^\:I Ocean to Ocean 







FAC-SIMILES. 



The Arizona Limited 141 

fifty yards of the schooner he tried the backing game 
with me, but after being "tetched" up a few times the 
old skate was only too glad to go forward just any old 
pace. We whisked by the Limited like greased light- 
ning. Look? He didn't have time, for the lash was 
descending mercilessly on his flank. You should have 
seen the look of disgust with which the girl regarded 
her admirer. If he ever had a chance with the girl, it 
was dollars to doughnuts he lost out. The philosophy 
of the proposition is very simple. You make it so 
warm for the horse that, as he can think of one thing 
only at a time, he forgets what is in front to scare him. 

Wednesday morning, ITovember second, we travelled 
sixteen miles, the camp being made near Cambridge, 
Ohio. At the last named point we left the ITational 
road, to travel via Pittsburg. 

While moseying along the road one afternoon some 
boys joined us, going home from school. We had had 
school children many times walk with us, and, away 
back in Colorado, examinations to ascertain Young 
America's kjiowledge of his country. Sometimes 'twas 
on history and at others on geography — just to ascer- 
tain, you know, if the school teacher was earning her 
salary. For blissful ignorance unquestionably the palm 
belonged to a big strapping lad of fourteen years, called 
Chester. 

"Where'd yer come from ?" he inquired. 

"I am walking from San Francisco to I^ew York 
City," was the reply. "Do you know the distance be- 
tween the two cities ?" 

"Nope." 



142 The Arizona Limited 

"Can't you tell about the distance from the Atlantic 
to the Pacific ocean?" was the next question. 

"Dunno," was his answer. 

"Do you know where California is situated ?" 

"In the West," he replied. 

"Yes, it is in the West, but that section of the coun- 
try is a big place," was my reply. "What part of the 
West?" 

"I dunno." 

"Where is New York?" was the next inquiry. 

"Yer got me," answered Chester. 

"Is Arizona in the West or East ?" 

"West," he replied. 

"Bound it." 

"Arizona is bounded on the east by Kansas, on the 
north by Canada, on the south by the Indian ocean, 
and on the west by the Pacific." 

At this point the examination was discontinued. The 
teacher was riding on horseback in rear of the schooner, 
and while I was negotiating a deal at a farm house 
for a jar of buttermilk she rode up to the stile and dis- 
mounted. 

"Are you Chester's teacher ?" I inquired. 

"Yes," she answered. 

"Do you want to teach this school another session?" 
was the next inquiry. 

"Certainly, why do you ask?" 

"Well," said I, "if Chester is as brilliant in his other 
studies as he is in geography, take a tip from a friend, 
and when the school board comes get him out of the 



The Arizona Limited 143 

way. Put him in a closet or, better still, give him a 
vacation to lie under the shade of the old apple tree. 
For if any member of the board should ask Chester to 
bound Arizona, you are lost." 

It was quite dark before a suitable camping place 
was reached, near the settlement of Cassville. Of 
course it wasn't incumbent on me to ask Mr. Jay's per- 
mission to camp on the public highway, but as the spot 
selected was in close proximity to his residence as a 
matter of courtesy I inquired if he had any objection 
and he said none whatever. 

While unhitching the burros Mrs. Jay appeared on 
the veranda. Then the fun began — for Mr. Jay. The 
old virago shrieked in a highly pitched, rasping voice : 

''So you, Mr. Jay, you gave these gypsies permission 
to camp here. This is my house and my farm, and if 
these creatures stop here to-night don't you dare — don't 
you dare, sir, to ever cross my threshold again. You 
walk, Mr. Jay, do you understand, you walk!" 

"They are not gypsies, but gentlemen," she con- 
tinued, repeating the old fellow's opinion of us, "yes, 
pretty gentlemen they are to be sure ! They'll steal 
everything on the place before morning. Don't you 
dare, Mr. Jay, don't you dare!" 

Then the old fury whisked back into the house. The 
foregoing harangue was accentuated by gesticulations 
more eloquent than words — for the future comfort and 
welfare of Mr. Jay. 

Poor man! We'd have camped there if only to 
spite the old hag, but the backboneless specimen of 
manhood said: 



144 The Arizona Limited 

"Boys, you had better move on; she means every 
word she says." 

We were too considerate to have the old man lose his 
happy home for us. How many times do you suppose 
Mr. Jay had been informed that it "is my house and 
my farm ?" Doubtless as frequently as there are rail- 
road ties between ISTew York and San Francisco. If I 
were Mr. Jay and so unfortunate as to be married 
to Mrs. Jay, I'd do what a railroad conductor said he'd 
do, once upon a time, when in an altercation over a 
railroad ticket with a very positive and high-tempered 
woman. She said : 

"You are the meanest man I ever saw and if you 
were my husband I'd poison you." 

"Madam," replied the imperturbable conductor, "were 
I your husband the opportunity wouldn't be afforded 
you to administer the dose — I would take the poison 
voluntarily." 

We pushed on to the village, leaving Mr. Jay to his 
fate, and camped on a vacant lot in the vicinity of the 
tovni. While pitching the tent some one in the crowd 
that gathered around stole Daytonia. We were very 
sorry to loose her as she was an affectionate little brute, 
but not so smart as the mongrel Cooperina. 

One afternoon while travelling east of Cadiz, Ohio, 
we met a man at the summit of a long steep hill, travel- 
ling westward in a buckboard and driving a fiery gray 
horse. The nag no sooner laid eyes on the Limited than 
he wheeled so suddenly that the man was dislodged 
from his seat, performed a series of revolutions in the 



The Arizona Limited 145 

atmosphere, and terminated his acrobatic feats by 
standing in the centre of the road on his head. We 
thought his neck was broken, for surely never did man 
get a harder fall from such a slight distance. He was 
for a time stunned and there was a gash on his head, 
but he was more scared than hurt. He proved to be the 
sheriff of Cadiz county. 

San Francisco, 3,215 miles — 495 miles New York. 



146 The Arizona Limited 

CHAPTER XVI. 

FORDING THE OHIO RIVER AT STEUBENVILLE. 

The Limited Travels in Three States in the Course of a Single 
Day — Pittsburg — The Pedestrian Referees a Sanguinary 
Conflict — The Clouds Again Lower Around the Limited — A 
Sweet Samaritan — A Jolly Bunch of School-Marms at Ebens- 
burg — Arrested in Altoona. 

When we reached Steubenville, November fifth, 
there was only twenty-three cents in the treasury, and 
a resident who visited the camp said the charge for 
ferrying the river was twenty-five. However, we had 
no idea of being held up by the price of a postage 
stamp. We went into town and sold seven dollars worth 
of pictures. 

Heine and I became panicky when the old ferryman 
said, owing to the low water, he could ferry the outfit 
only half way across. If there is one thing a burro 
detests more than another it is water — in that respect 
like a Kentucky colonel. The burros are exceedingly 
timid when in the water, for it is impossible for them 
to see where they are placing their feet. On coming to 
anchorage in mid-stream the engineer made a minute 
examination of the gearing and harness; and all the 
numerous pots, pans, kettles and the stove, which, while 
travelling the roadways hang from the rear of the 
schooner, were stored securely. It required the com- 
bined strength of Heine, the ferryman and myself to 



The Arizona Limited 147 

push the burros down the incline of the boat into the 
water. What a time we had ! The cringing, frightened 
burros refused to pull in unison, but Heine with a deal 
of yelling and whipping managed to keep them in 
motion. I was perched on the rear of the wagon, pull- 
ing Epaminondas through the water by a rope which 
was attached around his neck, and Cooperina was bark- 
ing for dear life. Carrie's hind legs slipped off a large 
stone and the old dame took a seat in the middle of the 
river. It was quite swift in places and rather deep, and 
on one occasion the water came within two inches of 
running into the schooner, and Epaminondas took his 
first swimming lesson. Finally the West Virginia 
shore was reached, much to the relief of all the mem- 
bers, and the only loss sustained by the Limited was 
the water bucket which was torn loose from its fasten- 
ing. We were not long in crossing the Pan-handle of 
West Virginia, at that point only seven miles wide. One 
day we journeyed in three states, Ohio, West Virginia 
and Pennsylvania. 

One morning when approaching the limits of Pitts- 
burg we came to a long, steep hill, and the road wound 
around it like the letter S. Heine took the schooner 
down in a gallop and left me far in the rear. Epami- 
nondas started with the rig, but I presume he stopped 
in his mad career to pick a few choice morsels on the 
roadside — a great failing of his. What was my aston- 
ishment, on turning one of the sharp curves, to observe 
the little donkey walking back to meet me. When 
Epaminondas saw me he stopped, and on my coming 



148 The Arizona Limited 

up to him turned in his tracks and followed me. If 
the little rascal was as adept with his tongue as was 
Balaam's ass he'd have said : 

"I got a little balled up, old sport, and didn't know 
which was the right direction." He was a comical 
brute if there ever was one. 

November tenth we travelled out of the Smoky city 
in a pouring rain. It was quite dark when Wilkens- 
burg was reached and, after slipping around in the mud 
for an hour or more, we made a parson's house who 
allowed us to camp on the premises and sleep in the 
barn. 

One evening, at Murraysville, when Heine and I 
were taking our after-dinner smoke around the stove, a 
great braying and kicking reached our ears and run- 
ning out of the tent we saw Carrie and Grover locked 
in deadly combat. The stake, it was thought, was the 
affections of Teddy Roosevelt. He had been pay- 
ing marked attention to Grover who was growing kit- 
tenish and playful in her old age, and Carrie, the 
scorned matron, took matters in her ovsm hands. Epa- 
minondas was in his mother's corner, while the faith- 
less Teddy officiated as a second for Grover. The fol- 
lowing is the fight by rounds as seen by the referee : 

Ringside, Murraysville, Pa., November 11th, time, 
6.02 P. M. Round one: Carrie landed a terrific 
right on Grover's short ribs — Grover broke ground and 
grunted — Carrie squealed with delight and followed 
up her advantage — Grover ducked a vicious jolt for 
the jaw — Grover led for Carrie's stomach and missed 



The Arizona Limited 149 

— Carrie led for the body — Grover side-stepped. At 
the sound of the gong Carrie was following Grover 
around the ring endeavoring to land a knockout, while 
the footwork and ducking of Grover were truly remark- 
able. 

Round two : Grover opened the round by landing a 
simultaneous right and left to the head — Carrie rushed 
and bit Grover on the neck — Carrie landed two telling 
body blows — Grover was plainly groggy — Carrie 
chased Grover clear out of the ring. 

The referee didn't award the victory to Carrie, for 
it was against the Pennsylvania law to award decisions 
in ring battles. However, the smasher was left in un- 
disputed possession of the ring, after administering a 
solar plexus, a la Fitzsimmons, to the faithless lover. 
At eight thirty Grover was consoling herself for the 
double loss, Ted and the battle, with a bunch of dried 
weeds. Carrie and Teddy were chumming, each hav- 
ing forgiven the other. It is thought, after his severe 
chastisement, that Teddy will carry on all future flirta- 
tions sub rosa. Epaminondas was so elated at his 
mother's victory that he chased himself around the lot 
three times. 

IsTovember twelfth we camped in the Allegheny 
mountains at a school house. The next morning before 
breakfast I experienced a very severe chill and was com- 
pelled to seek the feathers. All day long I lay there 
tossing with fever but was not too ill thoroughly to 
appreciate the serious predicament of the Limited. At 
ten o'clock a snowstorm set in which didn't have a 

10. 



150 The Arizona Limited 

tendency to lessen mj anxiety for the successful com- 
pletion of the journey. We were still over four hun- 
dred miles from l^ew York — the provisions low — no 
feed for the burros — less than a dollar in the exche- 
quer, winter setting in, and I flat on my back with 
malaria. It was sufficient to make the stoutest heart 
faint. However, we were among kind-hearted folk, 
and when it was remarked that I was ill the farmers 
came to camp, each bringing something for our com- 
fort. Wine, cake, bread in plenty (good old homemade 
bread baked in a brick oven) and milk. One of the 
visitors brought his little girl, and she was the most 
pleased youngster you ever saw when Epaminondas 
came into the tent and allowed the little miss to put 
her arms around his neck and hug him. Then Epara 
^vas made to lie down, and the little damsel took a seat 
upon him. He lay there perfectly still and blinked up 
at her as much as to say: 

"I am deeply conscious of the high honor done me." 

"Poor little fellow," said I, "he wants his dinner and 
he has come to make a personal investigation as to why 
he hasn't got it. A mule's stomach is the best clock in 
the world." 

"Haven't the burros had their dinner ?" inquired the 
visitors. 

"No," was the reply, "we gave them all the oats we 
had for breakfast." 

Then he told Heine to come to his place and he'd 
give him all the oats and corn he could carry. As a 
matter of fact, the opportune appearance of Epaminon- 



The Arizona Limited 151 

das was a put up job. Any one who could resist Epa- 
minondas had a heart of stone. The first consideration 
was always the welfare of my faithful companions. It 
has been said of a burro that he can suck the rail of a 
fence and keep in fair condition, but none of that for 
mine. On only two occasions had they missed their grain 
and then it was unprocurable. Never can I forget how 
they lingered around the camp, emitting a bray occa- 
sionally and, with pleading eyes, looking for something 
that never materialized. Never again did little Willie 
stand at the bar of justice — the accusing eyes of the 
dumb brutes — and plead guilty. When we had money 
the grain was bought; when the treasury was low we 
went foraging. 

One farmer insisted that if I was not better by morn- 
ing I should go to his house until strong enough to re- 
sume the journey. It was certainly very kind of him 
and he was thanked most heartily. 

One day I stopped at a blacksmith's shop to take a 
rest and smoke. The smith was shoeing a horse, a big 
country lad holding the bridle. Naturally the three of 
us discussed the walk. The young fellow finally asked : 

"What is your final ' destentation'' ?" 

While inwardly exploding with laughter I replied 
without cracking a smile: 

"New York City." 

Another time I met a man who inquired if I was 
walking on a "wafer" — meaning wager. 

November seventeenth, having suffered a severe chill 
in the morning, I sent Heine on with the rig to travel 



152 The Arizona Limited 

as far as possible, camp late in the afternoon and wait 
for me to overtake him before breaking camp. At this 
time every hour was precious as we were more than 
three hundred miles from iSTew York, and the weather 
was getting cold and stormy. After the chill passed I 
walked fifteen miles into the little town of Armagh, 
where I learned at the country store that the Limited 
had passed through several hours before my arrival. 
Quite a number of people gathered to be regaled with 
stories of my travels, and there were three young ladies 
who seemed to derive a great deal of amusement there- 
from. The merchant was questioned about the hotel 
accommodations. 

"It is out of the question," said I, "for me to over- 
take the schooner in my ill and fagged condition. So 
the hotel will have the honor of entertaining the pedes- 
trian to-night if the charges are reasonable, for the 
finances are very low." 

The proprietor was absent in Pittsburg, but his wife 
received me and said the charge would be fifty cents for 
supper and lodging. The porter conducted me to the 
daintiest little room imaginable. In the artistic arrange- 
ment of everything the hand of woman was discernible. 
I was puzzled for a moment, it was so different from 
any country hotel room that I had ever seen. Then it 
dawned on me all of a sudden. One of the pretty girls 
seen at the store came into the room during supper, and 
unquestionably was the proprietor's daughter, for on 
the dresser were pictures of her father and mother, and 
of herself in various groups of young people. I was so 



The Arizona Limited 153 

touched that it was impossible for me to sleep for at 
least five minutes after striking the hay. This young 
girl had voluntarily surrendered that most sacred of 
places to a refined young girl — her bedroom — to an ill 
and travel-worn stranger that he might be comfortable 
for one night at least. 

Six o'clock next morning, on coming dovni stairs, I 
was surprised to find a hot breakfast awaiting me. Pull- 
ing out the money to pay my bill, the mother refused 
to take it. 

"1^0, Mr. Harman," she said, ^'Eileen and myself 
are only too glad to be afforded an opportunity of en- 
tertaining you." 

"My dear lady," I replied, "no act of kindness has 
so affected me since leaving San Francisco as your 
daughter's giving up her room to me last night. Both 
you and your daughter have hearts bigger than water- 
melons. Convey to Miss Eileen my deepest thanks 
and appreciation. May God bless you." 

The city of Ebensburg, where there was a meeting of 
country school teachers, was reached in the afternoon. 
Many of them, accompanied by their escorts, surrounded 
the Limited, but poor progress was made selling souve- 
nirs until a man, evidently a big gun and the wit of the 
tovni, came up. He and I, much to the amusement of 
the crowd, began jollying each other. After parrying 
and thrusting for a few moments, I perceived my op- 
portunity and promptly took advantage of it. 

"Most noble and valiant sir, I, Michael Grasshopper 
Harman, the Grand High Priest of the Ancient and 



154 The Arizona Limited 

Honorable Order of Asses, deeming thee worthy and 
possessed of all the essential qualifications, do by this 
act (pinning the button bearing the picture and name 
of the little jack on the lapel of his coat) proclaim thee 
an honorary member for life of the said Ancient and 
Honorable Order of Asses." 

"Most noble and courageous High Priest," he re- 
plied, "I do esteem and appreciate to the uttermost the 
high honor conferred upon me. I have known for the 
past twenty years, and so have my acquaintances, that 
I am the most colossal ass alive. But you, worthy 
High Priest, are the only one possessing the courage of 
his convictions. Accept this (producing fifty cents) to 
help sustain that life which is so valuable and precious 
to your fellow members. Adieu." 

After the example set by the great man of the town 
every one of the jolly school-marms wanted to become 
a member of the Ancient and Honorable Order of Asses 
and made their swains purchase buttons galore, until 
over fifty were disposed of. 

While pursuing the journey down the Alleghenies, 
Heine saw a phenomenon of nature growing by the 
roadside. An examination disclosed the fact that a 
grapevine had entwined itself around a young ash, 
when a mere sprout, and had caused it to form a spiral ; 
the coils were as perfect as those of a corkscrew. 

The camp was made in the famous Horse Shoe curve 
of the Pennsylvania railroad which is some miles west 
of Altoona. In the morning, soon after reaching the 
city, I was making a talk from the rear of the schooner 



The Arizona Limited 155 

and Heine was selling souvenirs in the aiTdience, when 
two policemen arrested us. 

"Bill," said one of the cops to his partner, "you drive 
that crazy looking rig to the City Hall," and turning 
to me, in that hectoring, sneering manner so character- 
istic of the blue-coated, clubbing, brass-buttoned gentry, 
"ISTow you are a pretty looking specimen of humanity ; 
where'd you come from anyway ?" 

"It's none of your blamed business who I am or 
where I came from," was my retort, "you are too ignor- 
ant to know if you were told." 

I then turned to the other policeman and said, "Don't 
you touch those lines ; Heine will drive the schooner 
wherever you direct." 

Many of the spectators were highly indignant at the 
treatment accorded us, and followed to the City Hall to 
see the outcome. 

I showed the Mayor my credentials and explained 
that we were not selling any commodity, but only souve- 
nirs of the journey. I gave him some buttons for the 
little mayors at home, of which he had the goodly num- 
ber of ten, when he said : 

"Mr. Harman, the Arizona Limited can remain in 
Altoona as long as you desire. Go out on the streets 
and sell all the buttons you can." 

San Francisco, 3,387 miles — 323 miles New York. 



156 The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTER XVII. 

HOW TO MAKE A COMFORTABLE BED ON THE FROZEN 
GROUND. 

The Pedestrian Goes Shopping — Harrisburg — An Adventure With 
the Tollman — A Swift Remedy — Easton — Cooperina Goes 
Foraging — Hackettstown — A Severe Snowstorm — Jersey City 
— Before the Footlights in Brooklyn, New York — The Dis- 
bandment of the Limited. 

November twentieth we travelled to Mill Creek and 
camped near a sehoolhoiise. The nights had become 
very cold, and it may be valuable for you to know how 
to make a comfortable bed on the frozen ground. An 
oilcloth was first spread on the ground, and if procur- 
able we'd get an armful of straw and scatter it over the 
oilcloth about six inches deep. Then came two horse 
blankets; then a double layer of thick sign paper was 
arranged next the horse blankets — for both straw and 
paper are good non-conductors. Then a cotton com- 
forter, and on top of that a double woollen blanket. The 
covering used was three large double woollen blankets. 
All around the edges of the tent paper signs were set up 
to the height of a foot. In this luxurious couch we'd 
sleep "as snug as a bug in a rug." 

Why I know not, but the chickens along through 
Pennsylvania were very scarce, and when we did see 
one he would take to his heels before coming within 
range of the Winchester. Possibly the feathered 
mourners in our wake had sent their cousins a Marconi. 



The Arizona Limited 167 

Since these Pennsylvania chickens were so wise in their 
generation our principal diet was beef. I defy the 
thriftiest housewife to emulate my feat, viz : feed two 
hungry men and a dog five times on fifteen cents. How 
was the trick turned ? Shrewd marketing was the secret. 
A meat market was visited in one of the small towns, 
and while telling the proprietor of the walk and laying 
especial stress on the financial depression in the affairs 
of the Limited, my grafting eye moved rapidly over 
the contents of the shop and finally settled on a mag- 
nificent quarter of beef. 

"I want a nice, large fine ." 

"Roast ?" interposed the butcher. 

"No," was my answer, "fifteen-cent soup bone cut 
from here," indicating a point about eighteen inches 
from the hock. 

"It's a sure thing you don't want much for your 
money," was his reply, "that's a forty-cent bone at the 
price of cattle." 

"Absurd," replied I, "a forty-cent soup bone? 
Ridiculous ! My friend, I have selected by actual count, 
since leaving San Francisco, one hundred and thirteen 
soup bones. That is my specialty — I'm an expert on 
soup bones." 

"Besides," I continued, "that is the right hind leg, 
which you know full well is more sinewy and muscu- 
lar than the left; and from the color of the meat that 
steer was fodder fed. 

"You'll cut it there?" — he had moved up the joint 
a few inches — don't do it until I tell you of a bone pro- 



158 The Arizona Limited 

cured from a whole-souled butcher in Blairsville. Why 
it lasted us for three days and Cooperina finished up 
the last of it this morning for breakfast." 

"Having made him give way another inch I asked, 
"will you kindly cut off two steaks from the large end 
for our supper, and er — by the way — we have a little 
dog, Cooperina; could you not put in a handful of 
scraps for her ?" 

He tossed into the bundle some chopped meat and 
bones and, on reaching the door, I turned and said : 

"We have four burros with the Limited, and Epa- 
minondas-Alcibiades-Pytts will be so disappointed 
if he is not brought something. Have you — er — nice 
bale of timothy hay — er — in the stable with the wires 
cut — er ?" 

"Well," burst from the butcher, "for unmitigated 
gall you are the limit. For fifteen cents you want a 
quarter of beef cut in half, and call the lower portion 
a soup bone. To this is added a pound of scraps for the 
dog, and now lastly comes a bale of hay with the wires 
cut for the burros. ISTo, you don't want anything for 
fifteen cents. Oh! no, not at all. Do I believe you 
capable of walking across the continent with three 
cents? I have no doubt of it whatever, but why stop 
at Ji^ew York? Just continue the journey on to the 
gates of Paradise, and flim-flam Saint Peter into letting 
you in by saying you are 'expert' at something. If 
Peter refused you could easily gain admission by talk- 
ing the hinges loose from the gate, l^erve? No, my 
friend you are the most modest youngster I ever met. 
Why didn't you ask me to deed you my ?" 



The Arizona Limited 159 

At this juncture I skiddooed, fearing the ending of 
his indignant peroration would be a fling of the savage 
meat axe at my classic front. 

It was a tough job cooking those soup bone steaks, and 
the art was acquired only by constant practice, for, from 
the contraction of the muscles and ligaments, they 
would roll around the skillet like a football on a college 
campus. The next tough job on the program was to 
masticate them. If you have false teeth or weak jaws, 
beware of a soup bone steak. Then would come the di- 
gesting of them which was not an easy matter even for 
a pedestrian. One evening after disposing of one, a 
dream was dreamt. I thought I was Carrie Nation on 
a saloon-smashing raid and on awakening found the 
saloon had been pounded right and left. Heine was 
the unfortunate saloon. 

The following night we had soup with vegetables and 
cornbread, and the next morning hash was made. The 
dose was repeated next day. We had from that soup 
bone five meals, at a cost of three cents per. Can you 
beat it ? 

The day after Thanksgiving we passed through Har- 
risburg, and only remained sufficiently long to sell a few 
souvenirs. 

I had endeavored several times to pass over the pike 
where the county collected toll without digging up, by 
working on the sympathies of the tollman, but they 
haven't any ; and we always ended by paying a cent per 
mile. The county east of Harrisburg charged the 
exhorbitant sum of three cents, and I made up my 



160 The Arizona Limited 

mind until Armville was reached, where we left the 
pike, I'd beat the county out of it, for two reasons, viz : 

First: That, as a fitting climax to my journey, I 
desired before reaching the final destination to have a 
tollman's scalp dangling at my belt, metaphorically 
speaking. 

Secondly: We need the money. 

The first gate was avoided by travelling 'round it and 
coming into the pike through a by-road ; on reaching 
the second station the toll gatherer said we owed him 
forty-two cents. 

"Forty-two cents," repeated I, "'how absurd. You 
don't know who I am, do you ?" 

"'No, and don't care a d " was his retort. "This 

team cannot pass unless you pay." 

"Can't eh! and you don't care who we are, eh!" 
"This," continued I, "is the far-famed Arizona Lim- 
ited, and I'm sole proprietor, conductor and chief cook 
and bottle washer of the now famous Limited. Now 
will you be good ?" 

"No," said the tollman. 

"But how can we pay you forty-two cents when we 
have only three ?" 

"That's none of my business," he replied. 

"If we travel westward the tollman won't let me pass 
his gate, will he ?" 

"No." 

"And you won't let us proceed eastward ?" I con- 
tinued. 

"No." 



The Arizona Limited 161 

"Do you want ns to live on the county, and make a 
test case as to whether the charge of three cents is con- 
stitutional or not ?" 

"!N"o/' again came from the puzzled tollman. 

"Then my kind know-nothin' friend, will you tell 
me what you do want us to do ? We cannot pay forty- 
two cents because we haven't it." 

"I don't know what to do," he replied. 

"I do," said I. "Heine, drive on." 

In the twinkling of an eye the Arizona Limited was 
on the east side of the gate. The poor devil took us for 
desperadoes from the "Wild and Woolly," and was 
bluffed by my bullyragging. The finishing touches 
were put on after we were through, when I turned and 
said: 

"Aren't you proud of yourself? A pretty county 
officer you are to be sure ! Don't you know you are 
liable to discharge for neglect of duty ? I have a great 
notion to surrender to the authorities, when the whole 
proceeding will be aired in court. With two such 
worthy gentlemen as Heine and myself to testify, two 
against one, you will be dismissed." 

"Mister, please don't report me," whined the toll 
gatherer. "I didn't know what you wanted. I was 
first threatened with discharge if I didn't let you 
through, and now the same threat is held over me for 
allowing you to pass. I have a large family, mister." 

After thinking a moment, I replied: 

"I will not report you this time for your family's 
sake. I'm inclined to be lenient, but you do not de- 
serve any sympathy." 



162 The Arizona Limited 

"Thank you, sir," said the gateman. He turned 
and entered the house where he is no doubt still medi- 
tating on the hard lot of the toll-gatherer. 

We switched off at Armville and traversed the Penn- 
sylvania Dutch settlements. Heine, who was an ac- 
complished linguist, could talk to the natives and we 
got on famously. I had contracted a cold which had 
settled in my bronchial tubes, and when Allentown was 
reached I could scarcely talk above a whisper. While 
at the post-office a kind-hearted old lady was so certain 
that I'd have pneumonia unless I had a bottle of 
"Jaeger's Lightning Liniment" that she went herself to 
a drugstore and purchased one and presented it with 
instructions to rub my chest with it and take a spoon- 
ful three times per day internally. Kind old lady. She 
was one of those dear souls, who, whether one had a 
cold, spinal meningitis or hydrophobia, there was one 
and only one remedy for the malady, and that was hers. 
I remember my grandmother's was Cherry Pectoral. She 
managed to raise and launch successfully twelve chil- 
dren on the world ; so there must be some virtue in it. 

We stopped an hour in Easton, Pa., and that same 
evening crossed the Delaware river into ISTew Jersey. 

The day after passing Phillipsburg, Cooperina won 
her spurs. She turned the trick and all by her lone- 
some, too. No member of the Limited evinced more 
pleasure over the successful termination of the venture 
than did the conceited little brute herself. 

On stopping for luncheon she was nowhere to be 
seen. 




THE PEDf^STRIAN AT THE FINISH. 



The Arizona Limited 163 

"Where's Cooperina ?" we each inquired of the other. 

We had given her up for lost and were preparing 
to resume the journey without her, when a little black 
object was seen approaching and only hitting the high 
spots. She came up, all palpitating and panting from 
her exertions, and deposited something at my feet — 
the lower half of a chicken's leg and foot. She then 
ran around in circles, wagging her tail frantically. 
Her every action indicated the following: 

"What do you think of me — poor little me — am I 
not smart ? Haven't I proven myself a worthy disciple 
of my masters? I did not like that cornbread I had 
for breakfast and, fearing the same stuff would be my 
portion for luncheon, I went on a foraging expedition. 
After nosing around the kitchen door of a house some- 
where down the road, a chicken foot was observed in 
a swill pail, and grabbing it I ran as fast as my legs 
could travel to overtake you." 

We were so tickled with the progress made by our 
understudy that ten minutes were alloted her to con- 
sume the iind. 

December fourth, having suffered a chill in the fore- 
noon, Heine was sent forward, and I reached Hacketts- 
town late in the evening. At the hotel were quite a 
number of business men of the town. I regaled them 
with stories of the road for a time, and the Mayor of 
the city asked me to remain over night as the guest of 
the Board of Trade. 

The next day the Limited made Dover, New Jersey, 
in a heavy snowstorm, where we put up in a livery 



164 The Arizona Limited 

stable. The journey was continued without special 
incident through to Jersey City, where we arrived on 
December eighth. 

After resting a week we crossed over to Brooklyn 
and signed with the Star Theatre to do some street 
advertising, and also to appear on the stage as a side 
attraction. They paid me fifty dollars per week for 
the stunt. 

All the newspapers in Brooklyn gave us write-ups, 
and the following is an extract from the Brooklyn 
Citizen's : 

"Completing a Shank's-mare tour across the conti- 
nent from the Golden Gate, came a strange cavalcade 
to Brooklyn to-day. The man who hoofed it some three 
thousand seven hundred miles is Michael Garber Har- 

man, 'a lawyer by profession and a d fool by 

choice,' as the tired, tousled tourist himself ex- 
pressed it." 

At the termination of the engagement with the Star 
Theatre I decided to disband the Limited. Negotia- 
tions were opened with several parties desiring to pur- 
chase the burros, but a wealthy coffee merchant was 
the lucky man. It happened in this wise: One Sun- 
day the merchant came over to Brooklyn, accompanied 
by six of his children, to see the burros. The young- 
sters were delighted with them. While returning to 
New York the youngest of the sextette, a little girl of 
three years, said: 

"Papa, I want to tell you something." 



The Arizona Limited 165 

"What is it my dear ?" he inquired, at the same time 
raising her in his arms so she could whisper in his ear, 
yet not so softly that I didn't hear her say : 

"Pop, buy the donks." 

The little miss there and then settled the fate of 
the burros, for when the merchant made me an offer of 
two hundred dollars for the four it was accepted. It 
was a great relief for me to know that they would be 
well taken care of and not separated. Cooperina was 
thrown in for good measure. 

Then came the good-bye to faithful companions who 
had stuck to me in prosperity and adversity, mostly the 
latter. They all came in for a deal of fondling and 
petting. Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts was made to 
lie down, roll over and kick up his heels ; then he came 
for the lump of sugar which he knew was always com- 
ing to him after pulling off the stunt. Dear little fel- 
low! He didn't know he was then receiving the last 
caresses from the hands of his old master in whose 
arms he was taken at that desolate camp back in far- 
away Wew Mexico on the day he first saw the light, 
and by whose side he had walked for more than two 
thousand miles. 

The dismemberment of the Arizona Limited was 
complete. Heine went to Baltimore and the burros 
may be seen any day advertising a brand of coffee on 
the streets of New York ; I left for my home in Vir- 
ginia, where the malaria was finally eradicated by a 
course of medicine and a long, long rest. 

San Francisco 3,710 miles — miles New York. 

11. 



166 The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

IS TRAVELLING ON THREE CENTS AN EASY PROPOSI- 
TION? 

A Successful Knight of the Road must be primarily 
a student of human nature. He must be tactful, versa- 
title to a degree, an adept in the art of flattering, have 
what is vulgarly termed "unlimited nerve," and be 
able to measure off chin-music by the yard. 

If N"ature has not endowed you with these essential 
qualifications the road is not your calling. Just as the 
physician diagnoses each case, and prescribes for the 
patient according to the nature of the disease and the 
constitution, so must the knight size up each victim, 
taking into consideration his peculiar characteristics at 
a glance. It is true that the same dose is frequently ad- 
ministered to two subjects, but in a different manner. 
For instance, where the potion to be given is flattery 
one will take it in five grain capsules, while better re- 
sults will be obtained from another by the broken dose 
method. The trout swallows the bait at a gulp while 
his warier cousin, the perch, tests its flavor before 
biting. I will cite two incidents which will fully illus- 
trate my meaning: 

On one occasion in New Mexico when nearing a sid- 
ing where there was stationed a telegraph operator, he 
was seen standing in the doorway of a box car which 



The Arizona Limited 167 

served him as both office and residence. When suffi- 
ciently near to see his eyes, I smiled. He grinned in 
return. On my coming up to the car he extended his 
hand and gave mine a hearty shake, remarking at the 
time: 

"Mr. Harman, I am glad to see you. For the past 
hour I have been on the lookout, fearing you'd be too 
late to enjoy the dinner my wife has cooked in honor of 
your visit." 

"Thank you, very kindly, old man," I replied, "but 
how did you know I was coming ?" 

"The agent at wired me this morning that you 

had passed the night with him, and that this was your 
objective point to-day." 

As a matter of fact I knew all about it, and it was 
at my suggestion that the message was sent. 

On the other hand, the night I walked into l^ew- 
berry, Cal., the station east of the Valley of Death, 
where the acquaintance of Professor George Lamont 
Webster was made, soon after my arrival the agent 
came into the office with an ugly scowl on his face 
which showed only too plainly that I was an unwelcome 
guest. 

Said I to myself, "It's up to me to supplant that 
scowl with a smile, to warm up the ice water which is 
coursing through this fellow's veins, for, old fellow, 
you are in need of a substantial breakfast in the morn- 
ing before resuming the journey." 

I merely nodded to him and continued the conversa- 
tion with the professor, who was telling me of his 



168 The Arizona Limited 

various schemes and iuventions while I reciprocated 
with my adventures. Of course special emphasis was 
laid on the extreme hospitality of all railroaders and 
the Santa Fe operators in particular. Being an old 
railroad man myself, I always felt very comfortable 
when in their hands for I was certain of a cordial recep- 
tion, et cetera. 

Our hearty laughs were infectious and we soon had 
the agent "going." He actually related an anecdote of 
his boyhood days back in Indiana before the party 
broke up for the night. 

He returned with a comforter and said : 

"Mr. Harman, this will soften the counter some- 
what, and in the morning I'll be glad to have you at 
breakfast with us." Had entertainment been asked of 
him on my arrival he'd have turned me down good 
and hard. 

I was not always successful, for I notably and 
ignominiously failed at Rio Puerco with the agent when 
his wife butted in and registered her vehement veto 
to my plan. 

Occasionally bulldozing methods were effective, as 
in the case of the Pennsylvania tollman, but as a rule 
"more flies are to be caught with sugar than vinegar." 
Ninety-nine out of every hundred people are suscepti- 
ble to flattery. You may meet one whose feelings are 
as sensitive as the frail mechanism of the delicate 
violin, and to play upon them requires the touch of an 
artist ; while you can hammer away at will on another's 
like a big bass drum, with no fear of striking a dis- 



The Arizona Limited 169 

cordant note. A mother can be readily reached by 
noticing and petting her child. In the case of a girl, 
no matter how homely, if she has a redeeming feature 
comment on it. It's a good plan to kiss the child if 
its face is not too dirty. If a boy, though he has a 
head shaped like a croquet ball, f)redict a brilliant future 
for him in the pulpit — nearly every fond mother desires 
her son to preach the gospel ; if he is of a serious de- 
meanor, remark on his judicial temperament. 

Every American is intensely loyal to his native 
State, and an observation on its extreme hospitality 
will be appreciated. If a housewife sends out a pie 
to the camp of course it's the most delicious pie ever 
eaten. Ask her for the receipt, and also if she knows 
any single girl in the vicinity that can cook equally as 
well. She likes it. In fact the dose is so beautifully 
assimilated generally that it never surprised us the 
following morning to see the good frau bearing down 
on us with a tray laden with good things. Came for 
a parting dose, you know. 

Talk farming, stock, any old thing to the man. If 
he has a bull, swear it is the best bull you have seen 
within the last five hundred miles ; all his pigs are 
prize porkers and so forth. 

The State of California which was traversed before 
the organization of the Limited, was a splendid one 
for grafting. All the big hotels entertained me free 
of charge, on the strength of a story about the big 
advertising I was going to do for them. The Vendome 
in San Jose; Hotel El Paso de Robles ; the Ramona ; 



170 The Arizona Limited 

the Potter and the Angeles, all tumbled to the scheme. 
The people are thoroughly cosmopolitan, up-to-date and 
enterprising to a degree. 

The people of Illinois were the most difficult propo- 
sition. When we would drive into a small town in the 
state, the Rubes would line up on the opposite side of 
the street and take us in from a distance. Why ? You 
have got me unless they were afraid we Avould bite 
them, or do something else equally terrible. If a native 
was presented with a tobacco sample he'd pull off the 
foil as though it hid some infernal machine — and then 
would take a tiny nibble as if testing a dose of medi- 
cine. How diiferent was the attitude of our western 
friends. Had they known that we were the very old 
Harry himself tlie westerners would have come right up 
to get a close view and see what kind of a lobster he was 
anyway. Would a westerner nibble at the tobacco like 
a perch at a fishing worm on a hook ? Not much. At 
least half would go into his mouth at the first pop, and 
in two minutes he'd be spitting the eye out of some fly 
five steps distant. 

How do I account for the difference in the attitude 
of the inhabitants of the East and West ''( It's very 
simple. The average westerner has seen something of 
the world ; more than likely ho was reared in the East 
and has roughed it sufficiently to lose that timidity- 
afraid-he'11-be-buncoed-air which is so characteristic of 
the middle westerners who probably not a half dozen 
times in their lives have been further from home than 
the county seat, and consequently do not possess suffi- 



The Arizona Limited 171 

cient discernment to discriminate between a hobo, a 
gypsy, and a gentleman travelling incog. Take one of 
these Illinoisans and pnt him in the far west, and let 
him see for himself that there are other places in 
the world besides Slambang County, Illinois, and he 
will develop into a fine, whole-souled fellow. One of 
the farmers in Illinois who had thirty gallons of milk 
refused us enough milk for our coffee for the picture 
of our illustrious and famous little ass, Epaminondas- 
Alcibiades-Pytts. On another occasion a Baptist, a 
minister of the gospel at that, refused us a drink of 
water. He alleged that his well was nearly dry. 

Indiana was better than Illinois, for hospitality; 
Ohio was better still, and Pennsylvania was all to the 
merry. 

It was a hard matter to sell souvenirs on the street. 
Unlike a fakir's wares, our buttons and pictures had 
no intrinsic value. In my speech preliminary to offer- 
ing them the most important looking person in the 
audience was singled out and to him I made my little 
talk, knowing full well that if he started the ball to 
rolling the remainder of the bunch would keep it going. 
The moment I stepped from the rig the aforesaid per- 
sonage would be solicited, with pictures and buttons in 
hand, and generally, he having had his vanity flattered 
would purchase one and frequently would exhort the 
bystanders to help the cause along. 

The game of graft is interesting, fascinating, but 
not easy by any means. 



172 The Arizona Limited 



CHAPTER XIX. 

SOMETHING ABOUT ONE OF THE ]\IOST REMARKABLE 
ANIMALS IN THE WORLD. 

It is the ass. I'll probably be called an ass myself 
by the majority of people for making such a statement, 
but wait before passing judgment until a few of his 
qualities are commented on by a man who has studied 
the animal intimately for six months. 

In the days when Studebaker wagons, steam cars, 
and thoroughbreds were not, the ass was. In the old 
days an ass was considered of sufficient importance to 
be incorporated in the tenth commandment, for thusly 
are we admonished : "Thou shalt not covet thy neigh- 
bor's wife, nor his man servant, nor his maid servant, 
nor his ox, nor his ass,'' etc. But, alas ! since the sons of 
Israel travelled into Egypt after com, times have 
changed for the poor ass. If the commandments were to 
be revised in this, the Twentieth Century, he'd be the 
last thing thought of. It would be made to read : ''Thou 
shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife; nor his Fifth Ave- 
nue residence, nor his box at the Grand Opera to hear 
Caruso, nor his automobile." Who would think of 
coveting an ass in this great mechanical age ? Should 
you cast an admiring eye on your neighbor's ass out 
in ISTew Mexico or Arizona, he could become your prop- 
erty by your giving in exchange a saw, a plane, two- 



The Arizona Limited 173 

bits, or most any old thing. Should a Greaser ask 
more than a dollar for his ass he is holding you up. 

Because of the utilization of steam the poor ass has 
fallen into disrepute. ISTow, bands of them roam over 
the desert plains of the west — many are killed each 
year by the cowboys to preserve the grass for the cattle 
and sheep; carloads have been shipped to Chicago and 
ground into bologna; and again, large numbers have 
been brought east as novelties for children. 

The Greasers and Indians still use him to pack wood 
out of the hills, and of course he'll always be indispens- 
able to the prospector for several reasons. The ass is 
a very cautious animal, and for surefootedness is un- 
surpassed. He can travel over a steep, almost impas- 
sable mountain trail, packing half his weight, and never 
lose his footing — he always knows where he is placing 
his dainty little Trilby. The ass is also possessed of 
great endurance. Epaminondas-Alcibiades-Pytts com- 
pleted a walk of twelve hundred miles the day before 
he was ten weeks old. Did you ever hear of any animal 
at that tender age capable of equaling that record ? He 
thrives on the roughest kind of food. T have seen my 
burros, not once but many times, leave a nice patch of 
blue grass to feast on a patch of old dried weeds. The 
prospector rarely feeds his ass, but turns him loose to 
rustle on sage brush and cactus. 

The four burros that came across the continent con- 
sumed less grain, yet kept all the while in good condi- 
tion, than would be requisite for one horse. The ass 
is especially valuable in the desert because he can go 



( 

174 The Arizona Limited 

several days without water. My burros drank less 
water in a day, all four together, than would satisfy a 
good big horse at one drinking. 

The burro's masticating qualities are truly remark- 
able, but not more so than is his digestive apparatus. 
The only other animal in his class is the goat. A boy 
in Altoona was observed feeding Carrie Nation a hand- 
ful of celluloid collar buttons, which she devoured 
greedily. If a youngster paused oii the street to take a 
look at the Limited and happened to have a bundle in his 
hand, Epaminondas would take a bite out of it. I 
remember in St. Louis a boy was delivering a lady's 
hat ; he paused to examine the Limited, and the little 
burro bit through the paper bag and pulled a big 
bunch of false roses off the hat. I felt very sorry for 
the boy — for with that ruined hat he was between the 
devil and the deep blue sea. I won't say which was the 
devil, the lady to whom the ruined hat belonged, or 
the proprietor. To the burros candy, fruit, chewing 
gum, tobacco and cigarettes were relishes. 

The ass is the wariest of animals ; possesses the great- 
est powers of endurance ; is the strongest in proportion 
to his size ; can travel on the least quantity of water ; 
can subsist on less food than any other animal, and 
that of the roughest ; has digestive organs equal to the 
goat; is the longest lived of all America's beasts of 
burden — it is told as a joke in the west, that a burro 
has never been known to die a natural death — has the 
longest ears, and makes the most charming and delight- 
ful music. 



The Arizona Limited 175 

CHAPTER XX. 

THE NOBLE RED MAN. 

A myth, gentle reader. There were no Fenimorc 
Cooper Indians in the bunches I met. AVere they sav- 
age, cruel and blood-thirsty? 

Fifty-five years after the Forty-niners fought their 
way from Dodge City, Kansas, to the coast through the 
hostile Indians, I walked the entire trail with a hunting 
knife as my only weapon of defense. 

Where is the blood-thirsty Apache? 

On his reservation, gentle reader; if he gets all the 
dog soup he wants he will stay there. 

Where is the warlike Navajo? 

Butting around the desert, gentle reader, with small 
flocks of goats and sheep — this tribe are great nomads. 
The women make the famous Navajo blankets, and 
some of the men are silversmiths, but for the most part 
the men do not strain any traces. 

The ferocious Mojaves, what of them ? 

The women make bead novelties which they sell to 
the tourist at Needles, California. x\nd the men, what 
do they do ? 

Rest, gentle reader, rest ; the male contingent are 
the loveliest resters in the world. 

The Pueblos are really different from the other 
tribes in many respects. What struck me most forcibly 
was that they appeared to come in contact with water 
oftener than once a year. 



176 The Arizona Limited 

They are small of stature and have rather a pleasing 
countenance; some of the young squaws and maidens 
are pretty. They were never warlike and are great 
farmers. 

Take it from me, gentle reader, the only noble red- 
man is a dead one. 

If you ever start on a journey, whether by automo- 
bile, bicycle, wagon or on foot, if possible procure a 
reliable road-map. It will prove invaluable. The in- 
formation gathered here and there from the residents 
cannot be depended upon, for not one in twenty knows 
anything about the roads of his own county thi'ee miles 
from his home. The Limited travelled at least one 
hundred and fifty miles out of its way simply because 
we had no map until we crossed the Mississippi river 
but depended on information picked up here and there 
from Tom, Dick and Harry. A map, with accompany- 
ing folder, shows all the roads of the state, distances 
between j)oints, the nature of the roadbed, grades, et 
cetera. 

Many thousands of people, both during and after 
the completion of the journey, have questioned me con- 
cerning it. The following are the seven questions most 
generally asked: 

How many pairs of shoes did you wear out ? 

If you started with three cents, how did you get any- 
thing to eat ? 

How did you get water across the desert? 

How did you know the way ? 

Why did you do it? 



The Arizona Limited 1Y7 

Were you walking on a wager? 
Didn't voii ride some ? 

CONCLUSION. 

There were 197 days in which some portion of the 
distance was covered. An average of 18 and 8-9 miles 
per day. 

The army regulations call for thirty inches to the 
step. Providing my strides were of that length, 
7,542,187 steps were taken on the journey. 

The longest interval between meals was 26 hours, 
during which time 42.7 miles were covered. 

The fastest time made on the trip was 32 miles in 8 
hours — from Laguna to Rio Puerco, IsTew Mexico. 

The longest walks were of equal length — 42.7 miles 
— from Cherokee to Seligman, Arizona, on April 19th, 
and from Laguna to Sandia, Kew Mexico, on May 4th. 

The warmest day was April 13th when the walk from 
Goffs to ITeedles, California, was made — 31.5 miles in 
9.5 hours. On my arrival at 7 :30 P. M. the ther- 
mometer registered 103 degrees. 

I travelled in thirteen States or Territories in the 
course of the journey, viz: California, Arizona, ISTew 
Mexico, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, 
Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and 
ITew York. 

The distance in miles was 3,710 

furlongs 29,680 

yards 6,562,933 

feet 19,688,800 

inches 226,265,600 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




011 291 937 5 



